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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

I can’t afford to live…

204 replies

Jimmy1981 · 10/02/2025 06:54

Hi, just wondering if anyone has been In My situation and can help me..
I have recently separated, everything is amicable. I moved out of the family home, my wife and two children stayed in the home.
we have a mortgage on the house they live in.
i now have to pay half the mortgage, I also give my ex-wife money weekly, I also have to pay my rent and all my bills. I have a good job, but I’m now over my limit.
my landlord has put the rent up quite a bit. Rental prices are crazy now. Over £1000 a month for a two bed flat minimum.
my ex-wife won’t sell the house, so I need to pay half the mortgage otherwise the house gets signed over to her and I still owe half the mortgage (crazy rule isn’t it!!).
I can’t get financial help as I earn too much. I can’t get a council house as I own a property. I can’t buy a property as have no savings, and if I did want to buy it would be classed as second home so require 20% deposit.
i earn good money, but am at the point where I cant afford to live, I’m even toying with the idea of living in a van. I can’t see how to get out of my situation.
any help would be appreciated. Thanks

OP posts:
Willyoujustbequiet · 10/02/2025 07:45

That's not how property ownership works.

You have to pay half the mortgage if its also in your name because you are jointly and severally liable for the debt. If you don't pay it doesn't automatically get signed over to her.

You need to get a financial order in the divorce and the court will determine the settlement. She may get a larger share as resident parent but if she cannot afford the mortgage in her own name then the property must be sold/use her share to buy a cheaper property.

Mauro711 · 10/02/2025 07:46

Jimmy1981 · 10/02/2025 07:39

Yes, the divorce is going through now.
no she would not be able to afford the house or buy me out.
i’m going to have to try and ask her to sell again.
no I won’t live in a van.. I was just having a moment… although, some vans are quite nice! 😂
to be clear, she is not being difficult. Maybe she is just in a bubble and not realise my situation fully

Show quote history

You don't need to try and ask her, she will be told by the judge that it will need to be sold and any equity will be divided between the two of you. She can't opt out of that so you might as well tell her, don't ask, so she can prepare for that.

VisitationRights · 10/02/2025 07:46

If your ex can’t afford the mortgage on her own then she needs to sell and you split the profit. If she can afford the mortgage on her own then you draw up an agreement that states up until X date you were splitting the mortgage and have a Y interest in the property. You state that she has until Z date to stay in the property (sometimes until youngest is 18, depending on the ages of the children) and either pays you Y or she sells and you get Y from the sale. You need proper legal advice, go see a solicitor.

Anotherfrozenpizzafortea · 10/02/2025 07:46

Jimmy1981 · 10/02/2025 07:24

Not sure how to reply to a post, hopefully this works.
so I need a two bed as I have my kids stay every other weekend. I probably would need to go to a 1bed, but even that is going to be difficult to afford.
To be clear.. you cannot force your ex-partner to sell the home or move out. It’s the law.
It is also a law that the house does get signed over to her if I default my payments on the mortgage, and I will still owe my half. It’s done for situations like this I guess where one person try’s to force the other out.
i would not do this though as my kids live there. It’s annoying, as she could get a new social house easy having two kids.
even if I get a one bed flat or a room to rent, not much of a life for the next 15 years is it…
sorry to sound depressed.. I guess I am.

Where are you living op?

It's certainly NOT the law in England and Wales that you cannot force your ex to sell the house (I did), nor does the house get signed over to her if you default the payments.

my ex-wife won’t sell the house, so I need to pay half the mortgage otherwise the house gets signed over to her and I still owe half the mortgage (crazy rule isn’t it!!).
If your ex is staying in the house she needs to be able to afford to do so without additional help from you. In England and Wales this means your financial obligation is CMS - this can be used to may the mortgage if you are worried that she will default, but you are not obligated to pay over this.

You need better legal advice op. You CAN and SHOULD force the sale to enable you to afford to live and see your children in a home of your own.

mitogoshigg · 10/02/2025 07:46

If you are in the U.K. this is not the law. You can request a mortgage holiday for starters, the house can be put on the market and any money you pay towards the mortgage does count towards maintenance. You need to arrange mediation asap to discuss a financial settlement. If you aren't in England and wales then ignore this because laws differ

Treeinthesky · 10/02/2025 07:47

No. You have this wrong. She buys you out or you sell. You stop paying your half of the mortgage but you pay maintenance and your own rent. She needs to start working out if she can buy you out or not. Took me 1 year but I bloody bought my ex out. I worked 7 days a week for 1 year

Original poster
Jimmy1981 · 10/02/2025 07:47

Mummyoflittledragon · 10/02/2025 07:43

That is absolute bs. If it were true, men whose wives don’t work or vis versa would take all of the property. Go and see a solicitor NOW. This absolute is not the law. The law states 50/50 as a starting point.

Think how easy it would be for a lot of men to get almost all the assets in a divorce as they’re not normally the ones, who stop working, find work to fit around the family or go part time.

I’ve never been through a divorce. A family member is. They’re 50/50 with the child. The mum only worked for 6 months of the relationship, they married after a few years and had children a long time later. The mum, despite putting zero financially into the marriage, is going to walk away with half the assets, a cool million. And that’s not because she’s mum. The other way round would apply were this the man, who didn’t work.

Now that is the law.

Show quote history

Actually.. I did not think of it the other way around!
I just looked on Google at what happens if I don’t pay my half of the mortgage. To be fair, a few websites said that it can happen in UK law, so I assumed it’s correct

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 10/02/2025 07:49

Of course she can't entirely keep (for now) an asset that you own half of!!

