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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Is it unreasonable for husband to give his siblings Power of Attourney (financial), instead of me?

293 replies

Imaresponsibleadult · 21/02/2025 19:11

Exactly that.

I was sorting out a cupboard and found a document dated 2 years after our marriage, giving his siblings financial P o Attorney (England).

He had done this without telling me and his shitty siblings agreed to it!
We've been married over 15 years and his siblings control his bank account and savings if he was unable to??!! WTF

Im not a gambler and don't go nuts with money. I'm responsible- I'm the one who moves accounts to gain more interest!
I'm fuming that he's kept it secret for over 12 years, despite me saying to him that we both need to Wills etc.
Devious!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Imaresponsibleadult · 22/02/2025 12:40

Ihadenough22 · 22/02/2025 11:49

You know in the past he gave money a few thousand to his siblings but he may never have gotten this money back. Meanwhile your married to him, you have kids together and your a sahm. Due to you being a sahm he can work long hours and build up his nest egg. He gave money away in the past without discussing this with you and with no thought to you or his kid's.
Now you found out that he has a legal form giving his siblings power over his money if he can no longer look after it say due to an accident or illness. Imagine him getting sick, not able to work and you having to ask his brother's/sister for his benefits money or his savings ect.
You need this money to pay the mortgage, bills, for the kids and to keep a roof over his head.
At the same time you could be looking after him 24/7 and dealing with his physical and or mental health injury and trying to bring up his children at the same time.

I have seen the effect of a brain injury and the person can look ok but are verbally and physically abusive and are not able to hold down a job. I also seen people getting motor neuron, ms and altizermers and they needed a lot of care before going into a high dependency care unit.

In your situation I would gather up all the financial information you can find, take several copies of it, give some of these copies to your parents and close friends. I would get an appointment with a solicitor and chat to them about what you found and what would happen to you legally now if he was to get sick or died.
I would then ask about getting a divorce. I would not stick around to end up caring for a man and having to beg his siblings for money.
So with a divorce he can figure out then how to mind his children, get them to and from school, do the weekend activities ect. He can also find a new place to live in as well.
Because your at home with his children he can work long hours and leave all the work this entails to you. His siblings are not going to step up to look after his children and nor are they going to mind him as an adult if anything bad was to happen to him.

Yet he went behind your back and did this without any consideration for you or his kid's. It time you ended things with him. Get yourself back into the work force and build up your own life and own wealth. I know that this may not be an easy thing to do and you could have a few hard years ahead but I would not stay with a man who has so little regard for you or his kid's.

Thank you so much for putting into words what's been going round my head.
I feel I've got a plan going forward, especially now I've found life assurance policy benefitting said siblings. There's one for me too, but why them?
I think his behaviour/actions is reinforced and/or encouraged by his family (me and the kids are his family FFS) and challenging it is now a waste of my time.
I'm going after every penny!!!!

OP posts:
plantpottie · 22/02/2025 14:13

Startinganew32 · 21/02/2025 19:42

For whatever reason he doesn’t trust you and that is why he has chosen to give his siblings PoA instead. It’s impossible to say whether he’s unreasonable or not - if it was a woman on here saying she didn’t trust her DH and would prefer her sister to have PoA instead, I bet everyone would be sympathetic and tell her she was doing the right thing.

Uuummm I wonder why....

plantpottie · 22/02/2025 14:26

Imaresponsibleadult · 21/02/2025 23:15

It ends with the death of the donor - what if he has a stroke/brain haemorrhag/traumatic brain injury?
He could have brain damage and not be competent to make decisions.

I'm married to a healthcare professional and I know that advances in medicine keep people alive but not as mentally capable as they were before an incident.

This is so true.
My siblings and I had POAs for our parents, there's the option to require all the signatories to act together or that we could all act solo.
As siblings we all trusted each other so we ticked that any of us could act solo.
Awful that you couldn't even be on the list! (There was 6 of us on my parents list).

One of my parents had dementia and so we used the POA both health & financial, it was very easy, and only required a letter from his Doctor/the memory clinic (scanned and sent from my email addresss not directly from the Drs/Hospital) to confirm his diagnosis.
Incredibly easy to fake.
No issues in my family, none of us would ever do anything dodgy and we were all accountable to each other.
Op has none of those assurances.
Apart from the principle which is bad enough, as a spouse you have that power in law already, he's basically removed it from you.
That's not a marriage.

Once the money's gone, it's gone. Pretty much zero chance of getting it back.

DingDingRound3 · 22/02/2025 14:30

Imaresponsibleadult · 21/02/2025 20:24

I'm screwed. You're right.

Show quote history

Dependency - which a spouse can claim, is one of the few challenges you can make to a will.

Original poster
Imaresponsibleadult · 22/02/2025 19:00

I shouldn't have to challenge his Will, do u mean after death?

Is there a way I can find out who witnessed it?
I can't do anything about their signatures, but it would help me to know who to ask why they were ok with this.

OP posts:
Pessismistic · 22/02/2025 19:31

Hi Op sorry you’re dealing with this what a devious man. Absolutely no respect for you whatsoever. I’m glad your not sticking around take everything you can let him work 7 days a week and look after his siblings financially and make a new life for yourself and your kids. if you ever have any doubts remind yourself that he was willing to leave you and your kids high and dry and could have left you vulnerable with his siblings controlling everything disgusting behaviour from him good luck.

