Page 5 | Why are there so many women over 50 who are single?

Frazzled54 · 2024-12-31T13:56:24+00:00

I was thinking the other night about the amount of women in their 50’s who are single. I know of at least 10! (including myself) I wonder if this is because menopause has made them realise they are happier alone so they don't make the concerted effort to meet someone? Or is is because men in their 50’s prefer younger women? Just pondering really… 🤔

chimichangaz · 01/01/2025 08:06

I had a LTR in late teens where he was unfaithful (on holiday with me). I then met someone through work who started off well, we married and had a son and he turned out to be a lazy arse, selfish bastard who only cared about himself. He also was shit with money and I had to help pay off his (secret) credit card debt twice. We divorced when I was mid forties, I’m now late fifties. Being a single mum with a pre teen and then teen was tough but my god the freedom was (and still is) incredible.

my DS is now 23 and has moved out, I am financially secure and love my own space and freedom. Had a couple of dates earlier this year which proved to me that relationships with men are more trouble than they are worth. I holiday solo, go to gigs with friends or my friend’s music mad hubbie (my gig husband), am fiercely independent and do my own thing when and how I want to.

Sometimes I feel I’d like someone to share good times with but that could be a good friend and not a man. All of my friends are coupled up, so I do tend to do stuff on my own.

If (big if) I was to meet someone special I would definitely not give up my own home or financial freedom. The only downside to being single is having to cover all costs on your own but I would one million percent rather do that than share finances again.

Fluffycloudsfloatinginthesky · 01/01/2025 08:09

I'm early fugitives and divorced 6 years ish ago. Two kids 17/13

I'm perfectly happy doing stuff on my own
Having had a husband who didn't pull his weight financially or around the house I cannot be bothered with more of the same
I earn reasonably well so whilst would obviously always be nice to have more household money I don't 'need' to do it for that reason.
After managing to keep house after divorce I wouldn't want to be out in a position to risk that if it didn't work out

TheLurpackYears · 01/01/2025 08:20

nodramaplz · 31/12/2024 18:13

Because they all came in to Mumsnet for advice after their husband bought bad Christmas presents & the advice they were given was to leave him!

Now they are all single 🤷‍♀️

Maybe we could arrange a MN exchange programme, matching the unwanted gift (plus husband) to women who would actually have liked to recieve a sheep shaped toilet roll holder or a ticket to go and see the husbands favourite band.
Divorce rates might plummet!

MightyGoldBear · 01/01/2025 08:21

Not sure if the graph will show up. But it's pretty evident most men don't mature and evolve the same way women do. Regardless of their age they are looking at women in their twenties as attractive. Women want around the same age as them. We value different things.

It's a pretty pathetic time for men when they are competing with nothing essentially. They aren't adding value. Women would rather stay single than have a male partner because it adds no value to their life. Infact it devalues their lifestyle.

Why are there so many women over 50 who are single?

TheLurpackYears · 01/01/2025 08:25

My 50s are fast approaching , my dc aren't yet in their teens. I have absolutely free time to have a relationship of any kind. I need to work work work. On the scant occasions their dad is free and they will actually go to his house I have to be earning enough money to keep us above water.

ShouldIEvenBother · 01/01/2025 08:31

@MightyGoldBear they are so unrealistic and delusional 😂

I'm still in my 40's, but agree with the comments here and feel the same. I look back at my time on this earth as an adult so far and my biggest regret is all the time cumulatively spent married, dating, in situationships, in relationships, swiping left, swiping right, chatting with men on apps... And I have nothing to show for it other than a whole heap of wasted time and so many tears, so much sadness and anxiety.

There's just no way I could stomach compounding this by continuing to date. If I could turn back the clock and have a re-do, all that wasted time would have been spent in so many other, more productive ways to bring joy, laughter, new skills, knowledge... Honestly it's just such a huge regret and something I've had to really think about in order to move forwards.

Time is just too precious. This is what it comes down to for me.

