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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

36 years and my husband left us for a 24 year old

307 replies

MydaughterandI · 20/09/2025 08:19

I'm in pieces, I just don't want to carry on. Last week was supposed to be the nicest time for all of us, our 18 years old daughter starting university. Instead he left us without saying a word. we now know that he's been having an affair with a 24 year girl for the past year. He's 59 himself.
I just feel rubbish, humiliated. I'm missing him so much.
My daughter and I are missing eachother. But now are apart, until I sell this house.
What a mess. How can someone live their family like that?

OP posts:
Notmyreality · 20/09/2025 11:27

Andthatrightsoon · 20/09/2025 10:13

You were 17 and he was 42 when you got together?

Do try and get with the programme

FigTreeInEurope · 20/09/2025 11:29

NamelessNancy · 20/09/2025 10:50

Why are so many people interpreting the OP as being 36yo? I didn't read that at all? The marriage is 36 years in length surely?

Their judgement and predujice towards men, is stronger than their ability to read.

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 20/09/2025 11:30

@MydaughterandI OP you have absolutely no need to feel humiliated!!! he has just shown himself to be a complete and utter arsehole!!! look forward to a good future without him! he will have no girlfriend soon and he has lost his family! no sympathy for him!

Marieb19 · 20/09/2025 11:32

See a solicitor ASAP. If you can get access start looking into his accounts and trawl through any communications. I realise this is really hard and upsetting atm and you will go through a roller coaster of emotions but you need to protect your finances.

Jollyhockeystickss · 20/09/2025 11:33

I bet her parents dont know

Unacceptableinthe80s · 20/09/2025 11:36

I've never seen so many people on a single thread with such poor reading and comprehension skills. Did you all skip school a lot? So derailing.
Anyway OP. Just be careful here, you say you own the house but it will be considered a martial asset, same as if your husband owned it. I would see a lawyer as soon as you feel able, you don't want lumbered with his debt too. Removing him from the electoral role means nothing, you are married, assets will be divided in the event of a divorce.

LittleWeasel · 20/09/2025 11:36

The house is a marital asset. I really hope you will not be on the hook for his debts as well.

You good legal advice asap. Don’t “agree” to anything without running it past a lawyer first. Don’t let him fuck you over financially as well!

When he runs out of money to spend on her he’ll come crawling back!

Schoolchoicesucks · 20/09/2025 11:39

That's great that you own the house.
Don't make any kneejerk decisions about selling to be close to your daughter. If you can, let her have her life there.
Selling up and moving might well be the right decision, but take your time and decide where that should be too - close friends, other family. You could rent your house out and rent somewhere else if you want to be away from your home and memories.
Do seek counselling, take yourself off on some breaks - walking holiday, yoga holiday, whatever to get yourself away from feeling left behind in an empty house and wanting your husband back.
He's been a complete twat and everybody will see that. There's very little chance it will last but I would not be able to forgive that. Plan your life without him in it.

thepariscrimefiles · 20/09/2025 11:39

birling16 · 20/09/2025 09:14

How can somebody be 36 with an 18 year od daughter?

I think the 36 years in the title of her post means that they have been together for 36 years.

JohnBullshit · 20/09/2025 11:48

What a fucking dickhead. And no, of course it won't last. I have a daughter who's just turned 23, and the thought of being with someone of that age would be inexplicable to her. That's my generation, and we're too old to know anything, apart from being way too decrepit to be anything but a passing novelty.
I'd agree with pps who suggest you shouldn't make any hasty moves about relocating. It's a lot of pressure to put on your daughter for a start. She needs to be able to feel free to plan her own long term future without bringing you into the equation. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but you would probably feel the same if your DH hadn't gone and lost his fucking mind.

KawasakiBabe · 20/09/2025 11:50

And another thing… contacting a solicitor will officially set in stone the date he left you, anything which happens after that time, you won’t be accountable for, so loans etc. will become his responsibility alone and not part of the marriage.

Pinkfreedom · 20/09/2025 11:51

What an arsehole he is. You are well rid of him.

Get legal advice asap and build up your support network.

I do know that currently all you feel is pain but you need to get ahead of his game and get your finances etc sorted out. This is a task that will occupy you.

Has he taken his keys with him, you really don't want him letting himself into the house whenever he feels like it

His new relationship will not last long, don't let him wriggle his way back into your lives.

