Is it unreasonable for husband to give his siblings Power of Attourney (financial), instead of me?

[Imaresponsibleadult]

Exactly that.

I was sorting out a cupboard and found a document dated 2 years after our marriage, giving his siblings financial P o Attorney (England).

He had done this without telling me and his shitty siblings agreed to it!
We've been married over 15 years and his siblings control his bank account and savings if he was unable to??!! WTF

Im not a gambler and don't go nuts with money. I'm responsible- I'm the one who moves accounts to gain more interest!
I'm fuming that he's kept it secret for over 12 years, despite me saying to him that we both need to Wills etc.
Devious!!

Acrossthepond: Youre right, I have to focus on the bigger things, they're both in my bed tonight.
He moved rooms a few years ago cos of my nightsweats. Thank you HRT for removing my symptoms!!

As hard as it is, you need to keep your cool and not let on what your real reasons are for going through financial documentation.

Keep the documents you find somewhere safe, or if it's not safe to remove them take copies- things like the headed paper will make transactions traceable.

Abusive men often become more abusive or dangerous when they sense that their grip on the victim is loosening, so tread carefully.

Taking photos.
I told him it's to put papers in a file and not loose in a drawer cos I want to know where home insurance documents are, to make sure I've got a list of my ISA's and my pension info.

Told him I'm gathering info for both of us so that we both know where documentation is in case of an emergency.

so are you nearly through gathering all the evidence you need?
Is the forensic accountant going to go through all this?
Is the solicitor waiting for everything to be unearthed before filing divorce proceedings?
Do you have anywhere sorted to go if he becomes angry/abusive?
Are you family aware this is happening and are supportive?

Surely, if you have access to all these documents, nothing is hidden. Make an appointment with your accountant for you and your husband to discuss and understand your full financial position.

It could be that he is paying less tax due to splitting income in a trust. It could be that his family paid for his studies.

It is time for you both to consider your children and your own retirement, home ownership and investment growth. For those reasons alone you need to visit the accountant together.

If your DH wants to continue to support his family, it is best that you understand and agree to that. Another reason why it is important to have a meeting with the accountant.

I think he is old school and thinks he makes the money, so he oversees it. Interested to see how you go.

Yes to all of Stripy's questions.
User, I haven't got access to all the documentation - I've never seen a copy of the bank statement with his income on.
He's repeatedly refused to see an accountant with me.

well i think you are more or less ready then… if all you need are his bank statements, that will be one of the first things he has to divulge within divorce proceedings… speak to your support worker/family for support IRL and start getting yourself ready for the next stage, your DH will go thought different stages shock, denial, anger, gaslighting (seems like he already does this) he may grovel a bit (i don’t think so by the sounds of him) but ultimately you need to have a clear plan moving forwards to create stability for your children, keep updating us please OP

Hi.
He's previously made me out to be ungrateful and odd not to put him first.
I have to get out of this marriage.
I see photos of his family and wonder what he's given them.
He doesn't even offer me paracetamol when I'm ill.
I've got his pension info🥳

Have you made plans for where you’re going to live? Have you spoken to your solicitor about an occupation order so you can stay in your house (because of DA)?
Hurrah for getting his pension info. Have you come across tax returns?

No tax returns so far.
I want to stay in the house.

OP are you the same poster who's husband hid £122k from her?

I'm not sure if I'm getting 2 threads mixed up or if you're the same person

It's a different poster.
Men can be awful.

That's an old thread from January finding a good man is like finding a needle in a hat stack.

I understand that. BUT it's pretty normal in a divorce that either one spouse buys the other out or the house is sold and proceeds divided. It's pretty rare these days that a house is simply given to one spouse, even a SAHM with small children. She may be awarded a larger part of the equity after sale or a larger share of marital assets to enable her to rehouse herself and the children, but even that isn't a sure thing. This is another reason why it's so important that you find out as much about hidden assets as you can, to increase the marital 'pot'.

Of course, you can propose that he sign the house over to you and in return you'll take a lesser share of the marital assets, but this is something you'll really need to speak with that solicitor about. You want to be sure it's in your best interests to do that rather than to go for a 'cash' split.

Yes, clearly the same poster. On both threads they make reference to their H not offering them a paracetamol when they're ill, and male privilege...

It was totally confusing me for a while. I thought I was reading the same thread (wasn't paying attention to titles, usernames etc)

It's a club no-one wants to join but we unwillingly find ourselves members.