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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

I can’t afford to live…

204 replies

Jimmy1981 · 10/02/2025 06:54

Hi, just wondering if anyone has been In My situation and can help me..
I have recently separated, everything is amicable. I moved out of the family home, my wife and two children stayed in the home.
we have a mortgage on the house they live in.
i now have to pay half the mortgage, I also give my ex-wife money weekly, I also have to pay my rent and all my bills. I have a good job, but I’m now over my limit.
my landlord has put the rent up quite a bit. Rental prices are crazy now. Over £1000 a month for a two bed flat minimum.
my ex-wife won’t sell the house, so I need to pay half the mortgage otherwise the house gets signed over to her and I still owe half the mortgage (crazy rule isn’t it!!).
I can’t get financial help as I earn too much. I can’t get a council house as I own a property. I can’t buy a property as have no savings, and if I did want to buy it would be classed as second home so require 20% deposit.
i earn good money, but am at the point where I cant afford to live, I’m even toying with the idea of living in a van. I can’t see how to get out of my situation.
any help would be appreciated. Thanks

OP posts:
Glorybox2025 · 10/02/2025 09:48

blackbirdsingingoutside · 10/02/2025 09:33

So what, they've separated which even if amicable doesn't mean it's appropriate for him to move back in. No-one would be suggesting that if he was a woman.

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Absolute rubbish! People tell women not to move out all the time. If they have separated and can't afford to maintain two households then they have to live together until the house is sold.

Jenkib · 10/02/2025 09:51

Move back in to save money while the house sale goes through. Live parallel lives under the same roof.

Dont be a walkover OP. Neither of you are at fault so why should you be out of pocket etc.
My SIL cheated on my bro. HE moved out the family home and paid to rent elsewhere whilst she swanned about in the 5 bed family home. My blood boiled !
They have now sold their home fortunately.

HipMax · 10/02/2025 09:57

DustyLee123 · 10/02/2025 06:59

You need to force the sale of the house

No. You don't get to force your children out of their home.

ByWaryCrab · 10/02/2025 09:58

Glorybox2025 · 10/02/2025 09:48

Absolute rubbish! People tell women not to move out all the time. If they have separated and can't afford to maintain two households then they have to live together until the house is sold.

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Today with the economic crisis if it’s amicable many separated couples stay in the marital home. One guy I know put a big swish cabin and en-suite with an office in the garden, works a treat. It’s his home too, not good for his kids to see him struggle and better for them if he’s close by. Maybe they have a spare room or a living room that can be pressed into service? In divorce couples rarely think of the impact of their decisions upon the children. This is an amicable divorce so reason should prevail.

AlexandrinaH · 10/02/2025 09:59

Jimmy1981 · 10/02/2025 07:30

No, these are things I have found on Google. I’ve looked into it quite a lot to see what happens if I can’t afford to uphold my mortgage payments

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You absolutely CAN force the sale of the house. I work in law, and have dealt with this very thing.

AlexandrinaH · 10/02/2025 09:59

For gods sake don’t take legal advice from Google.

ByWaryCrab · 10/02/2025 10:01

AlexandrinaH · 10/02/2025 09:59

You absolutely CAN force the sale of the house. I work in law, and have dealt with this very thing.

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Listen to the lady OP

VanCleefArpels · 10/02/2025 10:03

HipMax · 10/02/2025 09:57

No. You don't get to force your children out of their home.

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This is absolutely wrong

AlexandrinaH · 10/02/2025 10:04

A mortgage is a joint and several liability. This means if one doesn’t pay the other one has to. If both don’t pay, the house is eventually repossessed, sold for what the lender can get, mortgage/fees paid off and whatever is left, if anything, split between you.

You need to see a proper solicitor (not Google & Scammers) and see where the land lies. Usually, a divorce settlement makes sure you are both adequately housed, and have somewhere for the children to live/stay. This does not necessarily mean the matrimonial home is retained. Sometimes it has to be sold for the good of everyone.

You just take legal advice. Not Google!!

HipMax · 10/02/2025 10:05

VanCleefArpels · 10/02/2025 10:03

This is absolutely wrong

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You're correct , it is absolutely wrong to force your children out of their home.

It's legal, obviously. But it's wrong

C152 · 10/02/2025 10:05

OP, Google can give you generic advice, but it sounds like you need experienced legal advice that take the specifics of your situation into account and what a judge is likely to order based on those specifics. Are you planning to get a financial order in place as part of your divorce? If so, you will need a solicitor anyway. Please see someone, as you know the current state of affairs isn't financially sustainable.

Imbusytodaysorry · 10/02/2025 10:06

blackbirdsingingoutside · 10/02/2025 09:31

Why are the replies so arsey.

Because it’s a man

Dozycuntlaters · 10/02/2025 10:10

You need to sell the house. Tell your ex that if she won't consider selling them as a half owner you will be moving back in, that might shift things along a bit.

ByWaryCrab · 10/02/2025 10:16

VanCleefArpels · 10/02/2025 10:03

This is absolutely wrong

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It’s not forcing children out of their home it’s giving them access to two homes so they can stay with each parent when needed. One partner doesn’t get to garner all the material wealth of the family. It is fairly shared, that’s the law.

