Page 4 | I can’t afford to live…

Jimmy1981 · 2025-02-10T06:54:33+00:00

Hi, just wondering if anyone has been In My situation and can help me.. I have recently separated, everything is amicable. I moved out of the family home, my wife and two children stayed in the home. we have a mortgage on the house they live in. i now have to pay half the mortgage, I also give my ex-wife money weekly, I also have to pay my rent and all my bills. I have a good job, but I’m now over my limit. my landlord has put the rent up quite a bit. Rental prices are crazy now. Over £1000 a month for a two bed flat minimum. my ex-wife won’t sell the house, so I need to pay half the mortgage otherwise the house gets signed over to her and I still owe half the mortgage (crazy rule isn’t it!!). I can’t get financial help as I earn too much. I can’t get a council house as I own a property. I can’t buy a property as have no savings, and if I did want to buy it would be classed as second home so require 20% deposit. i earn good money, but am at the point where I cant afford to live, I’m even toying with the idea of living in a van. I can’t see how to get out of my situation. any help would be appreciated. Thanks

Willyoujustbequiet · 10/02/2025 08:13

millymollymoomoo · 10/02/2025 08:07

@Willyoujustbequiet thats not how joint and several liability works
each person named on the debt is liable for 100%. So is op doesn’t pay, the ex is evicted to. It’s not 50% each

if course if it’s not paid ultimately it will be possessed.

why can’t you move back in?

and last time- get proper legal advice not from Google !!

I know that. I didn't mention 50%. I just meant he's equally liable and tried to put that in layman's terms.

Nodddy · 10/02/2025 08:14

I think the advice you've posted isn't right.

Stop paying anything. Make an appointment with a family solicitor.

She needs a dose of reality and you stopping funding this nonsense is the first step. There may be child maintenance to pay, but unlikely if children are looked after 50-50. So if you can attain that, you won't have to pay that either, because you are paying already by looking after the children.

Have you thought about moving back in to your house? It's your house. Why do you need to take the hit?

pensionsums · 10/02/2025 08:14

I worked in Mortgage debt recovery for over a decade.

You are talking absolute nonsense, which is GOOD news for you.

Firstly, you should have sold the house, split the equity and both bought smaller properties. If you don't pay anything to the mortgage and she only pays half the monthly amount due, then obviously the mortgage will fall in to arrears. The Bank WILL NOT sign over the house to her. It's just not a thing. They will pursue you both for the money, and if they don't get it, they will evict her and force a sale of the house. It's best not to go down this route, as they often sell the house for less than it's real value, as all they need is their capital back.

You need to see a solicitor, because right now you are basing your whole future on a load of old bollocks you've misinterpreted from Google. Don't be so silly and see a professional asap.

Everythingisnumbersnow · 10/02/2025 08:15

Jimmy1981 · 10/02/2025 07:47

Actually.. I did not think of it the other way around!
I just looked on Google at what happens if I don’t pay my half of the mortgage. To be fair, a few websites said that it can happen in UK law, so I assumed it’s correct

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There's no such thing as "UK law" on this, it differs in different parts of the UK.

Igmum · 10/02/2025 08:16

Others are right. That's absolutely not the law. Please get your own legal advice from a solicitor. The first visit is often free.

denhaag · 10/02/2025 08:16

The sale of the house can/will be forced as part of the divorce. It will be part of the financial settlement.
If the divorce is going through your solicitor should have told you this, or you should have asked them (this is their job); it's pretty important.

fatandtrying · 10/02/2025 08:17

my friend was going through this and ended up selling to a housing association! mortgage was wiped, she stayed in the house but now pays low rent to the housing association! and she didn't have to move the kids around

RedHelenB · 10/02/2025 08:17

You legally only have to pay cms if you live in England if after that you can contribute something towards the mortgage it might be for everyone's benefit if you pay it. But you need to come to an agreement with your wife about divorce and the financial split.

