36 years and my husband left us for a 24 year old

[MydaughterandI]

I'm in pieces, I just don't want to carry on. Last week was supposed to be the nicest time for all of us, our 18 years old daughter starting university. Instead he left us without saying a word. we now know that he's been having an affair with a 24 year girl for the past year. He's 59 himself.
I just feel rubbish, humiliated. I'm missing him so much.
My daughter and I are missing eachother. But now are apart, until I sell this house.
What a mess. How can someone live their family like that?

You will be in complete and utter shock. This happened to me two years ago after 25 years of marriage, my DH left out if the blue for someone the same age as our eldest DS.
It will take a long time to come to terms with this but you will some day. Take a day at a time just now. He's a complete idiot.
As much as you will be devastated you need to think about your future, your rights especially financial. He's probably not even really thought about the financial consequences so see a solicitor asap. Good luck.

I’m out of coffee! Will put the phone away and make some tea. Have withdrawn my post and feel a bit sheepish now.🙈

OP: You will be ok.

I think they've been together 36 years

God, this would be like me dating a 90 year old age wise -bleugh. All very nice if you are similar age but what on earth does a 24 year old see in someone her dads age? Got to be money related, it really has.
He really cuts a sad figure, sending you hugs OP, but please think would you really want this man back in the future when she dumps him?
So angry on your behalf, but yes, he's shown you and d where you stand in the grand plan of life, he's a complete coward and probably has been feeding the gf the line when d goes to uni I'll get the divorce and we can be together. She's stupid enough to believe it will be wonderful then reality will kick in and it'll be why have I lumbered myself with this older man?

Oh my goodness OP I am so sorry, what a prick.

I am so grossed out by that age gap, I can’t imaging what my reaction would be if my DD brought home a 59 year old when she is 24. I think my DH would kill him tbh.

She will see sense soon enough I am sure and he will be left a lonely old man which is what he deserves.

Is your husband wealthy? I can't think of any other reason why a 24 year old would want to be in a sexual relationship with a man of nearly 60. That's a 36 year age gap. What a disgusting man he is.

You are still in shock at the moment, but you need to be practical. Make an appointment with a solicitor to ensure that you get your fair share of the house and other assets.

This happened to me, altho the OW was 30, not that thats much better for a man in his 50s! My eldest is also just at university...i wonder if they think they've done their job at that point? We have other dc though. We're all fine though OP I just wanted to reassure you of that. It's been incredibly tough and the finances still aren't sorted, but I am coping better.

When did the shock start to subside a bit and sorting out the practice side of things begin?

So sorry OP. At the moment just get through each day, give yourself a but of structure if you can. It must be a dreadful shock.
Can you imagine how he's going to look, out with her friends clubbing. What an idiot he's making if himself. However he was your idiot. Your heart will start to harden eventually. Apart from what it's done to you, how could he possibly think your daughter would manage, taking her first steps towards independence and he does this.

What a stupid selfish prick 😡 OP you will be ok, you're reeling from the shock at the moment but you have a lot of life ahead of you. Nothing is forever and you will be happy again. Get as much support as you can from friends and family and get some legal advice asap. Sending you hugs and strength to get through this 💐

How can somebody be 36 with an 18 year od daughter?

Where does it say anyone is 36? And also quite easily if that was the case, that would be having a child at 18 so not that shocking.

I am so sorry to hear this. I doubt it will last long. The young lady will probably find a younger man once the reality hits of living with such an awful man. Make sure you have support ,people to talk to. I wish you and your daughter all the best.

I think OP has been in the relationship for 36 years. She is not 36. I don't say I would be shocked by an 18 year old having a baby.

Ah there is no fool like an old fool.

hold your head up high, lean on your friends and dont keep his secrets. Be super kind to yourself and stay as strong as you can for your daughter.

he will end up a lonely old man...

I’ve done the complex maths and the answer is someone who has a baby when they are 18.

god, how awful - 36 years is a long relationship.

24 and 59 is grim and i doubt it will last unless there is a huge, quickly available money pot and quick wins for her!!!! Not that you'd want to resume after a betrayal of this magnitude.

Im so sorry, you must be in shock!

Please have a rest and regarding your daughter, look after each other!

Feelin good now?

Your husband is a foolish man. The age gap is huge, and the relationship is unlikely to last. At some point he'll probably try and claw his way back, making all sorts of apologies and promising the earth. He is an absolute coward on top for not having the guts and decency to tell you and your daughter himself. Once the shock has worn off, the anger will kick in, channel that anger into getting the best possible outcome for you and your daughter. Seek legal advice, once you have gathered all financial information. You will go on to have a better life, without him.

Pauline Quirk is not in it.

My idea was drawn to how you describe your daughter's exit to university as being supposedly a nice/ enjoyable time.
I don't need to tell you that life has a way of correcting our expectations and I'm so sorry this has happened to you.He's an idiot as everyone else has been telling you and I really hope you can rise above it.
Perhaps hit him with some financial responsibilities to bring him down to earth.

It’s Caroline Quentin - really brilliant show.

Oh, OP - I’m so sorry to hear this. You must be in complete and utter shock. He obviously waited for university and now feels ‘free’ to blow up your lives. What an idiot.

Deep breaths, give your DD some reassurance and get yourself to a solicitor asap. Then give yourself time to grieve and process. I promise, it will get better.

What a complete and utter twat. I don’t have much advice other than hold your head high and don’t let it change you because you are so much better than that x

Isn’t it Caroline Quentin?

Yes thats how i read it. It wont last. Fast forward 10 years she will be in the prime.of her life and he will be 70 year old man, in decline physically and mentally.