That would be bonkers.

Thankfully that is not 'the law'.

MikeRafone · 10/02/2025 07:49

Jimmy1981 · 10/02/2025 07:24

Not sure how to reply to a post, hopefully this works.
so I need a two bed as I have my kids stay every other weekend. I probably would need to go to a 1bed, but even that is going to be difficult to afford.
To be clear.. you cannot force your ex-partner to sell the home or move out. It’s the law.
It is also a law that the house does get signed over to her if I default my payments on the mortgage, and I will still owe my half. It’s done for situations like this I guess where one person try’s to force the other out.
i would not do this though as my kids live there. It’s annoying, as she could get a new social house easy having two kids.
even if I get a one bed flat or a room to rent, not much of a life for the next 15 years is it…
sorry to sound depressed.. I guess I am.

You need to seek a solicitors advice. The information you’re giving on here is not correct about house ownership and mortgages.

get legal advice on your situation

sorrynotathome · 10/02/2025 07:51

This is one of those bollocks joke threads isn’t it. How tiring.

Loveduppenguin · 10/02/2025 07:52

@Jimmy1981 why are you only having the children every second weekend? Does your wife work? Why do you not want the children 50-50? I am separated and I have the children 50-50 alongside my ex husband. Not saying that this is the way to get out of maintenance, but surely if you’re half the children more you won’t need to pay as much maintenance which should make it more affordable. You need to see a sister and get some good advice. She cannot expect you to keep her in the house and your own house that’s not how it works.

Zusammengebrochen · 10/02/2025 07:54

TouchOfSilverShampoo · 10/02/2025 07:01

@menopausalmare But then where will his kids stay?

In another house which is more affordable?

Original poster
Jimmy1981 · 10/02/2025 07:56

sorrynotathome · 10/02/2025 07:51

This is one of those bollocks joke threads isn’t it. How tiring.

I don’t know why you would think it, I would think my situation is common.

OP posts:
menopausalmare · 10/02/2025 07:56

TouchOfSilverShampoo · 10/02/2025 07:01

@menopausalmare But then where will his kids stay?

They can't stay over, day trips only. If the ex isn't happy, sell the house and release funds to her ex.

endingintiers · 10/02/2025 07:57

And this is why lawyers exist - don’t google something or ask chatGPT, even a forum can give poor advice. Go get specialist advice and work out a financial settlement that is fair to all parties.

TheFormidableMrsC · 10/02/2025 08:01

OP, the things you are quoting as law simply are not. Certainly not in this country. You absolutely can stop paying the mortgage. Your wife will have to take over the payments. This happened to me and I was a non working parent/carer. I had to apply for help with the mortgage interest to be able to stay in the home.

You need legal advice because you're completely wrong about this. Is your wife eligible for UC? As long as you're paying the correct level of child maintenance then that is where your obligation stops.

trailblazer42 · 10/02/2025 08:02

Whilst you are arranging legal advice have a look at these rather than just Googling

www.advicenow.org.uk/get-help/family-and-children/divorce-and-separation

millymollymoomoo · 10/02/2025 08:07

@Willyoujustbequiet thats not how joint and several liability works
each person named on the debt is liable for 100%. So is op doesn’t pay, the ex is evicted to. It’s not 50% each

if course if it’s not paid ultimately it will be possessed.

why can’t you move back in?

and last time- get proper legal advice not from Google !!

orangegato · 10/02/2025 08:07

I’d move back in and be housemates. Why did you have the leave? If she’s the one who can’t afford it on her own she shouldn’t really be calling the shots, if she doesn’t want to be with you she is free to skidaddle.

Pippinsdiary · 10/02/2025 08:09

BettyBardMacDonald · 10/02/2025 07:07

Force the sale of the house.

Why do you need a two bedroom flat?

What a stupid question?

Barrenfieldoffucks · 10/02/2025 08:09

Organisedwannabe · 10/02/2025 07:45

Where do you live that’s easy to get a social house? They waiting list is years in most areas and decades in others.

But yes you need to start divorce.

Show quote history

Agreed. And why would you assume she can and should only get a 'social house'?

AwaitingFreedom · 10/02/2025 08:10

You absolutely can stop paying the mortgage.

That is extremely bad advice and I can't believe you are telling this to someone who doesn't appear to comprehend things very well. If he stops paying the mortgage it will affect him financially with bad credit rating, unable to get a mortgage or loans in the future, even bankruptcy. Why screw his future up even more?

Mummyoflittledragon · 10/02/2025 08:11

Jimmy1981 · 10/02/2025 07:47

Actually.. I did not think of it the other way around!
I just looked on Google at what happens if I don’t pay my half of the mortgage. To be fair, a few websites said that it can happen in UK law, so I assumed it’s correct

Show quote history

Ok so now you get why the logic you’ve been going off of is so flawed! Now to get a decent lawyer to set you up correctly. By this I don’t mean screw your stbex wife either, and do NOT finalise the divorce without a financial settlement.

redphonecase · 10/02/2025 08:12

You can possibly be dim enough to be relying on Google. What does your solicitor say

monty2020 · 10/02/2025 08:13

Force the sale of the house, as long as the new accommodation is adequate the judge will grant this . My ex husband did this and I had three young children but he proved I could purchase a cheaper house suitable for our needs. I hated him at the time but it was best all around as the break was made.