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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

36 years and my husband left us for a 24 year old

307 replies

MydaughterandI · 20/09/2025 08:19

I'm in pieces, I just don't want to carry on. Last week was supposed to be the nicest time for all of us, our 18 years old daughter starting university. Instead he left us without saying a word. we now know that he's been having an affair with a 24 year girl for the past year. He's 59 himself.
I just feel rubbish, humiliated. I'm missing him so much.
My daughter and I are missing eachother. But now are apart, until I sell this house.
What a mess. How can someone live their family like that?

OP posts:
Original poster
MydaughterandI · 20/09/2025 08:22

Leave
I was at work and our daughter was asleep. She called me to ask where her papa was. Total shock.

OP posts:
Largestlegocollectionever · 20/09/2025 08:22

Wow that’s some age gap so I doubt it’ll last.

Hold your head up high, remain dignified, use this as he’s made his choice and moved out, at least that’s all done as dragging it out can be awful - I know it’s a shock but at least you don’t have to live with him and see his face!

Surround yourself with support and be kind to yourself - you may one day be thankful for the lucky escape!

moresoup · 20/09/2025 08:23

What a tragic idiot he is.

I am so sorry.

And what an awful thing to do to daughter just as she starts university

I had friends whose dad did similar and it really rocked them. But what they needed to know, so they could settle down and enjoy university, was that their mum was going to be ok.

Have you got friends /other family you can lean on? Could you take yourself away for a few days for a change of scenery?

What an utter idiot he is, I am so sorry.

Lennonjingles · 20/09/2025 08:24

I am so sorry, what an absolute hurtful, disgusting person he must be to leave at this time especially for your daughter when she’s just about to start a new life journey, who would do that, makes me angry for you both.

BCBird · 20/09/2025 08:27

Firstly OP let me send you my best wishes. I cannot imagine how you are feeling. When you find your anger this might be easier to accept. He is in the wrong. If he was unhappy he should have spoken to you, not had a grubby affair. You will miss him less, start to then miss the presence of another person rather than him. This is not the man you fell in love with. Draw on any support you can from others. Head up high. U have nothing to be humiliated about. No one will be thinking that. You will find a new normal that has the potential to be calm, peaceful and rewarding over time- best of all controlled by you. Hand hold.

LaurieFairyCake · 20/09/2025 08:28

There’s no fool like an old fool. Revolting age gap, poor you and your poor daughter. FlowersGinFlowers

somethingnewandexciting · 20/09/2025 08:30

What an idiot. I'm currently watching Life Begins on Netflix all about a man who leaves his family and the aftermath (Pauline Quirk) and they manage to stay relatively civil. I thought I would mention it in case you wanted to watch something that might reflect some of the chaos. I know how hard it can be to find people who want to talk about it when you need them the most as everyone is so busy.

Focus on yourself and what you need. Try to see this as a new chapter starting and switch the fear for excitement. No more having to check in before making a choice, time for new clubs and hobbies, WI for example?

Tamfs · 20/09/2025 08:34

What a selfish foolish man, to do this to you and your daughter this week of all weeks. You are both better off without him and his choices. You can carry on. It is going to be so hard, but now it is time for you and what you want. Don't let him crawl back after all this either.

Mayflower282 · 20/09/2025 08:37

Oof. That’s a kick in the guts. Wow. What 24 year old is going to want to be caring for an elderly man in the years to come? He’s shot himself in the foot. Eek. Maybe he’s having some sort of mental break down, or early dementia.

Whyjustwhy83 · 20/09/2025 08:38

Sending love. Xx

Dippythedino · 20/09/2025 08:38

Unfortunately he has a pattern of behaviour and prefers much younger women. You were 18 & he was around 40 when you got together. Now he's 59 and gone for a 24 year old, this was always going to happen.

I'd say you have dodged a bullet, your dd is semi independent and the trash has taken itself out of the door. You're only 36 so you have your best years ahead of you so grieve now for the end of your relationship but plan for your new life ahead.

ComfortFoodCafe · 20/09/2025 08:38

Hes having a affair with someone only 5-6 years older than his own child? Thats disgusting what a creep!
Dont let him crawl back when it goes tits up because it will, it wont last.

onyourway · 20/09/2025 08:40

Such a shock for you and your daughter. I don’t mean to pick on the age gap, but were you 18 when you had your daughter and was he 41? It’s hideous to think it, but he’s obviously not worried about massive age gaps.

moresoup · 20/09/2025 08:41

onyourway · 20/09/2025 08:40

Such a shock for you and your daughter. I don’t mean to pick on the age gap, but were you 18 when you had your daughter and was he 41? It’s hideous to think it, but he’s obviously not worried about massive age gaps.

I thought she meant they had been together 36 years?

TammyJones · 20/09/2025 08:41

LaurieFairyCake · 20/09/2025 08:28

There’s no fool like an old fool. Revolting age gap, poor you and your poor daughter. FlowersGinFlowers

Can’t see that lasting.
What an idiot.
Op you’re going to be ok.
Just take a pause , lots of self care and support friends.
You will get through this and come out stronger.
Him… not so much.

Tamfs · 20/09/2025 08:42

Oh I took it as they had been together for 36 years, not that OP is 36yo?

Silverbirchleaf · 20/09/2025 08:42

Hes chosen his timing carefully, hasn’t he. Waited until his daughter has left home, and then left.

what an idiot.

Take time to look after yourself.

HappyMoomin · 20/09/2025 08:46

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

MyElatedUmberFinch · 20/09/2025 08:46

What an absolutely shock and what an absolute cliche idiot your H is. Do you have someone in real life you can tell? We are here for you.

padso · 20/09/2025 08:49

Surely the 36 years is how long they have been together not the OPs age?

slanksy · 20/09/2025 08:50

padso · 20/09/2025 08:49

Surely the 36 years is how long they have been together not the OPs age?

Came to say this. How are people not getting it?

Fedupwithnamechanging · 20/09/2025 08:52

I know you must be reeling from shock and grief but with the timing it sounds like he's been planning this for a while. You need to get proactive, summarise your financial situation and go see a solicitor. Are you working? Surround yourself with supportive friends and family who can help you so your DD can settle into uni.

He's an arse with peter pan syndrome who thinks a much younger woman will keep him youthful. Can't see it lasting with that age gap.

BunnyRuddington · 20/09/2025 08:53

padso · 20/09/2025 08:49

Surely the 36 years is how long they have been together not the OPs age?

That is how I read it.

Crucible · 20/09/2025 08:56

Youve been together a long time, i take it there are older children than your 18 year old?
I'm sorry to hear this. Wait til he has his first night out with her and her friends...that will show up what a farce the 'relationship'.is.
Be prepared OP. All.advice will be forthcoming on this thread. My best to.your daughter also. Thats a shitty freshers week for her.

CagneyNYPD1 · 20/09/2025 08:56

Oh goodness @MydaughterandI what a horrible shock. Have you got someone in real life who you can confide in?