Part two - Husband leaving me for other woman (I have a baby, 2 and 4 year old!)

[Gnarly999]

Hello all,
Wow thank you so much for the replies on the other thread, I don’t think I realised that there was a max amount of posts, so thank you. It’s really helped me see him for what he is, find my anger and also just distract me from checking their social media constantly too.

You’ll notice that this time I’m posting on the divorce area, as I think that’s where we are now, so your advice has been taken in.

I also may start another thread just to continue ranting about him in general too, and how it all plays out.

Lots of great advice, but I wondered if anyone had advice on this, relating to the divorce specifically:

1. Hiding assets - exDH has a number of very expensive properties in his name. They were bought in his name by his parents, to avoid inheritance tax later on. They mainly use them, but legally they belong to him and his sister. I have no proof of this, but do know it’s true, at least for two properties. I wouldn’t try and “take them”, but I would want to use this as leverage to keep my property which I bought before we were married. So the question is, can they just change the names of the owners back to his mum and dad? Or just to his sisters name? What can I do to get ahead of this?

2. Company shares - exDH is due to get a large amount of shares in a company quite soon. It’s something he’d been building up and essentially he always saw the hard work as worth it as the payday would come, even though we’ve not seen anything yet, much. So I’ve supported him looking after all the children on my own while he’s been doing this, but if the “transaction” happens after separation or divorce, then I guess I’d have no claim to this?

3. Custody - there’s a lot of people saying it’s best to get 50/50, but I just think I’d miss my kids too much and don’t want him to have them!! I’d want them to keep a relationship, but I don’t want to feel like I’ve lost my marriage and my children! It’s going to be a rough few years, but in the long run, probably good to have had them as much as possible? What do you think?

4. Ducks in a Row - people saying this a lot, but what do they really mean?

A lot of this seems really mean and nasty, but I’m angry. He left me for his junior colleague, while I have a baby, 2 year old and 4 year old!! Someone we’d argued about a lot, and he used to gaslight me, when really he knew i was right all along - it’s terrible! So I essentially want to take him to the cleaners.

May I suggest Burgess Mee.

There is a particular partner I’d suggest too, but I’m sure they are all great. Again, as a previous poster mentioned, this is a top tier firm so may be out of your price range. But after you mentioned the properties it did make me wonder if they would be useful.

Men are all selfish deep down

my exh left when son was 4 to be with OW, his mum & dad within literally 4 weeks had OW round there house! He moved into her flat within less than a month
When exh did have ds it was always fitting around OW weekend rota. When she was working he’d take ds to his mother’s (he not really taking him out)
I couldn’t believe how he ds dad could walk away with ds crying and saying he go too whilst exh gad his bag packed. Ds thought he was going on holiday!
He only ever saw him maybe 2-4 times a month because of shifts and eventually that fizzled out.
He actually thought I was going to sell the house ds and I lived in still . Not a chance, I pulled all the guilt trip out the box, I was giving him something to think about. I won , I got house & car, he walked away with freedom he wanted.

OW eventually left him !!!
He’s now with another woman, they now have dd
and married . He’s 67 she’s 48 , so maybe he will stay loyal now he older and need a carer when time comes

Get all you can, get your keys back (he doesn’t live there anymore) you don’t want him coming in at anytimes it upsets the kids 👍
write notes off all assets (with £££)
find anything financial in his name (unless he’s took all paperwork)?
Look in places like, drawers, suit pockets, jackets
unless all clothes have gone !
you want half the money BACK from joint account asap or your going to the police
Have you asked him for maintenance for you & children (someone has to look after them )
He was going to pay a NANNY

You need to be one step ahead,

We’re all rooting for you OP!

One day you’ll look back at these threads with pride when you see how far you’ve come.

Good for you OP to come out fighting for yourself and your little ones. Get the best legal advice you can afford. Get as much help from others as you can. Good luck with everything x

Speak to a solicitor and have the file a lien/interest over your husband’s properties. It will prevent him from dealing with them/transferring them until that is lifted. My ex husband did this to me. It was a pain in the arse and I had to pay to remove them after the financial settlement.

You can claim even the properties he’s inherited from his parents. The bastard left you with 3 kids including a baby, he has zero shame so take him to the cleaners for all he’s got! You’ll get a lot more than you think

You need a lawyer quickly one who specialises in financial remedy proceedings. Get as much information together on his company, properties, assets, bank accounts etc.

I don’t say this very often OP, but you really need to take him to the cleaners, he’s left you with 3 small children

Yano you've every right to be angry and want to take him to the cleaners but do it properly wity a good solicitor they'll dig out everything he owns and you can have what your entitled to just don't let him turn you into a bitter person and what a twonk leaving for for a bit of skirt you have your beautiful babies and a nasty arse man out ye life xx

I note that no advice given so far that the husband is already lawyered up.

So no time to lose.

Register all the properties on LR Property Alert service which is free. Register your own interest on these properties and each will cost £40 and also register a restriction on the titles that they cannot be sold without your consent

Print off the title certificates and if leasehold then apply for copies of the lease(s).

you need a lawyer now

You should consult a lawyer if you were married. You need to do this properly.

If you know the addresses of the properties you should be able to place a caution on the title, and once it's gone to court any sale with your husband's name on it (on the title) should be administered/overseen by the court to ensure you get your fair share of his portion of the proceeds of a sale, even if it's transferred back to his parents (which isn't easy - property has to be revalued and stamp duty paid on the new value and if there's a mortgage too..........there'll have to be valuations undertaken etc etc). Not easy, v convoluted. Get to your lawyer asap.

1 night in week and eow is what a judge will order anyways. So do this.