Original poster
Imaresponsibleadult · 22/02/2025 19:38

Pessimistic x

OP posts:
Ontobetterthings · 22/02/2025 20:00

I hope you don't mind me asking but are you an Asian family? Reason I ask is a lot of my friends are Asian and it's very common for them to be involved with each other finances and pool money together for things. It's not just a couple finances, more family put money together.

Original poster
Imaresponsibleadult · 22/02/2025 20:11

Ontobetterthings · 22/02/2025 20:00

I hope you don't mind me asking but are you an Asian family? Reason I ask is a lot of my friends are Asian and it's very common for them to be involved with each other finances and pool money together for things. It's not just a couple finances, more family put money together.

We're all white English.
I understand your question cos cultures differ.
It's not in my family of origin culture.

OP posts:
PhilosophicalCheeseSandwich · 22/02/2025 20:45

Is there a way I can find out who witnessed it? I can't do anything about their signatures, but it would help me to know who to ask why they were ok with this.

That's irrelevant, the witnesses probably won't have read the content of the will.

Pessismistic · 22/02/2025 21:00

PhilosophicalCheeseSandwich · 22/02/2025 20:45

Is there a way I can find out who witnessed it? I can't do anything about their signatures, but it would help me to know who to ask why they were ok with this.

That's irrelevant, the witnesses probably won't have read the content of the will.

Also it’s irrelevant who signed it your husband is the one in the wrong you need to concentrate on him.

Loveperiod · 22/02/2025 21:05

No disagree if u don’t trust on something big like that then get a divorce coz it’s not funny with children having to beg if something had happened. I would consider Divorce seriously take yr share and live yr life the audacity

SummerFeverVenice · 22/02/2025 21:05

Imaresponsibleadult · 21/02/2025 19:22

Yes, unforgivable. I should be on that sheet WITH them or instead of.
I know there were commitments before our marriage and that's why one sibling is on it, but both??
And never to mention it to me, any of them.
Husband is a healthcare professional working in hospital during Covid FFS! If the worst had happened, I would have been a bereaved wife with 2 kids asking and having to justify paying the mortgage?!!

Show quote history

No, POA has nothing to do with after death. You’d still account holder of all joint accounts. The financial POA wouldn’t give his siblings any access in the event of his death.

SummerFeverVenice · 22/02/2025 21:12

Candystripes85 · 21/02/2025 21:11

Also just reading some of the other posts and whoever said a POA wouldn’t have access to a joint account is incorrect. If the OP became unable to manage his accounts, his siblings would take over his place and would run the account with the OP in place of her husband. In effect they could clear the whole lot out and leave her with nothing.

Yes, if a doctor signed off on the DH not being mentis compis, they could then with POA, registering with the bank clear out the joint account. But IRL, OP would have ample opportunity to do this first….clear the joint account out to an account of her own.

DeeLasVegas · 22/02/2025 21:28

It makes no difference who signed it. Why they thought it was ok to do so doesn’t matter.

It’s also possible that it was witnessed by the solicitor who drew up the will. My mum’s was signed by her solicitor & his secretary.

Laura95167 · 22/02/2025 22:30

Imaresponsibleadult · 21/02/2025 19:17

We have a joint account and he has another one for saving.
They're shitty cos they agreed to this.
He's "lent" them money and he won't tell me if it's been repaid (a few thousand!).

Id be getting your own account and moving some money then confronting him

Teddybear23 · 22/02/2025 23:17

Make you own power of attorney and give that power to your siblings or someone you trust, NOT your husband. Don’t tell him what you’ve just seen, but you now know where you stand.

Original poster
Imaresponsibleadult · 23/02/2025 01:11

His family member told me tonight that he wants a wife who makes dinner (which i do) and trust him in financial matters, not asking anything about money.

I bumped into her in the supermarket earlier this evening. I was unhappy to see her and I guess it showed. She told me I'd feel better by making him a nice dinner and not asking him to reveal his financial matters, cos thats what he wants (I'm now wondering if I'll be replaced by a Stepford wife).

OP posts:
PeloMom · 23/02/2025 01:20

So he shared what’s going on in the household with that family member?

Original poster
Imaresponsibleadult · 23/02/2025 01:36

I don't know. I was unhappy and she told me I'd feel better if I looked after him.

Maybe he told her.

OP posts:
MJBear · 23/02/2025 02:39

You need to be super careful.

Play the dutiful wife. Play the game.

Take all the info to a solicitor.
Clear the joint account the moment you serve papers. Not a moment before.

It sounds like a very unhappy marriage.

But you don't want to spook him

BlondiePortz · 23/02/2025 02:56

wizzywig · 21/02/2025 19:14

I'd be chucking that paperwork in the bin.

Why on earth for? This place gets crazier each day

Mere1 · 23/02/2025 06:42

Zonder · 22/02/2025 10:43

Divorce would be better than separation, wouldn't it? It would sort your financial split now.^^

I agree.

Mere1 · 23/02/2025 06:43

MJBear · 23/02/2025 02:39

You need to be super careful.

Play the dutiful wife. Play the game.

Take all the info to a solicitor.
Clear the joint account the moment you serve papers. Not a moment before.

It sounds like a very unhappy marriage.

But you don't want to spook him

Sadly, this is correct. He is good at forward planning and hiding everything from you.

ThejoyofNC · 23/02/2025 06:49

MJBear · 23/02/2025 02:39

You need to be super careful.

Play the dutiful wife. Play the game.

Take all the info to a solicitor.
Clear the joint account the moment you serve papers. Not a moment before.

It sounds like a very unhappy marriage.

But you don't want to spook him

Good advice. Especially clearing your half of the bank account.

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