Partner asked me to leave cause I was upset with his mum

[KristyG]

My partner asked me to leave his house with our 5 month baby after I spoke about his mum. I moved into my partners house which is an hour away from where I’m from and got a new job. 2 years later we had a baby. Since he was born I have found his mother (while a caring, friendly person) to make annoying wee comments about my baby. These comments have always been to me and while small on their own, there have been quite a lot which has left me feeling more frustrated and upset, the comments have been to do with socks and outfits not matching, stains on his pram, giving him too much food, mark on his face that I said should fade in half an hour and she couldn’t believe it was still there. She’s also commented on my makeup and hair saying it looked better than it did the week before. I have not asked for advice from her on any of these things. She also likes to see me every week without her son there for coffees and asks to come along to his baby class. It came to a head the other day when I went round to collect the dog as my partner was working, in the 5 minutes I was there she told me she bumped into my neighbour at the shops who wasn’t happy that she hadn’t seen my baby in months and that I never answer the door to her even though she knocks “quietly” she then suggested I took my baby round to see the neighbour. Straight after that she said that my boyfriend told her we gave our baby a food pouch and proceeded to say that was a lot to give. After that, I got home and flipped telling my boyfriend I wanted him to speak to her subtly about the comments as I am stressed enough, tired with a new baby and don’t need that when I’m just trying to pick up the dog. He did not take this well, spoke to his mum who denied it all and said she’s just trying to help, he’s now accused me of picking on her and lying and asked me to leave the house with our baby and move in with my mum as he couldn’t take his mum being attacked. I feel so upset and frustrated that I’ve been accused of lying. I told him maybe I was more sensitive than usual with hormones, sleep deprivation etc as our baby still won’t sleep through the night but he wouldn’t hear it. I’m not sure what to do now I have this feeling of isolation there now and I made it clear I didn’t want it to be a big deal with his mum I just wanted the wee comments to stop.

Even if she did rant about his mum, what kind of guy kicks out a 5 month old baby! My OHs mum and I don't always get on, but if he did that over anything she'd be absolutely horrified.

OMG, get rid. Honestly, that's a piss take..Whether you were wrong or right, to kick you out is massive over reaction.

Right now in this moment I would suggest you take a break and get out and go to your family for some support. This will give you some breathing space.

at best your partners is a total tool as he hasn’t thought through the consequences of asking you to leave. Not least because contact with his child will be reduced but also from now on in your position I wouldn’t facilitate contact with his mother on your own. She (and he) is going to miss out.

id give home some benefit of the doubt because he is probably also sleep deprived and adjusting to life with a child. But given his mothers response, it won’t get better with her if you stay… she is testing your boundaries

Go to your mums.

Go. Now. Don't be treated like this just because he's daddy. He can see child but you're over. You deserve far more. You're not second fiddle to him and his mum.

It won't stop there.

I'd be like "good idea! Bye boy". And go and live happily ever after away from the manbaby.

He's done you a massive favour

I would leave and never go back! Is that easy for him to throw his wife and child out? Is this cultural ?

This all sounds very childish, I think if the Mil is annoying you just tell her straight in a calm way. My mil was overbearing in the beginning you just need to put your foot down. I also agree with pp, a good dad would not want his baby to not be living with him. This is not a good start to fatherhood.

Read Toxic Inlaws by Susan Forward. It's available as an audio book. That's after you've settled elsewhere. He's pathetic.

Any man who is willing to throw his baby and his partner out of the house, is an arsehole. Do you want to spend your life too frightened to say how you feel, whilst walking on egg shells around your partner, in case he disagrees with you and wants you to leave? The answer should be a big fat NO. He has just shown you exactly how life will be for you. His Mummy can't do any wrong; he will never back you up. It will be him and his Mum against you. His Mum should be utterly horrified that he's asked you and your baby to move out - equally she should be ashamed of herself for nitpicking and lying to her son. Personally, I don't think that she can see she's overstepped any boundaries. However, you should have nipped this in the bud as soon as it started happening. I am guessing that perhaps you are young and didn't know how to address the situation politely. I would absolutely move out, and go to your Mum's and start to look at moving forward without this twat of a man.

Absolutely this. No need for a big announcement. Get your Mum to help you and go. Whatever happens he needs to see that you won't accept ultimatums like this
What a scum bag to evict his baby and Partner over what should have been a civil discussion.

