I can’t afford to live…

Jimmy1981 · 2025-02-10T06:54:33+00:00

Hi, just wondering if anyone has been In My situation and can help me.. I have recently separated, everything is amicable. I moved out of the family home, my wife and two children stayed in the home. we have a mortgage on the house they live in. i now have to pay half the mortgage, I also give my ex-wife money weekly, I also have to pay my rent and all my bills. I have a good job, but I’m now over my limit. my landlord has put the rent up quite a bit. Rental prices are crazy now. Over £1000 a month for a two bed flat minimum. my ex-wife won’t sell the house, so I need to pay half the mortgage otherwise the house gets signed over to her and I still owe half the mortgage (crazy rule isn’t it!!). I can’t get financial help as I earn too much. I can’t get a council house as I own a property. I can’t buy a property as have no savings, and if I did want to buy it would be classed as second home so require 20% deposit. i earn good money, but am at the point where I cant afford to live, I’m even toying with the idea of living in a van. I can’t see how to get out of my situation. any help would be appreciated. Thanks

menopausalmare · 10/02/2025 06:58

If you're in a two bed flat, you'll either need to downsize to a one bed or get a lodger. I had two different lodgers and they became good friends.

DustyLee123 · 10/02/2025 06:59

You need to force the sale of the house

2024riot · 10/02/2025 07:01

Why can't you sell the house ?

TouchOfSilverShampoo · 10/02/2025 07:01

@menopausalmare But then where will his kids stay?

trailblazer42 · 10/02/2025 07:03

Where have you got your information from about the house ownership transferring to her if you don’t pay? You don’t have to contribute to the mortgage but obviously if the payments aren’t made then the house is at risk but you’re both liable for this.

The house will have to be sold or she will need to buy you out to divide the equity on a financial settlement…has one/both of you filed for divorce yet? This will need to be part of this process.

In the meantime, make sure you are paying full CMS and talk to your mortgage provider about a payment holiday.

MrBiscuits24 · 10/02/2025 07:06

Legal advice, pronto. The house needs selling.

BettyBardMacDonald · 10/02/2025 07:07

Force the sale of the house.

Why do you need a two bedroom flat?

JimHalpertsWife · 10/02/2025 07:08

BettyBardMacDonald · 10/02/2025 07:07

Force the sale of the house.

Why do you need a two bedroom flat?

So he can have his children to stay.

JimHalpertsWife · 10/02/2025 07:09

How much do you give your wife weekly and is it the same amount that cms would say you should be paying?

grumpyoldeyeore · 10/02/2025 07:11

If your ex can’t take over 100% mortgage payments then you will have to force sale / she will have buy you out. People can also apply to child maintenance service to ask for mortgage payment to be offset against the CM if it’s causing hardship. She can’t expect to get both paid long term if you aren’t a high earner. You could also manage with a 1 bed and sofa beds while the financial situation re house is sorted.

Harrumphhhh · 10/02/2025 07:11

Move back in? Sell the house? Have you had legal advice?

Blue278 · 10/02/2025 07:16

Not enough information. When you say you ‘need to’ and ‘have to’ how has this been determined?
Likely you can’t both get what you think you need. Everyone is poorer after a split and needs to make hard choices. Houses get smaller and stay at home parents may have to start working.
If you’re only separated I assume this is an arrangement you’ve both decided on.

What would CMS say you should pay in total?
What is the house equity?

You need to be able to house yourself and accommodate your children too. What proportion of the time do you have them overnight? Can you do 50:50 and do you want to?

I know most people want to do anything to avoid disrupting the children and selling the family home but you may have no choice.

Usernamesarenoteasy · 10/02/2025 07:21

BettyBardMacDonald · 10/02/2025 07:07

Force the sale of the house.

Why do you need a two bedroom flat?

My children refused to stay with their dad as he chose to buy a one bed flat, despite being able to afford a 2 bed.
The kids need to know they feel wanted!

But back to the OP, who has said you need to pay the mortgage or the house will be transferred to your ex? You really need some proper advice as I don't believe this is true.

Original poster

Jimmy1981 · 10/02/2025 07:24

Not sure how to reply to a post, hopefully this works.
so I need a two bed as I have my kids stay every other weekend. I probably would need to go to a 1bed, but even that is going to be difficult to afford.
To be clear.. you cannot force your ex-partner to sell the home or move out. It’s the law.
It is also a law that the house does get signed over to her if I default my payments on the mortgage, and I will still owe my half. It’s done for situations like this I guess where one person try’s to force the other out.
i would not do this though as my kids live there. It’s annoying, as she could get a new social house easy having two kids.
even if I get a one bed flat or a room to rent, not much of a life for the next 15 years is it…
sorry to sound depressed.. I guess I am.