Divorce isn't the first thing tbh that comes. I'd focus on buying him out or him buying you out. Ultimately apply for any uni credit etc if able. And don't go to a new relationship yet neither sort ya head out and get some counselling honestly I wish I did.

Also he shit on you so don't hold back. Sorry re read the post. You want half of the amount of the properties in your settlement you want half the cost of his business any pension etc.

Or the house paying off and signing fully over to you eow and full maintenance go via the proper channels of csa as well as he has to legally declare every year so your payments also go up. He has to half everything make him suffer make him pay why should the new woman profit from his success you should and you will. Get a divorce lawyer billed at the end as if you do it yourself looks like you will lose out x

You’ve had some great advice op, and some slightly incorrect - maybe due to different jurisdictions. Assuming you are in the UK:

About his properties, if you know the address, you can look up the legal owner on the land registry and it’s less than £10 to download the information about each one. If he’s registered as the owner, you can register a ‘beneficial interest’. This is free, and just stops him from making any changes to the ownership, taking out a new mortgage etc. Do this asap.

About the children, am I right in thinking he is planning to move abroad with work? If so, he will be able to see them during holidays only? He won’t be allowed to uproot them. However, if he stays in the area and wants 50:50 it’s quite hard to fight this (apart from the very tiny baby).

About your assets, it will all go into a ‘pot’ for division. Properties, cars, pensions, savings, jewellery, watches etc. This is then divided and the ‘starting point’ is 50:50. If either of you needs more than 50% you would have to justify this. If the joint funds that he took is a significant amount and he’s frittered this away, you can ask that this is ‘added back’ also to the pot.

I really feel for you, but I also know that you have escaped an awful man, and eventually you will probably feel really glad you got rid of him.

https://vardags.com/law-guide/important-divorce-cases/miller-macfarlane

your story reminds me of the macfarlane case - the marriage was longer and kids older but the state of their careers before kids was considered

you also need to get a forensic accountant. The fact he’s taken all the savings shows he will hide things and I understand he will have to pay for the accountant if he has not been honest on the financial declaration (he might be but it seems unlikely). I also understand that any change in ownership of his assets after the date of separation will also be considered

it sounds like you could get back into a good career once you have had a chance to regroup and consider childcare etc

I’m sorry he’s done this to you but you sound like a very capable person who will most likely fly without him holding you back!

About his business, a judge would most likely ask for a valuation of his share by a forensic accountant. This would then also go into the ‘pot’ for division. If he’s likely to receive this soon, it can be argued that it is a marital asset, and especially as you have supported him to build this.

Getting your ducks in a row - gather copies of everything financial. Put all of the information you have into a spreadsheet. One column for his assets, one for yours, and one for anything shared. Include anything worth over £500. Also list all debts. Take this to a solicitor. Most will offer a fixed fee initial session. Ask them for the best, and the worst case scenario. Get them to help you come up with a reasonable offer, and make that offer.

Hey @Gnarly999,

Hope you’re doing okay and taking care of yourself.

Have you thought about where you want to live long-term? Do you have a good personal support network—your own family and friends—or are they farther away? I mean yours specifically, not mutual friends or his. When your divorce becomes public, some of those shared ‘friends’ might take sides or quietly distance themselves.

It sounds like you rely mostly on his parents, but that may not be sustainable or ideal after the split. If you’re considering moving closer to your own family or somewhere with better job opportunities for you for the future, it might be easier to do that before your oldest starts school. That said, your ex could object, and you may need a court order to relocate.

Just wanted to flag this in case it helps as you think about how best to support yourself and your little ones. Sending hugs 💕

Can't really advise on property but I do know to sign a property over to a family member costs a lot of money, i was quoted approx £10,000 which I can't afford.
As for 50/50 with children, he's not bothered with them as it is, so could you honestly see him wanting them to stay with him and his gf ? I can't, I'd go for sole custody, stating he's not really interested in looking after them while you were married and can't see it changing. Seek legal advice is what I'd do.

You really need to be asking your solicitor these questions and getting them onto finding the answers, they will tell you all the legalities you want to know.

OP go for everything you are entitled to including the family properties in his name. You may also be able to include future shares if they have been promised based on past/ current work and he has been underpaid accordingly. Just means present income would be split more in your favour. You came in to marriage with your property based on his behaviour and sine you cannot work due to child care and single parenthood you deserve more.

revenge best served cold- and by a lawyer.

Haven't read the thread, but the best thing you can do is find the best family lawyer you can, one that specialises in family law and not just a high street lawyer. I did this, (i.e. went to a high street lawyer) and it was the worst thing I could have done when I got divorced. Good luck. Sounds like you have your head screwed on, unlike me when it happened to me and I lost just about everything, not least because I received poor legal advice.

Point 1. You can go to the land registry
(search-property-information.service.gov.uk/?_ga=2.227252893.1011285419.1624257816-2123334908.1623227908)

put in the address and buy a copy of the title register for about £3. That will tell you who owns it and any mortgage etc. It’ll take months to change the register so even if they’ve applied, you will have proof of the situation when this happened.

Good luck!!

On the 50/50 custody, he probably won't go for that. His young girlfriend won't want to be looking after two young kids and a baby. She'll get fed up soon, dump him and he'll probably try and crawl back to you. Tell him where to go if he does. He's not to be trusted. But get yourself a lawyer and don't tell his parents anything to do with your plans. They'll stick up for their son, no matter what.

I’ve thought this too. Sadly he seems like when they’re out of sight, they’re out of mind as he never even rings them when he’s away! It’s so sad when Dads are like this. I really hope OP is ok 🙏🏻