Why are there so many women over 50 who are single?

[Frazzled54]

I was thinking the other night about the amount of women in their 50’s who are single.
I know of at least 10! (including myself)
I wonder if this is because menopause has made them realise they are happier alone so they don't make the concerted effort to meet someone? Or is is because men in their 50’s prefer younger women?
Just pondering really… 🤔

I'm sorry to hear that!

I'm kind of the same. Never been married, no kids and not many relationships and at this point in my life, I don't know if I want to or if it's that appealing

Unless they can add value to my life, I think I'll just stay as I am.

Loss of sex drive too. I mean who wants a 60 odd year old bloke bouncing up and down on them when they could be watching Netflix and drinking wine instead.

After a lot of pressure in my early 40s to date I did and ended up with a complicated and difficult relationship which left me broken and traumatised.
Now, my bar is set very high and I don't expect anyone is going to clear it. I've got money of my own, friends and family and am not going to comprise on what I want.
If that means I stay single, that's fine:

I completely lost my libido after the menopause, and really can't be bothered. I don't find many men my own age v attractive. Went on a few dates with men who just hadn't taken care of themselves and had v bad health problems. And internet dating at this age is horrendous and never meet any eligible men my own age.

I'd just like someone, male or female, to go to music gigs/festivals and on holiday with!

If I was to divorce / somehow be without DH…
The last thing I’d do is shack up with a bloke!

Speaking for myself, I'm single because at 50 and menopausal I can't have / don't want any more kids and have no sex drive. I'm also solvent and financially okay, so can't see the point of having a dickhead in my life ever again. Happy new year!

I love this

Men are kind of ... uneccesssary.

Unless they're a brilliant best friend, a deep love and friend is there with support.

If not, I don't see the point.
Relationships are too complex in today's modern world.

I'm 49 and happily single. I have a 7yr old though, so most women who are 50+ are grandmothers and their kids have their own lives now, so it's a tough sell.

From the my perspective... Women seem to grow more independent the closer they get to retirement where men grow bitter, bitch about immigrants, pensions and often look to a younger model or expect their wives to look after them.

The other problem I have is I've always fancied older women, but now I'm the age of the women I fancied 😂

Not all 50 somethings are arses but everyone has baggage, if only they could leave it at the door 🤷🤦

My theory, and I could just be talking total shit, is that a high percentage of divorced men of a certain age have been divorced for a reason. Usually due to intolerable behaviour of some sort or an affair. So really they come with baggage many older women have no desire to take on (again).

My view: men essentially dislike women and women dislike men. It's visible by 5 or 6 in the playground.

The only thing that brings them together is a) sex/ reproduction (which for women is more or less over by 50) and b) dependence on someone else to do daily chores / servile work in the house. Lots of 50+ men want a woman to do the chores and cooking; not many are offering to do it. Women lose interest in an and, while doing so, realize that b was always an utterly shit deal.

I understand. I prefer being married as well.

Because men of the same age are also single and also prefer to stay that way?

I think at some point in life post 1st/2nd divorce a partnership seems like too much effort unless it’s a really good match.

Also at an older age they can afford to, assets etc.

I'm late forties.

Got divorced a couple of years ago.

My kids are off at uni/starting out in the world.

I live alone and after 22 years of supporting my family and cooking dinner and cleaning as well as working now I do what the fuck I want when the fuck I want it.

I'm financially independent. I use a vibrator when needed.

I'm not interested in a relationship. Far too much effort for basically no returns.

I think mental peace is far too precious to give up for anyone.

It's better to be single and not let the dramas interfere in your life.

Enjoy all your pursuits. Knitting, cycling, navel gazing - whatever. Just don't let anyone mess with your personal calm with their ridiculous mind games and dramas. Such a waste of time and ultimately very boring.

Yep!

I don't have to put up with any of that crap! I like being single and having my own space and my own life. Bliss!

I think I would stay single. My MIL remarried in her early 60s and he is gross. He was divorced, he likes to control, he wants his meals on the table. He even smells putrid. Men that age just aren't that attractive.

I would be the same as the posters who say they wouldn’t bother if they split from their DH. I have siblings who are single and do whatever they want. My mum has been married to my dad for decades and she has been unhappy most of it. My MIL is with a partner that she has endless problems with. I find being in a relationship hard work and would never go into one again! Being single looks very appealing.

I went out for dinner yesterday with 8 friends . We are all over 50, single following divorce / bereavement and are all living our best lives . There is a maturity and self confidence in getting older and knowing what you want from a relationship together with a self worth not putting up with unhappy partnerships . We all have money to do exactly what we want and all of us have about 3 holidays booked this coming year and all have busy social lives .
There are many social groups for this age group and there is a whole army of women out there like us .

The women I know who are single in their fifties
3 never had a LTR that was successful.
4 chose divorce, 3 are fine with it but one is lonely and looking for a wonderful love.
1 had a mutually agreed split
4 had husbands leave them for younger women.

So 4 are fine with it and 8 are not fine with it.

I wouldn’t bother because I have had a great love and no one could match him. I do like company though so would take lodgers, probably international students. I worked in HE for many years and used to have students over for dinner who were delighted to visit an English home.

I also think that if you haven't got a man before he's 50 they are just too curmudgeonly to be partnership material . Unlike women they have generally gone to seed and don't look that young anymore nor appear that interested in life . There are obviously exceptions but hard to find plus I think large numbers of us don't want a man again . We're having too much fun .

Have you MET single men over 50? Ew! If they’re single, there’s a very, very good reason. None of them are normal.

They’re needy AF. (And also controlling)
They’re cocklodgers. (Also controlling)
They’re abusive - (And have a bajillion kids they don’t support and resentful exes.)
They have health problems that they do nothing about, but they’re frightened and want a “mummy” to look after them.
They think they’re a sexy 19 year old and think they’re “relevant” and “Hip with the Yoof” - also chasing young women of that vintage and frequently embarrassing themselves.
They are looking for someone to nursemaid their kids/mother/own decrepit carcass.
They have an icky fetish.
The least obviously fucked-up ones are not really single. They have a wife at home to keep them on their toes so that they’re relatively normal and know what a woman our age wants and expects. Unfortunately they “forget” the bit where we DON’T want the wife and kids and we EXPECT the goddamn truth before getting involved.

**Disclaimer, This is observation only. I am early 50’s and have been watching my friends doing the Dating Masochism Tango for years now. (Also my DH won’t be 50 for two more years… Apart from rubbing that statistic in my face, he’s a good one - so far!!!)

@Fraaances 100% this. Will screenshot your post and keep in my favorites !

Due to their experience most women in their 50s have a soberingly realistic view on what the average man is offering. In my case, I would like to have a lovely, supportive partner in an ideal world but I'm not willing to heavily compromise myself for just any partner, so we'll see if anyone special ever pops up, so far it hasn't happened and I'm getting quite used to the life I have which is not bad at all.

I wholeheartedly agree with this.

I'm mid 50s and been single for 10 years. I had a few dabbles in between and agree, that I would rather be on my own and live a drama and care free life.

Of course no one gets off lightly for always being drama free, but if something happens that I need to deal with, it is my issue and I will deal with it. It is not some issue once again caused by a partner which I also have to deal with.

My house is a calm house. I choose calm any day.

I’m just coming out the other side of bringing up my son on my own . I absolutely thought his dad was the one but he turned out to be an absolute melt . I have no interest in meeting anyone else and can’t see that changing. No interest in internet dating and I’m very happy being single . My house is now a drama free one and it’s amazing . Even people who tried setting me up on dates have given up.