OP posts:

Lilly11a · 10/02/2025 07:28

Jimmy1981 · 10/02/2025 07:24

Not sure how to reply to a post, hopefully this works.
so I need a two bed as I have my kids stay every other weekend. I probably would need to go to a 1bed, but even that is going to be difficult to afford.
To be clear.. you cannot force your ex-partner to sell the home or move out. It’s the law.
It is also a law that the house does get signed over to her if I default my payments on the mortgage, and I will still owe my half. It’s done for situations like this I guess where one person try’s to force the other out.
i would not do this though as my kids live there. It’s annoying, as she could get a new social house easy having two kids.
even if I get a one bed flat or a room to rent, not much of a life for the next 15 years is it…
sorry to sound depressed.. I guess I am.

Both of those things you are saying are the law just aren't - are these things she is telling you .

MolkosTeenageAngst · 10/02/2025 07:29

Jimmy1981 · 10/02/2025 07:24

Not sure how to reply to a post, hopefully this works.
so I need a two bed as I have my kids stay every other weekend. I probably would need to go to a 1bed, but even that is going to be difficult to afford.
To be clear.. you cannot force your ex-partner to sell the home or move out. It’s the law.
It is also a law that the house does get signed over to her if I default my payments on the mortgage, and I will still owe my half. It’s done for situations like this I guess where one person try’s to force the other out.
i would not do this though as my kids live there. It’s annoying, as she could get a new social house easy having two kids.
even if I get a one bed flat or a room to rent, not much of a life for the next 15 years is it…
sorry to sound depressed.. I guess I am.

Where have you got your legal advice around needing to pay the mortgage from? Are you outside of the UK? I suggest you get a solicitor so you can get proper advice around the ownership if the home and mortgage payments as it’s obviously not sustainable.

Glitterbaby17 · 10/02/2025 07:29

That is not the law if you live in the UK. Lots of lawyers do a free half hour intro consult for divorce - would suggest getting one as they will help you understand options

JimHalpertsWife · 10/02/2025 07:29

To be clear.. you cannot force your ex-partner to sell the home or move out

Divorce. That is how the house gets sorted out.

millymollymoomoo · 10/02/2025 07:30

Where are you op because if it’s England or wales that’s absolute not the law

BettyBardMacDonald · 10/02/2025 07:30

Are you in a different country?

What ages are the kids? Get one of those inflatable beds for when they are with you.

SpringIsSprung25 · 10/02/2025 07:30

Have you had legal advice and started divorce proceedings? Can your wife afford the house herself?

This happened with exh and I. We both wanted to keep the house but couldn’t afford it. We couldn’t agree either. So we went to court and the judge said the house had to be sold and he decided the equity split/pensions etc.

My two small children were with me but we still couldn’t afford the house so no choice.

I think you and your wife need to start looking at selling up and moving on.

I haven’t heard of the ‘law’ you are citing there. My ex didn’t pay a penny on the mortgage but was still entitled to the house proceeds.

Do not live in a van!

Mauro711 · 10/02/2025 07:30

Have you started the divorce proceedings and started working of the financial agreement?

If she is to stay in the house she will either need to buy you out or sell the house if she can't afford to do that. You also need to go through CMS to get the child maintenance decided if you haven't done that already.

I am not sure why you think this is some indefinite solution, that you just have to pay for her now forever because she has the kids more than you. Any judge would want the solution to be a clean break that benefits you both equally so that you both can move on and not be linked financially anymore,

Original poster

Jimmy1981 · 10/02/2025 07:30

Lilly11a · 10/02/2025 07:28

Both of those things you are saying are the law just aren't - are these things she is telling you .

Show quote history

No, these are things I have found on Google. I’ve looked into it quite a lot to see what happens if I can’t afford to uphold my mortgage payments

OP posts:

3LemonsAndLime · 10/02/2025 07:31

To be clear.. you cannot force your ex-partner to sell the home or move out. It’s the law.
It is also a law that the house does get signed over to her if I default my payments on the mortgage, and I will still owe my half

You are wrong. Stop googling and see a solicitor.

millymollymoomoo · 10/02/2025 07:31

You need to stop googling and get correct advice ! And in the meantime move back in to save on your rent