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Divorce/separation

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Original poster

Why are there so many women over 50 who are single?

187 replies

Frazzled54 · 31/12/2024 13:56

I was thinking the other night about the amount of women in their 50’s who are single.
I know of at least 10! (including myself)
I wonder if this is because menopause has made them realise they are happier alone so they don't make the concerted effort to meet someone? Or is is because men in their 50’s prefer younger women?
Just pondering really… 🤔

OP posts:
Loudjay · 31/12/2024 16:38

I am married but if were to split I would stay single. Most men I meet although friendly , seem to have a hidden agenda . It feels like when you enter your fifties you cannot be fooled anymore and living in peace is pricess.

mathanxiety · 31/12/2024 16:42

It's a very simple cost/ benefit analysis.

PokerFriedDips · 31/12/2024 16:45

I think ones ability to tolerate cocklodgers, arseholes and waste-of-space losers decreases sharply, and ones ability to recognise that the bloke one previously thought oneself in love with is in fact a cocklodger/arsehole/waste-of-space loser increases sharply, around ones late 40s.

Sasskitty · 31/12/2024 16:46

Mrswhatsit40 · 31/12/2024 14:10

Because men will settle for someone pretty quickly so long as there’s a pulse whereas women will stay single unless they meet the right person?

I think men find it much harder to be single. All the couples I know who’ve divorced the men have either had affairs or moved on straight away - the women have stayed single and are content to stay that way.

I think the phrase “Merry Widow” covers it!

‘So long as there’s a pulse’ 😂😂

True.. true..

mitogoshigg · 31/12/2024 16:48

Because men in their 40's seem to think they are Adonis's and chase after 30 somethings? I wasn't interested 65+ year olds who all seemed to think i would be (I was 45) Met dh and all is great but the pool wasn't hugeGrin

annonymousse · 31/12/2024 16:49

I'm 60 and happily married (second time) but if anything happens to DH I will not be wanting a new man in my life. I am happy with my own company and do not want to share my space with anyone else or be expected to pander to the delicate ego and demands of another man who thinks my purpose is to look after his creature comforts.

Ponderingwindow · 31/12/2024 16:52

A fair number of couples split as soon as the youngest hits 18. For the couples I have witnessed, it’s always the men who have been the instigators. They stuck around “for the kids” and then left as soon as there were no longer children to raise.

This is all anecdotal, but all of those men were pretty universally selfish idiots. I couldn’t be privy to what was going on within the marriage, only what happened as it split. They all seemed to be men who wanted to see themselves as carefree and thought divorce would solve their problems.

Makelikeatreeandleaf · 31/12/2024 16:56

Happily single for 15 years and no interest in changing that. I don't need companionship, don't want to be looked after or look after someone else and cannot be arsed with compromising on anything. My life is good and a man would not enhance it in anyway.

FinallyMovingHouse · 31/12/2024 17:00

I've been married for coming up 30 years, and can honestly say that if my DH was not around, I wouldn't try for another relationship. My Dsis is divorced and happily single, although she'd like a bit of companionship every now and again. What she doesn't want though is to be somebody's replacement cleaner/cook/maid and nurse.

Tryingtokeepgoing · 31/12/2024 17:10

I am over 50 and single because my husband died too young. But, I am still nearer 50 than 60 and don’t really want to be single for what could be the next 30 or 40 years. It’s nice having someone to do things with; it’s even nicer having someone to do nothing with. For me at least. 6 years ago, after my husband died, I would have said I’ll never want anyone else. Time changes a lot of things…but I still miss him more than anything.

Meadowfinch · 31/12/2024 17:17

I'm single through choice.

I ended my last relationship when he asked me to chose between him and my 9yo ds (not difficult). Before that I left ds' dad because he acted like 1950s man and made my life a misery.

Since then, I've given men a miss because I have my son, my career, my house, my friends, my hobbies. My finances are under control. I'm busy, I'm having a good time. Men are just too difficult.

I miss intimacy so maybe I'll try again after ds goes to university (2 years).

Almostwelsh · 31/12/2024 17:22

In my experience those married women who say if something happened to their husband, they'd stay single don't know the reality of that.

I'm single. It's a very lonely place. I have friends, but sometimes you don't want to be out with friends, you want someone to be at home with. And some things you can't expect friends to help you with.

I'm over 50 and I'm not single by choice, I'm single because I haven't met anyone and it's very difficult to do so later in life. And after menopause I have much less confidence in the intimate side of things, (even with HRT) so I'm much less likely to instigate anything.

Lots of menopausal women can't have, or don't enjoy penetrative sex any more and trying to negotiate that with a new man is daunting - he will likely want it and if you can't or won't want it yourself, then it's not going to work as a relationship.

