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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Is it unreasonable for husband to give his siblings Power of Attourney (financial), instead of me?

293 replies

Imaresponsibleadult · 21/02/2025 19:11

Exactly that.

I was sorting out a cupboard and found a document dated 2 years after our marriage, giving his siblings financial P o Attorney (England).

He had done this without telling me and his shitty siblings agreed to it!
We've been married over 15 years and his siblings control his bank account and savings if he was unable to??!! WTF

Im not a gambler and don't go nuts with money. I'm responsible- I'm the one who moves accounts to gain more interest!
I'm fuming that he's kept it secret for over 12 years, despite me saying to him that we both need to Wills etc.
Devious!!

OP posts:
Soontobe60 · 21/02/2025 20:09

rosyvalentine · 21/02/2025 19:58

My ex did something like this. We weren't married but have 2 kids. I found out that he had willed his half of our house to his DH and DS. And made them his executors. The house for which I had provided a £100k deposit. It was the end for us.

If you paid £100k deposit why didn’t you own it as tenants in common to reflect the % each of you had invested?

FarmGirl78 · 21/02/2025 20:12

rosyvalentine · 21/02/2025 19:58

My ex did something like this. We weren't married but have 2 kids. I found out that he had willed his half of our house to his DH and DS. And made them his executors. The house for which I had provided a £100k deposit. It was the end for us.

Being an executor to a will, being a beneficary of a will and having PoA are 3 very different things.

LavenderFields7 · 21/02/2025 20:14

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Original poster
Imaresponsibleadult · 21/02/2025 20:19

rosyvalentine · 21/02/2025 19:58

My ex did something like this. We weren't married but have 2 kids. I found out that he had willed his half of our house to his DH and DS. And made them his executors. The house for which I had provided a £100k deposit. It was the end for us.

I'm on the receiving end of similar.

OP posts:
PhilosophicalCheeseSandwich · 21/02/2025 20:19

Do you know if he has a will?

The POA isn't that big a deal really. Being an attorney is essentially an administrative role. But I understand that it's hurtful to not be told about his arrangements.

Original poster
Imaresponsibleadult · 21/02/2025 20:20

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I'd be leaving him cos this is one of many instances where he's favoured his siblings over me, including when I miscarried and needed him to be with me!

OP posts:
Tumbler2121 · 21/02/2025 20:22

You said you’ve been talking to him about getting a will … sounds like he already has and it’s with his siblings. Even if he makes one favouring you, he can change it again without telling you

Original poster
Imaresponsibleadult · 21/02/2025 20:24

AppropriateAdult · 21/02/2025 19:44

Obviously this is very hurtful, OP, but just to be clear - POA expires on death, so you would have sole access to joint bank accounts in that scenario, and would presumably inherit all or most of your husband's estate.

Nope, cos he's sharing that with his siblings too!

So if he's very ill (unconscious) and PoA kicks in, it's better if he dies??!! Illogical.

OP posts:
Original poster
Imaresponsibleadult · 21/02/2025 20:24

Tumbler2121 · 21/02/2025 20:22

You said you’ve been talking to him about getting a will … sounds like he already has and it’s with his siblings. Even if he makes one favouring you, he can change it again without telling you

I'm screwed. You're right.

OP posts:
thepariscrimefiles · 21/02/2025 20:25

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I think it's the other way round. OP is thinking of leaving him because he has done stuff like this before and isn't to be trusted.

BIossomtoes · 21/02/2025 20:25

Imaresponsibleadult · 21/02/2025 19:22

Yes, unforgivable. I should be on that sheet WITH them or instead of.
I know there were commitments before our marriage and that's why one sibling is on it, but both??
And never to mention it to me, any of them.
Husband is a healthcare professional working in hospital during Covid FFS! If the worst had happened, I would have been a bereaved wife with 2 kids asking and having to justify paying the mortgage?!!

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You wouldn’t because PoA only applies if you’re alive and unable to manage your own finances.

caringcarer · 21/02/2025 20:28

justasking111 · 21/02/2025 20:02

That's grim now you have children

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That would be the end for me. He would have left you unable to provide a home for your DC. Unforgivable and doing it behind your back. If the worst had happened and your DH had died during the pandemic you'd have been blind sided as and all during your grief.

