Is it unreasonable for husband to give his siblings Power of Attourney (financial), instead of me?

[Imaresponsibleadult]

Exactly that.

I was sorting out a cupboard and found a document dated 2 years after our marriage, giving his siblings financial P o Attorney (England).

He had done this without telling me and his shitty siblings agreed to it!
We've been married over 15 years and his siblings control his bank account and savings if he was unable to??!! WTF

Im not a gambler and don't go nuts with money. I'm responsible- I'm the one who moves accounts to gain more interest!
I'm fuming that he's kept it secret for over 12 years, despite me saying to him that we both need to Wills etc.
Devious!!

@Imaresponsibleadult time for an appointment with a good lawyer. On the quiet of course.

Poa is only for before death. If you were bereaved it would be his Will but it would be difficult for him to disinherit his wife and kids who are financially reliant on him

A POA comes into effect when they no longer have capacity to make decisions themselves.It does sound like he has hidden it from you but there could be a reasonable explanation. It isn't the same as who would control your finances if he died.

If he dies he would likely get death in service which would be paid to the spouse and children. Pensions can also be paid out to spouses depending on the type he has.

I think you need a sit down conversation and take things from there. Also make sure you have some money in a separate account for yourself.

Are you thinking of executor?

Financial LPOA is basically just to enable you to pay the person's bills using their own money - a bit of extra admin but hardly a huge responsibility.

Yes, but lots of other people are saying this is a bad idea. If he's injured or sick and can't handle his own affairs, but still living, they can invoke the PoA and likely control the money.

I have never used it, but have certified Healthcare and. Financial Power of Attorney. DH has PTSD and Bipolar 1. He is often impulsive, and it's a comfort that we have that option if we ever need it. Our daughters have secondary PoA if something happens to me. I cannot imagine a situation where his siblings would ever be given that power.

OP, please take a copy of that to an attorney and find out how it might impact you. You need a will, even if he won't get one. A good family law firm should be able to help you protect yourself and your children.

The basic premise is neither good nor bad. My father has a lasting financial power of attorney in place that would give me the authority to handle financial matters if he's incapacitated and I'm also named as executor in his will. But his wife knows this and approves (as do all of my siblings), they're happily married, and his will provides for her and my adult step siblings. I'm well equipped to handle his financial matters, I'm already involved in the family investments and trusts that he manages now, and if something were to happen to him me handling those matters would be one of the best things I could do to support my step-mother. The bulk of their assets are also jointly owned so his wife would retain the same level of control she shares now with him even if something happened to him that made the PoA kick in.

It's the context around it that's unacceptable in your case, OP. Creating wills and setting up powers of attorney is something that should be done together with open discussion in a marriage. Don't lose sight of the forest for the trees - the fact that he won't work with you on these big life decisions/plans and doesn't seem to value you feeling secure is the problem.

A POA comes into effect when they no longer have capacity to make decisions themselves.

Not necessarily, it depends what's stipulated in the document. Financial attorneys can act on behalf of the donor when they still have capacity in most cases. It's different for health and welfare for obvious reasons, that only comes into force when the donor's incapacitated.

Not necessarily true, if he’s possibly made a will in similar terms to his LPA. As his wife, she can contest it, but it’s an ordeal to go through.

The LPA as you say, becomes invalid on his death. But if he’s willingly appointed his siblings as attorneys, he’s likely done a will appointing them as executors, and they are the only ones legally able to deal with his sole financial accounts.

They are his Executors and again, I had no idea till he gave me the Will.
He says he's being reasonable and I should leave him in peace to work - for his siblings benefit?!

OP, you need to talk to a divorce lawyer. You also need to make sure you are saving money in your own account somewhere.

You would be financially better off as a dray at home parent in this scenario, divorced rather than trying to fix this.

What Esme says.
I'm going to draw up a list of savings etc, for my husband and me and our kids.
I'm telling him it's so we know where things are if one of us dies.
He didn't remember about one savings account I opened at birth for one kid!
Then I'll be able to start separation.

The Executors are not the same as the beneficiaries. My husband and I don't have each other as executors, we have family and friends.
It is if you are a beneficiary that is the main. Issue.

What is DSis?

Sister

No I think they'd ask for the reasoning behind it and when it pointed to lack of trust then they'd tell her to leave.

Again, an executor is an administrative role. I'm an executor on two wills where there are spouses and children who could have been chosen. Some people don't like to burden their nearest and dearest with that task.

Who are the beneficiaries? That's more important for you to know. None of the information you've given here suggests his siblings are benefitting from his arrangements.

Philosophical, his family are also beneficiaries, more so than me.

I think you've hit the nail on the head.

My friend says I should write to him about this but I think it's too late: If he thinks it's ok to keep quiet about LPA and do his Will and not mine, then there's big differences between us. I think I need to stop challenging him and do what is right for me by saying enough, I need a separation and full financial knowledge as part of it.

What is the financial set up regarding housing?

What is he leaving to them as opposed to you?

Do you have any assets to leave in a will or are you financially dependent on him?

On what you've said so far, it does seem that he does not see you as part of his life and longer term you could end up homeless and in dire straits.

Why on earth would someone not want their own wife to make decisions about their money, in the event they could not do it themselves?

Can you imagine having to ask your sil or bil for money whilst you looked after your incapacitated DH? What an insult. Speaks volumes.

Divorce would be better than separation, wouldn't it? It would sort your financial split now.^^

Im working on financial statements now ready for a solicitor.

You know in the past he gave money a few thousand to his siblings but he may never have gotten this money back. Meanwhile your married to him, you have kids together and your a sahm. Due to you being a sahm he can work long hours and build up his nest egg. He gave money away in the past without discussing this with you and with no thought to you or his kid's.
Now you found out that he has a legal form giving his siblings power over his money if he can no longer look after it say due to an accident or illness. Imagine him getting sick, not able to work and you having to ask his brother's/sister for his benefits money or his savings ect.
You need this money to pay the mortgage, bills, for the kids and to keep a roof over his head.
At the same time you could be looking after him 24/7 and dealing with his physical and or mental health injury and trying to bring up his children at the same time.

I have seen the effect of a brain injury and the person can look ok but are verbally and physically abusive and are not able to hold down a job. I also seen people getting motor neuron, ms and altizermers and they needed a lot of care before going into a high dependency care unit.

In your situation I would gather up all the financial information you can find, take several copies of it, give some of these copies to your parents and close friends. I would get an appointment with a solicitor and chat to them about what you found and what would happen to you legally now if he was to get sick or died.
I would then ask about getting a divorce. I would not stick around to end up caring for a man and having to beg his siblings for money.
So with a divorce he can figure out then how to mind his children, get them to and from school, do the weekend activities ect. He can also find a new place to live in as well.
Because your at home with his children he can work long hours and leave all the work this entails to you. His siblings are not going to step up to look after his children and nor are they going to mind him as an adult if anything bad was to happen to him.

Yet he went behind your back and did this without any consideration for you or his kid's. It time you ended things with him. Get yourself back into the work force and build up your own life and own wealth. I know that this may not be an easy thing to do and you could have a few hard years ahead but I would not stay with a man who has so little regard for you or his kid's.

Be cause financial abuse from men to women is statically more likely than from women to men within marriage.

That would make no difference to anything