Sickofcheese · 31/12/2024 17:29

I’ve been resolutely single for about 7 or 8 years with absolutely no interest in that changing. I’m now 53 and have started considering another relationship recently. Not met anyone, it’s just a vague fancy. I don’t think I could live with anyone though, and he’d have to bugger off at a moments notice when I got sick of him 😝

ginasevern · 31/12/2024 17:29

Because it's easier than it has ever been for men to have affairs (internet, phones etc) and they usually look for a younger model. Also, women don't rush to partner up again. The statistics about widows and widowers for example are interesting. Many widowers couple up again before their deceased wife is barely cold, whereas widows often wait years - if they bother at all. Men want to be looked after and have their egos massaged and they need a partner to do that. Women not so much.

Whoyoutakingto · 31/12/2024 17:32

I haven’t had a relationship in 20 years apart from a brief few months with an old flame probably 17years ago. Having four kids I saw others who had relationships that negatively affected their kids so opted out. Now I am nearly 60 my youngest is 21 and I still don’t want to meet anyone I am definitely one of the happiest people I know. I can’t imagine being able to tolerate anyone now. Reading post on here constantly confirms it too🤣

StormingNorman · 31/12/2024 17:35

Because eligible single men over 50 are slim pickings. And the few that are available are chasing 25 year olds.

Having seen my mum dating in her 50s, 60s and now 70s, my observation is you have to drop your standards for every decade. Until the wives start dying and then the dating pool starts to look a bit better.

StormingNorman · 31/12/2024 17:37

ginasevern · 31/12/2024 17:29

Because it's easier than it has ever been for men to have affairs (internet, phones etc) and they usually look for a younger model. Also, women don't rush to partner up again. The statistics about widows and widowers for example are interesting. Many widowers couple up again before their deceased wife is barely cold, whereas widows often wait years - if they bother at all. Men want to be looked after and have their egos massaged and they need a partner to do that. Women not so much.

Our neighbour was married over 40 years. It took him less than a year to marry again after his wife died.

Mumofacertainage · 31/12/2024 17:41

After two bad marriages and hard slog, now single and retired. Excellent boomer pension, large inheritance family and dgc close by, nice mortgage free home.
Busy social life, lots of friends and family, time and cash for travel.
Buy what I want, when I want, live life as I choose dress well and regular theatre and meals out. Live in a lovely friendly village with good amenities.
After years of work ruling my life, putting children, husbands needs first. Finally time for me. Good genes on both sides, so hoping for a nice long retirement.
Why on earth would I want to even think about another relationship and put what I have at risk? There are many women in the same situation.
The only downside is the fools who think I am pining for a fat bald miserable old geezer to wait on ha ha ha

unsync · 31/12/2024 17:41

Just can't be arsed with any of it. I cannot see any situation where a man would enhance my life. Happy for people to offer suggestions. If I want companionship, I'd rather have a dog.

pinkroses79 · 31/12/2024 17:43

That would be me. I haven't met anyone I want to be with since separating, and I'm not sure I can imagine living with someone again, except my children. Perhaps if I met the right person it would be different, but I'm very fussy and I'm not looking!

ThewrathofBethDutton · 31/12/2024 17:52

Vinvertebrate · 31/12/2024 14:14

As soon as I hit peri-menopause, my tolerance of men dropped like a stone and my rage at most of the shit they do (or don’t bother to do) increased exponentially. Not sure how common that experience is, but might explain it!

This.
100 fucking percent this!

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 31/12/2024 17:53

Frazzled54 · 31/12/2024 13:56

I was thinking the other night about the amount of women in their 50’s who are single.
I know of at least 10! (including myself)
I wonder if this is because menopause has made them realise they are happier alone so they don't make the concerted effort to meet someone? Or is is because men in their 50’s prefer younger women?
Just pondering really… 🤔

I think a bit of both

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 31/12/2024 17:54

It's so annoying (I'm late 30s) when men who are 50+ on dating apps as under 50 so they'll show up in my age's search range and then write 'I'm actually 56- don't know how to change it!' - of course you do you liar just stick to women your own age or women who want a much older man.

RosieBurdock · 31/12/2024 18:01

I was widowed when we were both 47 and dds were 11 and 13. He was a good man and I'd love to have grown old together, but I just don't find the idea of dating someone new appealing.

LifeInAHamsterWheel · 31/12/2024 18:04

Yes I think it's a bit of both. I'm very happily married but I am certain that if I end up widowed or divorced I absolutely will not live with another man. I'm in my 50s and I too know women who are happily living alone (some are in relationships but not cohabiting) and they are all very content.