DesperatelySeekingDan · 10/02/2025 08:19

Jimmy1981 · 10/02/2025 07:24

Not sure how to reply to a post, hopefully this works.
so I need a two bed as I have my kids stay every other weekend. I probably would need to go to a 1bed, but even that is going to be difficult to afford.
To be clear.. you cannot force your ex-partner to sell the home or move out. It’s the law.
It is also a law that the house does get signed over to her if I default my payments on the mortgage, and I will still owe my half. It’s done for situations like this I guess where one person try’s to force the other out.
i would not do this though as my kids live there. It’s annoying, as she could get a new social house easy having two kids.
even if I get a one bed flat or a room to rent, not much of a life for the next 15 years is it…
sorry to sound depressed.. I guess I am.

Your house is a joint asset.

The starting point in a divorce is a 50-50 split of assets.

You could get 50% of the equity in it and then you'd need to pay her maintenance based on your income.

If you're getting divorced, why is your solicitor not advising you correctly?

Do you even have a solicitor or are you doing a DIY divorce?

SpringIsSprung25 · 10/02/2025 08:19

The divorce is ‘going through’ but you haven’t had any legal advice. Stop now!

Don’t ‘ask’ your wife to sell the house, it’s something that will need to be done in the financial settlement if you/she can’t afford it.

I have every sympathy with her and I have been in the same situation. I started to look at the situation differently i.e. I would downsize and have a fresh start in a new home that I could afford myself.

When I got divorced people told me that I could keep the house till the dc were 18. Not true! Times have changed. My solicitor led me through everything until the house was sold and the divorce finalised.

3WildOnes · 10/02/2025 08:19

Do not stop paying the mortgage. Speak to CMS so that the amount you are paying on the mortgage is taken into consideration in your child support payments.

Most importantly speak to a lawyer and get a financial settlement. If your wife can't afford the mortgage and can't afford to buy you out then a judge will force the sale of the house. A judge would take a very dim view of you stopping paying the mortgage so do not do this!! It would also ruin your credit rating and may mean that you are unable to rent or buy for a long time.

TheFormidableMrsC · 10/02/2025 08:20

3WildOnes · 10/02/2025 08:19

Do not stop paying the mortgage. Speak to CMS so that the amount you are paying on the mortgage is taken into consideration in your child support payments.

Most importantly speak to a lawyer and get a financial settlement. If your wife can't afford the mortgage and can't afford to buy you out then a judge will force the sale of the house. A judge would take a very dim view of you stopping paying the mortgage so do not do this!! It would also ruin your credit rating and may mean that you are unable to rent or buy for a long time.

That's not correct either. The CMS do not take any expenses into account other than you having a child in your household. It's a set percentage of income.

JimHalpertsWife · 10/02/2025 08:20

Why are you only having the dc every other weekend? Why not 50/50? Then no weekly money will be due to your ex.

DesperatelySeekingDan · 10/02/2025 08:21

The divorce is ‘going through’ but you haven’t had any legal advice. Stop now!

Precisely.
It doesn't make sense.

Maybe @Jimmy1981 means they are talking of divorce.
But he's not seen a solicitor yet.

Heronwatcher · 10/02/2025 08:22

Go and see a solicitor, asap.

If she can’t buy you out you sell the house and split the equity. She might get a slightly bigger share if she’s got the kids more. But you could negotiate a situation where you have a bigger house and a smaller flat and then the kids stay where they are but with a parent changing between the two.

If you’re paying spousal maintenance you need to check that out as you may not have to legally. You’ll obviously have to pay proper maintenance for the kids but normally your ex will be expected to work.