BilboBlaggin · 01/01/2025 08:37

I'm 61 and recently widowed, but I most certainly won't be looking for another partner. I've had my fill of selfishness, mess, financial and emotional abuse. I know not all men are like this, but I just want to be on my own to do what I want, when I want. I'm happy to just have friends without the commitments.

Didsomeonesaydogs · 01/01/2025 08:50

Octavia64 · 01/01/2025 01:56

I'm late forties.

Got divorced a couple of years ago.

My kids are off at uni/starting out in the world.

I live alone and after 22 years of supporting my family and cooking dinner and cleaning as well as working now I do what the fuck I want when the fuck I want it.

I'm financially independent. I use a vibrator when needed.

I'm not interested in a relationship. Far too much effort for basically no returns.

Couldn't agree more with this comment.

Men have nothing to offer that I can’t pay a handyman for.

Didsomeonesaydogs · 01/01/2025 08:53

MightyGoldBear · 01/01/2025 08:21

Not sure if the graph will show up. But it's pretty evident most men don't mature and evolve the same way women do. Regardless of their age they are looking at women in their twenties as attractive. Women want around the same age as them. We value different things.

It's a pretty pathetic time for men when they are competing with nothing essentially. They aren't adding value. Women would rather stay single than have a male partner because it adds no value to their life. Infact it devalues their lifestyle.

Ew - where’s the vomit react when you need it?

CM97 · 01/01/2025 08:57

JimHalpertsWife · 31/12/2024 14:00

Less patience for putting up with the general crap that comes with single men their age?

Ability to fund their own individual life means they don't need a second wage.

Enjoyment found in friends, pets, solitude first. Appreciation that the kid/husband management part of their life is over.

Not old enough to be of the generation where being married should be a woman's primary aim at all cost.

Completely agree... that part of my life is over. It's sad but only in the way it's sad that my kids have grown up and left home. Life is different but doesn't mean it's not good.

MightyGoldBear · 01/01/2025 09:00

ShouldIEvenBother · 01/01/2025 08:31

@MightyGoldBear they are so unrealistic and delusional 😂

I'm still in my 40's, but agree with the comments here and feel the same. I look back at my time on this earth as an adult so far and my biggest regret is all the time cumulatively spent married, dating, in situationships, in relationships, swiping left, swiping right, chatting with men on apps... And I have nothing to show for it other than a whole heap of wasted time and so many tears, so much sadness and anxiety.

There's just no way I could stomach compounding this by continuing to date. If I could turn back the clock and have a re-do, all that wasted time would have been spent in so many other, more productive ways to bring joy, laughter, new skills, knowledge... Honestly it's just such a huge regret and something I've had to really think about in order to move forwards.

Time is just too precious. This is what it comes down to for me.

It would be this for me. The time in pursuit of a worthwhile relationship with another man. I could spend the rest of my life searching for something I might never find. Whilst meeting a bunch of wronguns along the way I'm sure.

I'd much rather spend that time and energy on hobbies,friends, travelling.... the list goes on.

Justleaveitblankthen · 01/01/2025 10:09

PokerFriedDips · 31/12/2024 16:45

I think ones ability to tolerate cocklodgers, arseholes and waste-of-space losers decreases sharply, and ones ability to recognise that the bloke one previously thought oneself in love with is in fact a cocklodger/arsehole/waste-of-space loser increases sharply, around ones late 40s.

Brilliant and so succinctly put.
100% this in a nutshell.

User135644 · 01/01/2025 10:11

hattie43 · 01/01/2025 04:18

I also think that if you haven't got a man before he's 50 they are just too curmudgeonly to be partnership material . Unlike women they have generally gone to seed and don't look that young anymore nor appear that interested in life . There are obviously exceptions but hard to find plus I think large numbers of us don't want a man again . We're having too much fun .

Always reminds me of the Royle Family. Barbara and Jim both 50 somethings in the original series. Barbara is lovely and runs the house. Jim has retired to his chair and never goes anywhere but the pub.

