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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

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Original poster

I can’t afford a divorce

312 replies

santawashisnameo · 07/12/2024 17:05

I really can’t afford to get divorced, I can’t afford the solicitors fees or to live alone or anything really. I am guessing I am stuck. Is anyone else in this situation?

OP posts:

PicturePlace · 08/12/2024 17:33

@santawashisnameo You can of course get a GP appointment. Figure it out.

PicturePlace · 08/12/2024 17:34

santawashisnameo · 08/12/2024 08:03

None of that is possible I am afraid. Please bear in mind I haven’t even said to him I want to split and I’m not even sure I do!

But no. Even one bed flats are around £800 a month.

Well then get a 1-bed flat. You can afford that on your wage.

Tangfastic71 · 08/12/2024 17:40

Anothernamechane · 08/12/2024 16:38

@Tangfastic71 op says she's on more than 2k a month part time. She refuses to say exactly how much she earns. So yes that's lucky because her part time wage is higher than the average uk wage. She won't say if they own their home but if they do it means she has an asset which many people in her position don't.

She's also in a position where she can leave safely if she needs to or have a discussion with her husband about him leaving. Believe it or not I'm not trying to make op feel worse but to show her she does in fact have options that many people don't and that her current approach to a situation that's making her miserable won't improve things and will result in a misery cycle.

If I sound harsh, it's because people here have tried a softly softly approach and frankly it's been thrown back at them. We can't fix this. Op clearly is a bright capable woman to have such a good job so this is something she is more than capable of changing if she reverses her current mindset

Firstly - her paid work is part time but with 2 kids under 4 she has her hands very full.
Secondly - the average UK net salary is £2300 a month or £27k ish.
The average in the South East is £39k
To call someone lucky when they are clearly struggling is neither helpful nor true. The logic doesn’t work just by comparing her salary with other people’s salary’s with no other context.
The OP didn’t ask people to solve her problem, she just asked how to cope - but people piled in with suggestions she’d already thought of and concluded that right now…the best solution was to put up with it.
But still they come - with the pull your socks up / change your mindset drivel. She can’t do that until she’s well.

everychildmatters · 08/12/2024 17:43

@Tangfastic71 Is that the average full-time salary you quoted?

howshouldibehave · 08/12/2024 17:45

I presume the OP is a teacher if she earns £2000+ a month for part time work and ‘breaks up’ for Xmas in two weeks. That is likely to be an average or above-average wage, which is good for her going forwards.

Tangfastic71 · 08/12/2024 18:15

everychildmatters · 08/12/2024 17:43

@Tangfastic71 Is that the average full-time salary you quoted?

It is yes….in response to the other poster who said the op’s part time wage was higher than the average UK wage.

MiraculousLadybug · 08/12/2024 18:30

OP I'm sorry you've had such a tough time. I used to live in the SE and I know several women in the same boat as you. I moved north to afford a home for my children. I know so many who couldn't.

Is it at all an option for you to apply to a different school in the north of England where you'd be on the same payscale but your money would go a lot further? I know it wouldn't help you immediately but by next September you could be in a very different place. If you're doing everything with the children anyway, it wouldn't make any material difference if you were a mile away or two hundred miles away from your current H.

Also I hope you get somewhere with the GP. PP's suggestion of writing it down and telling them it's inappropriate for little ears is good advice.

Disregard the moving north idea if it's impossible for you or if I've read it wrong and you don't work in a school, but I hope you start to feel better soon. Taking sick days obviously isn't an option when you have to plan cover, mark the stuff, as well as your normal workload but I think some PP's are trying to say (some very clumsily) that you need to take care of your health. If you can't get an appointment with the GP, ring 111 option 2 and tell them you're having a MH crisis because that's what this is. They won't send the men in white coats, I promise! They might even be able to get you an appointment with your own GP or practice nurse. Lock yourself in the toilet or your car for this phone call if you need to but keep pushing for help even though that seems so hard and far away right now.

selffellatingouroborosofhate · 08/12/2024 20:03

santawashisnameo · 08/12/2024 09:05

@VeryOddBall even that is tricky though. Because often when you ring at 8 you can’t get through at all. And if you can and they offer me a same day appointment, that has to be the first available one so we’re back to the problem of work and having to take a whole day off (which would massively add to my stress levels) or go on one of my days off with two children in tow.

It does need sorting but realistically I think it is going to have to wait another two weeks when I’ve broken up for Christmas.

go on one of my days off with two children in tow.

Then do that. I see people with prams going to the GP all the time.

Anothernamechane · 08/12/2024 20:26

@Tangfastic71 op has said multiple times she's not entitled to any benefits as a result of her salary. You are assuming her salary is £2k per month but all she's said is it's more than that. If op only earned the uk average of £27k with a childcare bill of £850 she'd be entitled to significant Universal Credit - perhaps as much as £1k a month depending on how much of the childcare bill she'd pay and how much her rent was. I have one child and had a much smaller childcare bill and received universal credit up to the point that I earned £38k per year, so if op is right about the benefits she'd be entitled to, it's safe to assume her part time salary is much higher than you think.

Op if you're still reading and perhaps just made an assumption about what you'd get as a lone parent, you can check here https://www.entitledto.co.uk. Bear in mind you can also get child maintenance on top unless you go for 50/50.

selffellatingouroborosofhate · 08/12/2024 21:35

You posted in "Divorce/separation". People are going to infer, entirely reasonably, that you want practical advice about how to divorce or separate.

DoubleInPozo · 08/12/2024 22:03

I get where you are OP.
I am in a similar situation and want to leave. I'm just unhappy, well miserable. I pay for everything and if I left I would push my other half into a really bad situation and I can't live with that either. So I'm just putting up and trying to get happy doing other things. Probably not sustainable long term but maybe things will change.
I hope you can work things out either way and be happy.

soberfabulous · 18/12/2024 17:29

How are you doing OP? Read Thai thread today and thought of you. You are not alone!

Divorce SUCKS http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am iibeingunreasonable/5232415-divorce-sucks

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