Ddakji · 21/02/2025 20:29

caringcarer · 21/02/2025 20:28

That would be the end for me. He would have left you unable to provide a home for your DC. Unforgivable and doing it behind your back. If the worst had happened and your DH had died during the pandemic you'd have been blind sided as and all during your grief.

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Luckily that’s not going to happen because a POA ceases once the person is dead.

Too many people, including the OP, not understanding how POAs work.

ButterCrackers · 21/02/2025 20:29

Take this document or photo of it to a lawyer to see what it means to you his next of kin. See what you can do about this POA. It’s wrong that it wasn’t discussed with you. It can’t cover what you own yourself. Find out exactly what the consequences of this document are for you.

VelvetUndergrounds · 21/02/2025 20:29

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How do you know it's his sisters?

Unless you're the OP's husband....

bellocchild · 21/02/2025 20:29

At least make your own will, and choose guardians for your children who are not related to him. And tell him you've done this.

orangewasp · 21/02/2025 20:34

There shouldn't be secrets like this in a marriage. He sounds sneaky.

HolidayHattie · 21/02/2025 20:37

wizzywig · 21/02/2025 19:14

I'd be chucking that paperwork in the bin.

That's a bit pointless given that LPAs have to be registered with the office of the public guardian. If that's been done, destroying the document will only mean that the LPA can't be cancelled, as you have to send the original to change or cancel it.

Sulu17 · 21/02/2025 20:37

I'm so sorry, OP. I had an ex who consistently lied to me and put his family first in his priorities. I am afraid that there's only one course of action because they don't change.

Isittimeformynapyet · 21/02/2025 20:38

andyouwillknowusbythetrailofdead · 21/02/2025 19:59

That would be a really shitty and controlling thing to do.

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No, it would be an utterly pointless thing to do.

grumpygrape · 21/02/2025 20:42

When my husband and I did our LPoAs we had to notify people who might be in a position to challenge the LPoA. As we named each other first and then close relatives second nobody challenged.

I’m surprised (if he did it with a solicitor) he wasn’t told he needed to notify his wife.

Don’t forget though, a Financial LPoA is only if he is incapable of handling his finances, it’s not a Will.

BeeDavis · 21/02/2025 20:43

Imaresponsibleadult · 21/02/2025 19:22

Yes, unforgivable. I should be on that sheet WITH them or instead of.
I know there were commitments before our marriage and that's why one sibling is on it, but both??
And never to mention it to me, any of them.
Husband is a healthcare professional working in hospital during Covid FFS! If the worst had happened, I would have been a bereaved wife with 2 kids asking and having to justify paying the mortgage?!!

Show quote history

That’s not what a POA is.. it’s for if someone loses mental capacity. If he dies, the POA is pointless.

Gardengirl108 · 21/02/2025 20:45

wizzywig · 21/02/2025 19:14

I'd be chucking that paperwork in the bin.

Doesn’t matter if she did destroy the paperwork, if properly registered, it’s with the Office of the Public Guardian and the attorneys (siblings) will have been notified and have copies. The only way to rescind it is for the donor (OP’s husband) to formally withdraw it.

ButterCrackers · 21/02/2025 20:46

grumpygrape · 21/02/2025 20:42

When my husband and I did our LPoAs we had to notify people who might be in a position to challenge the LPoA. As we named each other first and then close relatives second nobody challenged.

I’m surprised (if he did it with a solicitor) he wasn’t told he needed to notify his wife.

Don’t forget though, a Financial LPoA is only if he is incapable of handling his finances, it’s not a Will.

To add that I’ve seen POA be used to make expensive unnecessary purchases. As long as it’s agreed in the interests of the person not able to control their money. Be wary of thinking it’s just a POA. It can be used to take money that might have gone to you in a will. Once it’s spent it’s gone.

Inertia · 21/02/2025 20:49

Sounds like you’d be better off divorcing and getting your fair share of your marital assets now, rather than being completely screwed over further down the line .