He asked OP to go and stay with her Mum, not spend the night on the council office doorstep.

Take the baby and go to your mum’s.
And your little dog too.

Leave and don’t turn back, a mummy’s boy that will always take her side.

I Am so sorry that you’re in this situation.

I am not sure whether your issues with his mother are all reasonable - it’s hard to say. Her wanting to join you to baby classes doesn’t sound like an awful thing, unless you hate her for something more fundamental? Many grandmas join in with baby classes, my mum came to a couple of sensory classes with me and my baby, too.

The comments on your hair and makeup are inappropriate, but maybe she thought she was being kind by saying that you looked better, this week?

what your baby eats or not…difficult one. Maybe she thinks she has to impart wisdom as the baby is your first and you are inexperienced? It really depends how she’s is coming across with his ‘helpful advice’. Does your own mum share this sort of advice too?

The bottom line - your partner’s reaction is shameful on his part. I’d be mortified if my son did something like this - turning his partner and little baby out of their home? Their safe space? Making you feel insecure about your future and place in that home? What kind of man throws out the mother of his child and his own baby? Despicable. I do wonder what his mother thinks of her own son, right now.

if this is how he reacts, then I’d get your ducks in a row. You don’t have a MIL problem, your partner is the problem. Whilst she sounds annoying and aggravating, she’s not the harmful one. He has the power to pull the security out from right under your feet, without consideration for his own child. NO.

Absolutely leave. He is not putting you and your baby first. Show him this thread - he's not a partner worth having

That.

Well Granny has shot herself in the foot whatever you decide to do, hasn't she.

Yes your hormones will be buzzing, the sleep deprivation will be taking it's toll, and Granny is being annoying, but if your partner's first thought is to kick you out, well saying it's an over reaction is playing down the situation big time. He is not the man for you

Go back to your Mum, put in a claim to CMS, start looking for new accommodation asap, don't answer calls / texts from granny.

Move out, move on and don't look back

I’d take the baby and go. Mass group update that your partner has kicked you and baby out. You deserve better.
he probably thinks you’ll beg to stay and say you’ll never say a bad word about his mum again. Don’t do that. Go.

You don’t need his mum’s constant advice. You definitely don’t need to be told the neighbour should be seeing your baby, wtf?!

Are you going to go back to your mum? How, with your job being near your dp’s place?

This.
leave now, tell him he has his mum all to himself now so that should make him happy.

Her partner asked her to leave with a five month old baby. After she said she was stressed with all the nitpicking comments. And his reaction was to kick her out.

She should leave because it won’t get better. What do you think he might do when there’s actual real tensions and stresses in their relationship?

What was actually said? If you calmly spoke and the. He went off the deep end then I'd leave

OP he's trying to get you to submit out of fear. You have to call his bluff you have to leave. You cannot let him get away with treating you this way because he will learn he can treat you bad and threaten to break up and you will give in. He's supposed to be supporting you you just had his baby!!

Hopefully you are on maternity leave so have time to find a new job local to your family. Move NOW while it's easier. Incidentally moving you away from family is classic abuser technique

There's a real danger to threads like these - convincing people to react in a way which may not be what they actually really want, or is in their best interests.

None of us know the people involved. There is a tendency to characterize people as types - the evil bitch of a MIL; the hopeless mummy's boy etc...

In reality they are probably all decent people struggling with the changes a 5 month old baby brings to their lives. It can be brutal. I definitely had some stonking rows with DH and massive disagreements with my in-laws over things like breast-feeding. I also had to tell DH that I needed him to back me up on things. He needed to be told quite how I felt and what I needed him to do. He was also frazzled. But we talked later with cooler heads.

I know I'll be in a minority, but the answer isn't always to just run away. There's lots of emotive language here - 'evict', 'make homeless' etc. It may be that the reality is that the DP has suggested the OP spends some time with her mum to give them both a break and time to sort things out.

That’s awful and I think you should definitely stay with your mum at this time as neither bf or mil sound supportive.

Please remember that baby should only be having milk at 5 months old as even if they can sit unsupported and seem ready to swallow the digestive organs are still developing. Early weening can cause digestive problems in adult hood and increase allergy risk. www.nhs.uk/start-for-life/baby/weaning/ready-or-not-weaning-quiz/