GoingOffScript · 01/01/2025 14:12

@Frazzled54 Thanks so much for starting this thread. Rarely do I read every post but I have done with this topic. It gives me reassurance to read of others who’ve come through divorce (mostly) and not “go there” again. I HAD to divorce my Ex. For a number of years I missed him terribly but now, I only miss what it could/should have been. No one else involved. Now, I do what I want. My self esteem has been dragged from the depths because lo and behold, people like me, invite me to stuff, find me interesting and pretty good company. Who knew!!! I’d gone years being ignored and being asked to sign spreadsheets agreeing to “go away” with whatever he deemed acceptable. He’d often write to me outlining how “not worth it” I was, how he looked at me and saw a huge compromise in his life because he stayed with me. He’d write the pros and cons of divorcing and then leave me for days on end to think about how best to rescue the relationship. No one will EVER do that to me again.

I now have a nice part time job, have genuine friends, have been abroad with friends old and new and we’re planning Istanbul this year. I like me again! I don’t think anyone tolerates me anymore. My home is cosy, calm and peaceful. I’ve good neighbours and best of all, my faithful old golden retriever! I wish wholeheartedly that my Ex had valued me half as much as I loved him.

I’m a pretty good person to know, it turns out!

HAPPY NEW YEAR ALL!

PeachyKeane · 01/01/2025 14:16

GoingOffScript · 01/01/2025 14:12

@Frazzled54 Thanks so much for starting this thread. Rarely do I read every post but I have done with this topic. It gives me reassurance to read of others who’ve come through divorce (mostly) and not “go there” again. I HAD to divorce my Ex. For a number of years I missed him terribly but now, I only miss what it could/should have been. No one else involved. Now, I do what I want. My self esteem has been dragged from the depths because lo and behold, people like me, invite me to stuff, find me interesting and pretty good company. Who knew!!! I’d gone years being ignored and being asked to sign spreadsheets agreeing to “go away” with whatever he deemed acceptable. He’d often write to me outlining how “not worth it” I was, how he looked at me and saw a huge compromise in his life because he stayed with me. He’d write the pros and cons of divorcing and then leave me for days on end to think about how best to rescue the relationship. No one will EVER do that to me again.

I now have a nice part time job, have genuine friends, have been abroad with friends old and new and we’re planning Istanbul this year. I like me again! I don’t think anyone tolerates me anymore. My home is cosy, calm and peaceful. I’ve good neighbours and best of all, my faithful old golden retriever! I wish wholeheartedly that my Ex had valued me half as much as I loved him.

I’m a pretty good person to know, it turns out!

HAPPY NEW YEAR ALL!

Wonderful 💕💓💪

Happy New Year to all the fabulous strong interesting women on this thread.

Absolute pleasure to read.

Original poster

Frazzled54 · 01/01/2025 14:37

I’m so glad I started the thread. I’ve read all the comments and feel like it’s given me the shake I needed for 2025.
I often say to my female friends that if I could live on some kind of a commune where we all had our own living space but with some sort of communal area for meeting/eating/socialising, I would feel fully content.
I think it’s the loneliness that hits sometimes x

OP posts:

SugarPlumpFairyCakes · 01/01/2025 14:40

GoingOffScript · 01/01/2025 14:12

@Frazzled54 Thanks so much for starting this thread. Rarely do I read every post but I have done with this topic. It gives me reassurance to read of others who’ve come through divorce (mostly) and not “go there” again. I HAD to divorce my Ex. For a number of years I missed him terribly but now, I only miss what it could/should have been. No one else involved. Now, I do what I want. My self esteem has been dragged from the depths because lo and behold, people like me, invite me to stuff, find me interesting and pretty good company. Who knew!!! I’d gone years being ignored and being asked to sign spreadsheets agreeing to “go away” with whatever he deemed acceptable. He’d often write to me outlining how “not worth it” I was, how he looked at me and saw a huge compromise in his life because he stayed with me. He’d write the pros and cons of divorcing and then leave me for days on end to think about how best to rescue the relationship. No one will EVER do that to me again.

