Divorce SUCKS

[WineNeededPlease]

My Husband has multiple affairs, just about destroys my mental sanity and I'm the one that will potentially lose my home and have to downsize with two children and start again.

However, he earns mega money and can be pleased to go on and live life and rebuild to the level we've been at.

It seems so unfair that men can do this...

Quick call from a divorce lawyer and turns out I really cannot afford to leave him and will probably have to keep trying until I break in half. 😔

Anyone 😣

Can you start bleeding him dry and squirrelling away/investing the money? Make the situation work for you 😁

Go 50/50 with the kids, then go out and earn a better income yourself then you get to restore the quality of your life as well just without a cheating stinking man holding you down.

Do you work? Have finances of your own?
If you have a large home then downsizing wouldn't be unexpected. Is there much equity on the home?

In fairness, this too. My ex bankrupted me and ran up debt in my name. At 32 i had to start from nothing, 6 years later i would consider myself rich and DD wants for nothing - all my work.

If your STBXH earns megabucks then you will be due some of that - how old are your children?

But no it isn't easy...but it's far, far easier than staying...I'm just about to downsize our house which doesn't feel great but the new place will be all mine and me and the DC are so, so much happier.

You can do this lovely, just get a good solicitor and let them guide you. I can recommend someone if that would be helpful.

It’s shit but you absolutely can afford to leave him

Find a new divorce lawyer and get some proper advice

if he’s mega bucks you could be entitled to spousal maintenance and of course half of any assets
you also may be able to stay in the family home until dc are older. But you need a lawyer who knows what they are doing

My divorce lawyer is really good and comes highly recommended from a successful lawyer.

My kids are 3 and 5.

I just feel fucking horrific for them. My eldest son is so sensitive and sweet.

It just all feels so unfair, I begged him for years to stop cheating. Begged. He just is a pathological liar and cannot seem to stop lying. It's even the small things.

His family are a bunch of terrors too and have blamed me. His Mum suggested I had too much time on my hands and should have turned a blind eye. 😣

He did say I could keep all the equity in the home and will be due maintenance. It's seems so materialistic but I hate the idea of moving my kids, selling my home. I never asked for any of this!

He naturally does not want the marriage to be over.

I've asked him to leave and he will not leave.

Apologies - lawyer said could keep equity.

Husband - won't leave home.

50/50 impossible...

He works non-stop. He can barely do 15%. I haven't returned to work since I had my children but have been offered a very good job.

I think my mental health will destroy me if I don't leave but I feel financial tied.

It's the classic, never lose your financial independence. I've been so fucking stupid.

From your updates, I’d question how good your lawyer is tbh?

Have you checked how much csa you’d be entitled too? If ex won’t leave you can ask the court to decide what to do. Although practically it will be easier to sell tbh

but again your really good lawyer should be clued up on this

Trust me. He's exceptional. I don't want to share too many personal details but I cannot keep my house because of the size of mortgage and the lock into my husband. The court would never allow it apparently - only in some cases.

I'd get a good maintenance but I still have to sell my home which seems so materialistic but the thought of uprooting my kids kills me. I live in London too, so it's not cheap.

Better divorced and living somewhere much smaller at peace and being in charge of your own life than obligated to a cheating twat. Also, the longer you are out of the workplace the harder it is to catch up in your career.

Oh I see

So your op is a bit misleading then really. You can afford to leave him you’ll just need to move house…

I know.... I know this, I'm so angry at myself for letting the material things cloud my judgement.

@applestewing no, it's not a case of just moving house.

I'd have to uproot my entire life and my boys. When I asked for none of this. It's so much deeper than that. But yes, a big part is losing my home. I'm very sad to let go of it.

@applestewing I won't be able to buy here which means moving schools, moving far out where I have no family and friends.

Sorry, anyone can divorce. Anyone can afford to divorce. It's an excuse to stay put in my experience and not face up to things.

You won't be as well off, that's a fact, but it's never ever impossible. You'll need a lifestyle change but that's the reality for anyone divorcing.

You're making a choice not to divorce base on wanting material things. That's going to be a whole lot worse for your kids in the long run.

Don't beat yourself up OP, you have 2 young children. You are a young woman who deserves a happy future. I understand your reluctance to not want to leave your home but would the equity enable you to buy a smaller property? You would be able to recreate a home for u and your children. I'm not underestimating the enormity of this but surely your peace of mind is priceless.
Staying with your husband will destroy you

But the kids are so young, better to do it now than in say 5 or 10yrs when they'll have established friendship groups and hobbies etc.
You'll make new friends and I'm sure family will support you and visit you. A different house will be a small price to pay for your sanity .

But you will not live with someone who humiliates you every day. And you will make friends and so will your children. Family will always be there. It's not fair and he's an asshole for cheating. Just make sure to get cms involved quickly.

Start your job you have been offered and start divorce proceedings. After 6 months you will be able to apply for a mortgage plus having the equity from the family once divorce goes through.

@GivingitToGod thank you, I appreciate that. I just cannot face any of this.

I feel like I'm on the edge of a nervous breakdown and I know so many people go through so many more life changing events, but this is just soul destroying. I only ever wanted a solid family and loving marriage.

@Gloriia

Thank you. Does it make it harder to leave in later years? Or leave now when they're young? I'm so scared of messing them up.