Purplebunnie · 10/02/2025 10:18

BettyBardMacDonald · 10/02/2025 07:07

Force the sale of the house.

Why do you need a two bedroom flat?

So his children can stay with him

Tiswa · 10/02/2025 10:18

This thread is exactly why the OP should get legal advice and as a first step ask for mediation - it is difficult to gauge anything without an idea of equity/assets/pensions/house prices and the aim should absolutely be making sure there are two homes for the children
from the posts it seems amicable enough just quite a lot of naivety and lack of knowledge that mediation would help with figuring out who needs what and what can be done

sesquipedalian · 10/02/2025 10:19

OP, your situation is not common because most people getting a divorce would consult a solicitor to find out what the situation is - you need to get some legal advice pronto! The house needs to be sold and you both need to find somewhere you can afford. Divorce doesn’t mean one party forcing the other into penury. I’m sure your wife and children are very happy living in the former marital home, but it sounds unsustainable.

KingTutting · 10/02/2025 10:21

I know several women who have had to buy their ex out of the family home to stay in it. Most men can’t afford child support, a mortgage and rent elsewhere, it doesn’t make them bad people. Lots of people get the biggest mortgage they can, it’s not just a small bill every month.

Rents have gone through the roof and this is one of the side effects. Legal advice and start working on a financial settlement.

my friend has an amicable divorce and her dad had to buy her ex out, she then helped him find somewhere else so his children had somewhere decent to stay over as no way could he afford both.

LondonPapa · 10/02/2025 10:27

Jimmy1981 · 10/02/2025 07:24

Not sure how to reply to a post, hopefully this works.
so I need a two bed as I have my kids stay every other weekend. I probably would need to go to a 1bed, but even that is going to be difficult to afford.
To be clear.. you cannot force your ex-partner to sell the home or move out. It’s the law.
It is also a law that the house does get signed over to her if I default my payments on the mortgage, and I will still owe my half. It’s done for situations like this I guess where one person try’s to force the other out.
i would not do this though as my kids live there. It’s annoying, as she could get a new social house easy having two kids.
even if I get a one bed flat or a room to rent, not much of a life for the next 15 years is it…
sorry to sound depressed.. I guess I am.

Get a better lawyer. You can and should force the sale. If you don't pay, and she doesn't pay, you're both liable for the mortgage default and eventual repossession. You can offset mortgage payments against CMS payments if you face financial hardship (you pay less overall but still what CMS deems to be correct).

But seriously, see a lawyer, or a new one if the advice you've had so far is the above.

RB68 · 10/02/2025 10:28

Fact of the matter is they can no longer afford the house between them - people move all the time this "forcing the children" crap is just life stuff. FIle for divorce and get the financials settled even if you don't see it all the way through for what ever reason. Just get on with it and try to do it amicably.

Oh and no one gets social housing easy - 2 kids of not there just isn't enough

DoComeToMeKitty · 10/02/2025 10:28

You need to move forward with the divorce and finalise the financial details.

It sounds like you do need to sell the house and you should get a share of any capital.

I was able to keep the house following my divorce but only after paying my ex a lump sum as his share of the capital. I also had to get the bank to agree to me taking over the mortgage on my own.

Purplecatshopaholic · 10/02/2025 10:29

Mate, you are believing total nonsense, sorry - stop googling and see a lawyer. ASAP. The house likely needs to be sold and you split the proceeds and go from there. It’s not fun, but it’s doable when you know where you stand legally.

dottydodah · 10/02/2025 10:33

You need legal advice here .This isnt correct on Google .years ago spousal payments were often made, because women tended to work pt or not at all. Often women were given the house until children became of age .These days women are expected to work ,and are unlikely to be given spousal maintenance or the house. You need to have somewhere to live as well! your DC are not "losing their house" they are having to move elsewhere as many DC do .Please get off google and into Solicitors!

Missionimprobable · 10/02/2025 10:33

If you're in England then what you are goggling is incorrect.
Dsis is having to sell her house as exh wants his share, both parties are entitled to their share.
My dsis had a disabled child and nowhere to go.
You need to speak to a solicitor

Snorlaxo · 10/02/2025 11:02

A wild thread.

You can force the sale of the house so that both parents can live in a home suitable for the kids. Nobody has the right to live in the former marital home and your children aren’t being forced out- they have to move house as their mum (or you) can’t afford the house on their own which is very common.

You should pay the mortgage until the house is sold so that your credit is ruined for the future. The bank doesn’t care if one of you pays 100% or you both pay 50/50. There’s no transfer of equity if you default but your credit rating will be fucked.

Once the house is sold then you only owe your ex child maintenance. You both pay for your own homes and bills after that. You can find out how much you’d be asked to pay by using a Child Maintenance calculator which is available online.

I am not a lawyer but it sounds like you need some legal help to get the ball rolling because the info that you’ve found is wildly inaccurate and your ex is taking advantage of the fact that your info is wrong.