Doggymummar · 10/02/2025 08:23

Jimmy1981 · 10/02/2025 07:24

Not sure how to reply to a post, hopefully this works.
so I need a two bed as I have my kids stay every other weekend. I probably would need to go to a 1bed, but even that is going to be difficult to afford.
To be clear.. you cannot force your ex-partner to sell the home or move out. It’s the law.
It is also a law that the house does get signed over to her if I default my payments on the mortgage, and I will still owe my half. It’s done for situations like this I guess where one person try’s to force the other out.
i would not do this though as my kids live there. It’s annoying, as she could get a new social house easy having two kids.
even if I get a one bed flat or a room to rent, not much of a life for the next 15 years is it…
sorry to sound depressed.. I guess I am.

That's simply not true, assuming you are in England. I had to force the sale of the house and we had to live together till it was sold as it was a joint mortgage. Move back in.

YourAzureEagle · 10/02/2025 08:24

Jimmy1981 · 10/02/2025 07:39

Yes, the divorce is going through now.
no she would not be able to afford the house or buy me out.
i’m going to have to try and ask her to sell again.
no I won’t live in a van.. I was just having a moment… although, some vans are quite nice! 😂
to be clear, she is not being difficult. Maybe she is just in a bubble and not realise my situation fully

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You can, and should absolutely force the sale, you don't have to ask nicely. Fellow man here who has been fleeced by an ex., you seem like a good chap wanting to do the right thing, I applaud that, but that's what I did and got stung.

You will get 50% and she will get 50% of the equity in the house after the mortgage is repaid on sale, that's right and fair. This may end up with you both renting, so be it.

It really sounds to me (and I've been here) that she is taking advantage of you, she is expecting you to keep her in the same standard of living that she was accustomed to at your expense and detriment, she just doesn't want you around any more - and using your DC as bargaining chips.

All the best mate, see a good solicitor and make sure you get your share of the pie.

Tiswa · 10/02/2025 08:24

I think you need mediation - I suspect sadly this isn’t going to be easy as there just isn’t enough money to go around but a starting point of legal advice and mediation to properly look at assets what is needed to afford to house both of you and the children

3WildOnes · 10/02/2025 08:25

TheFormidableMrsC · 10/02/2025 08:20

That's not correct either. The CMS do not take any expenses into account other than you having a child in your household. It's a set percentage of income.

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I thought that you could apply for a variation in your CMS payments if you are paying for half of the mortgage?

PoltergeistsStartLowKey · 10/02/2025 08:27

Jimmy1981 · 10/02/2025 07:30

No, these are things I have found on Google. I’ve looked into it quite a lot to see what happens if I can’t afford to uphold my mortgage payments

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Google - seriously. Get a lawyer pronto.

SpringIsSprung25 · 10/02/2025 08:27

To be fair, most people haven’t been through a divorce before and they want to keep things amicable but I didn’t have a clue until it happened to me.

My exh tried to divorce without solicitors and I couldn’t make sense of what he was proposing. When I got legal advice he was angry but my solicitor told me to follow what she said. We had a messy divorce which cost thousands but ex was awkward.

I did accept early on that we needed to sell the house as the numbers did not work otherwise. Sorry for your wife but she needs legal advice too.

RedHelenB · 10/02/2025 08:28

JimHalpertsWife · 10/02/2025 08:20

Why are you only having the dc every other weekend? Why not 50/50? Then no weekly money will be due to your ex.

That's not a good reason for 50/50.

Moonlightstars · 10/02/2025 08:29

redphonecase · 10/02/2025 08:12

You can possibly be dim enough to be relying on Google. What does your solicitor say

No need to be a twat about it.

JimHalpertsWife · 10/02/2025 08:29

RedHelenB · 10/02/2025 08:28

That's not a good reason for 50/50.

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I didn't suggest it was. I wondered why he isn't doing 50/50. As an aside, if he is doing half the childcare then CMS wouldn't be due.

BremeCrulee · 10/02/2025 08:37

RedHelenB · 10/02/2025 08:28

That's not a good reason for 50/50.

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OP can't afford to pay his current mortgage, his current flat, weekly money to his ex and to live.

Of course it's a good reason!

Perhaps not the number 1 reason (because obviously that's spending more quality time with DC) but it is absolutely a vald reason in OP situation.