Good luck to you and your daughter

Cucy · 20/09/2025 11:52

arethereanyleftatall · 20/09/2025 11:04

The op has not clarified whether the ‘36 years’ detailed in her title/op means 36 years old or 36 years together. It could be either.

Show quote history

It’s obvious it means 36 years together.
OPs age is irrelevant and so she wouldn’t need to put it in the title.

fluffiphlox · 20/09/2025 11:57

That’s grim. Sounds like you’re well rid of him and he’ll soon be on his own. All the best to you.

Sabrinathewitch · 20/09/2025 11:59

That is absolutely devastating for you op I really am sorry that's such a long time to eb with him to and he's thrown it away I have been with my dh 10 years and would be devastated myself take some time for you and your feelings and take care

LEWWW · 20/09/2025 12:05

Yuck. You’re well rid. I’m sorry he’s done that to you :( practically make sure he can’t hide any assets/money, divorce, divorce, divorce.

Honestly I imagine it won’t last, she will probably be with him because he spends money on her/love bombs her and making her feel good about herself…he’s dating someone closer in age to his daughter than himself…reality will sharp kick in. Do not let him back once he realises OP.

ParmaVioletTea · 20/09/2025 12:10

washinwashoutrepeat · 20/09/2025 09:22

Ah there is no fool like an old fool.

hold your head up high, lean on your friends and dont keep his secrets. Be super kind to yourself and stay as strong as you can for your daughter.

he will end up a lonely old man...

This.

And please, please don't you feel ashamed.

He's the duplicitous immoral bastard. You have done nothing wrong.

I think the "don't keep his secrets" is important, but do keep them from your DD. Having been the 16 year old daughter in a very similar situation, I did not want to know about my parents' sex life or issues with intimacy etc. My mother used me as her "best friend" and I found that difficult to forgive. She shouldn't have done it, although I know rationally as an adult she was absolutely side swiped by the situation.

BountifulPantry · 20/09/2025 12:18

What is that 24 year old thinking?!

Insane- when I was 24 I wanted a bloke in their 20s. Not some old guy.

Insane decision on her part. She will probably see the light and then he’ll come begging.

Neemie · 20/09/2025 12:26

I can’t see a 24yr old sticking with an insolvent 59 year old for very long.

I’m sorry OP. How awful you and your daughter.

Autumnpug7 · 20/09/2025 12:27

That's not going to last op
The gap is to big ..he's pushing 60 ,he will need blue pills to keep up with her ,the novelty will wear off for both of them very soon 100%.
So you need to remember how you are feeling now ,when he's begging to come home .. because he will ..

Pessismistic · 20/09/2025 12:37

Hi op sorry this has happened he's not likely to come back so get him off anything you can also cancel the insurance if it’s in your name or your paying. I hope he has no claims on your house or pension yes you love him your in a bad place but for a man to do this to you he has no care or compassion or respect for you or dd so don’t offer him anything he’s thinking with his dick and I really hope this woman kicks him in to touch and soon. Just be strong for your daughter it’s heartbreaking but he’s done this now and he’s not giving you one thought. So you need to put yourself first.

Bundleflower · 20/09/2025 12:38

What a tragic loser he is.
The only person anybody is going to look at negatively is him - the embarrassment is all his and he will be a laughing stock when this comes out. Even more so when the younger woman comes to her senses (perhaps when her family finds out) and leaves him.
Monday morning you need to see a solicitor. Find your anger and harness it.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

Original poster
MydaughterandI · 20/09/2025 12:41

I'm trying my best, I've lost my best friend, my love, my companion. I feel no purpose in carrying on.

OP posts:
user1471538283 · 20/09/2025 12:42

Well this won't last. She must think he has money, hence taking out loans and credit cards. You need legal advice to get as far as possible away from him financially.

Whatever happens to him from now on is without your help or love. Let it crash and burn.

Joeylove88 · 20/09/2025 12:43

OP I understand your in pain right now you have had a massive shock and a sudden huge life change - try to look at it this way, your ex is an absolute creep to be pursuing a girl of 24 at his age! It's actually gross and you should feel repulsed by him for doing that! I know there's an age gap between you aswell but that girl is still so young and hes nearly at pensioner age!

You are 36 - still young and in your prime start putting things in order to rid yourself of all traces of that man, start fresh and make it all about you and your DD! Feel your pain but dont let it consume you. Make fun plans with friends or take up a new hobby, anything to make you feel good again! Fuck him leave him to it put yourself first and give him no satisfaction of seeing you struggling.