I now have a nice part time job, have genuine friends, have been abroad with friends old and new and we’re planning Istanbul this year. I like me again! I don’t think anyone tolerates me anymore. My home is cosy, calm and peaceful. I’ve good neighbours and best of all, my faithful old golden retriever! I wish wholeheartedly that my Ex had valued me half as much as I loved him.

I’m a pretty good person to know, it turns out!

HAPPY NEW YEAR ALL!

My god. The cruelty of this man.

Frazzled, I'm certain you're amazing company. Thank goodness you are free.

GoingOffScript · 01/01/2025 14:46

SugarPlumpFairyCakes · 01/01/2025 14:40

My god. The cruelty of this man.

Frazzled, I'm certain you're amazing company. Thank goodness you are free.

Show quote history

I’m not Frazzled… though I MAY have been at times in the past four years! I’m “GoingOffScript” 😊

Even now, I cannot say he was cruel. He could be absolutely wonderful but he was unable to self regulate his emotions and dealt with every difficult situation in the marriage with “I want a divorce”. He eventually got the divorce he threatened me with.

GoingOffScript · 01/01/2025 14:47

Frazzled54 · 01/01/2025 14:37

I’m so glad I started the thread. I’ve read all the comments and feel like it’s given me the shake I needed for 2025.
I often say to my female friends that if I could live on some kind of a commune where we all had our own living space but with some sort of communal area for meeting/eating/socialising, I would feel fully content.
I think it’s the loneliness that hits sometimes x

I think this ALL THE TIME!! The commune bit.

sunflowersngunpowdr · 01/01/2025 15:38

StormingNorman · 31/12/2024 17:35

Because eligible single men over 50 are slim pickings. And the few that are available are chasing 25 year olds.

Having seen my mum dating in her 50s, 60s and now 70s, my observation is you have to drop your standards for every decade. Until the wives start dying and then the dating pool starts to look a bit better.

Edited

lol that's a good comment

unclemtty · 01/01/2025 21:05

I'm not quite in my 50's, but will be in a few years.
I have done the marriage/mortgage.
Now single for several years. I've had a very nice FWB for most of years.

As nice as he is to have around occasionally, the thought of living with/trying to build a life together makes my blood run cold (he's half-heartedly suggested it).

He definitely wants all the benefits of a relationship but none of the cooperation.

Has an enormous but incredibly fragile ego.
I hate his sense of 'style' & taste, I admit I'm a snob, but when I put my foot down and insist on a decent restaurant etc he loves it.
I just haven't got the time & energy to put into a project, I've got a young child, my own career, friends/family & creative pursuits which I find much more inspiring if I'm honest. As he is (he couldn't change even if he wanted to, and nor should he) living together would be a step backwards in terms of the quality of my life, my peace & solo time with my child who I adore (2 years old).

A double wage/pension would be incredible, especially in the childcare years, but we'd never agree how to pool our money & I wouldn't want to buy a much bigger house I couldn't afford solo in case it went tits up.

I know women get criticised for being very fussy/too picky, but in my case (& many cases) my life would be worse getting into a relationship with a mediocre man.

unclemtty · 01/01/2025 21:07

nodramaplz · 31/12/2024 18:13

Because they all came in to Mumsnet for advice after their husband bought bad Christmas presents & the advice they were given was to leave him!

Now they are all single 🤷‍♀️

I've solved that. No racking my brains for 6 months trying to buy my now exh a thoughtful present, then having to send him the link to something I want because he'd otherwise cock it up.

Cut out the middle man and just buy myself my own lovely gift

niuwyoosername · 01/01/2025 22:14

@Frazzled54 when you start the commune I'm in. I've said this for a while. All these clever, motivated, interesting, practical women- let's buy a plot and build a community!

GoingOffScript · 01/01/2025 22:48

niuwyoosername · 01/01/2025 22:14

@Frazzled54 when you start the commune I'm in. I've said this for a while. All these clever, motivated, interesting, practical women- let's buy a plot and build a community!

Can I join?

MancMa · 01/01/2025 23:19

Great to read this tonight as I look to the year ahead.