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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Partner asked me to leave cause I was upset with his mum

260 replies

KristyG · 14/11/2024 16:49

My partner asked me to leave his house with our 5 month baby after I spoke about his mum. I moved into my partners house which is an hour away from where I’m from and got a new job. 2 years later we had a baby. Since he was born I have found his mother (while a caring, friendly person) to make annoying wee comments about my baby. These comments have always been to me and while small on their own, there have been quite a lot which has left me feeling more frustrated and upset, the comments have been to do with socks and outfits not matching, stains on his pram, giving him too much food, mark on his face that I said should fade in half an hour and she couldn’t believe it was still there. She’s also commented on my makeup and hair saying it looked better than it did the week before. I have not asked for advice from her on any of these things. She also likes to see me every week without her son there for coffees and asks to come along to his baby class. It came to a head the other day when I went round to collect the dog as my partner was working, in the 5 minutes I was there she told me she bumped into my neighbour at the shops who wasn’t happy that she hadn’t seen my baby in months and that I never answer the door to her even though she knocks “quietly” she then suggested I took my baby round to see the neighbour. Straight after that she said that my boyfriend told her we gave our baby a food pouch and proceeded to say that was a lot to give. After that, I got home and flipped telling my boyfriend I wanted him to speak to her subtly about the comments as I am stressed enough, tired with a new baby and don’t need that when I’m just trying to pick up the dog. He did not take this well, spoke to his mum who denied it all and said she’s just trying to help, he’s now accused me of picking on her and lying and asked me to leave the house with our baby and move in with my mum as he couldn’t take his mum being attacked. I feel so upset and frustrated that I’ve been accused of lying. I told him maybe I was more sensitive than usual with hormones, sleep deprivation etc as our baby still won’t sleep through the night but he wouldn’t hear it. I’m not sure what to do now I have this feeling of isolation there now and I made it clear I didn’t want it to be a big deal with his mum I just wanted the wee comments to stop.

OP posts:
BeeCucumber · 19/11/2024 19:21

Leave.

Lwrenn · 19/11/2024 19:21

Oh fuck that. Just go and don't look back. The whole situation is bizarre and you and your kids deserve a better life than being on edge constantly in case you're thrown out for not wanting daily criticism from his mum.
Nope.

MrsPerfect12 · 19/11/2024 19:24

You're being conditioned to keep quiet. This will escalate. I agreed with leave and stay gone.

hailu · 19/11/2024 19:24

Leave and go to your mums.
This is a preview of what the rest of your life will look like.

Error404pagenotfound · 19/11/2024 19:24

Leave. Not only is he showing you clearly that he will always back his batshit mother, he has taught you to keep your mouth shut whenever there is an issue or he will kick you and his child out.

Leave now, with your baby and build your own life. He is not a good man.

Wolframandhart · 19/11/2024 19:25

Another voice saying leave him and do not go back.

TiredWife · 19/11/2024 19:25

You both sound quite young and immature. Yes, the MIL's comments are irritating but they sound like the sort of wittering things older women (my own mum included!) would say, especially if they are a bit awkward spending time with their DIL and new baby.
I wish my MIL had ever offered to go for a coffee with me, or join me at a daytime event. She was cold, stand-offish and she and PIL had the grandkids to stay overnight ONCE in their entire childhood.
You should have nipped the comments in the bud before they got to a point when you snapped like this.
Yes, your DP handled it badly, but he probably feels caught between you and MIL.

Everyone on MN is quick to shout 'leave the bastard' but is that what you really want?
Can't you both/ all be a bit more mature and discuss this and agree how to handle things better in the future?

standardduck · 19/11/2024 19:28

Leave.

He is pathetic to tell you to leave with your tiny baby.

His mum sounds exhausting.

Go stay at your mum's. I bet you'll feel relieved when you won't be around either one of them.

noctu · 19/11/2024 19:32

Leave with your baby and he can shack up with his mummy instead. Pathetic little boy.

CactusPeach · 19/11/2024 19:34

His reaction is showing you he's not worth being with, you'll be happier at your mums and not being tied to him in the long run.

pikkumyy77 · 19/11/2024 19:34

Leave. Is that 💯 percent for leave? Yes it is. Because there is no coming back frim this.

JollyZebra · 19/11/2024 19:36

If your mother is likely to be supportive and welcoming you should go there and let him and his mother get on with it.
You have a baby to care for, you don't need a big kid to care for as well.

dapsnotplimsolls · 19/11/2024 19:36

He's expecting you to go down on your hands and knees and beg forgiveness from him and his Mum. Don't. Call his bluff and go to your Mum's.

User860131 · 19/11/2024 19:36

TiredWife · 19/11/2024 19:25

You both sound quite young and immature. Yes, the MIL's comments are irritating but they sound like the sort of wittering things older women (my own mum included!) would say, especially if they are a bit awkward spending time with their DIL and new baby.
I wish my MIL had ever offered to go for a coffee with me, or join me at a daytime event. She was cold, stand-offish and she and PIL had the grandkids to stay overnight ONCE in their entire childhood.
You should have nipped the comments in the bud before they got to a point when you snapped like this.
Yes, your DP handled it badly, but he probably feels caught between you and MIL.

Everyone on MN is quick to shout 'leave the bastard' but is that what you really want?
Can't you both/ all be a bit more mature and discuss this and agree how to handle things better in the future?

If his mother had a shred of decency then she would be telling her son not to be such a twat even if she did feel that she was in the right. I can't imagine ever wanting my child to essentially render their partner and my grandchild homeless for the sake of my ego. Disgusting behaviour.

carly2803 · 19/11/2024 19:37

I would not even be thinking about it - pack and RUN!!

mummy's boys do not change!!!!

QuintessentialDragon · 19/11/2024 19:38

TiredWife · 19/11/2024 19:25

You both sound quite young and immature. Yes, the MIL's comments are irritating but they sound like the sort of wittering things older women (my own mum included!) would say, especially if they are a bit awkward spending time with their DIL and new baby.
I wish my MIL had ever offered to go for a coffee with me, or join me at a daytime event. She was cold, stand-offish and she and PIL had the grandkids to stay overnight ONCE in their entire childhood.
You should have nipped the comments in the bud before they got to a point when you snapped like this.
Yes, your DP handled it badly, but he probably feels caught between you and MIL.

Everyone on MN is quick to shout 'leave the bastard' but is that what you really want?
Can't you both/ all be a bit more mature and discuss this and agree how to handle things better in the future?

Nah. She needs to leave the bastard. As otherwise she'll end up like one of the typical MN long-term girlfriends. 'I've been with my DP for 20 years, unmarried, 2-3 children, lived in his house (and she won't be on the deeds). He wants to split, is kicking us out, do I have any rights here (the answer is no), I don't have anywhere to go to.'

Whoyoutakingto · 19/11/2024 19:40

Your partner has massively overreacted. His Mum is interfering and causing trouble by saying you’re lying, unfortunately you are not on an equal footing as it is his house. I would try and establish some kind of independence for you and your child. They will both have to have a rethink over seeing the baby. It will do them good, don’t be manipulated.

Fupoffyagrasshole · 19/11/2024 19:42

As others said I’d take the baby and go! And go very low contact with him for a while. I’d block the mother in law !

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 19/11/2024 19:43

He has asked / told you to leave. so do so. Now.

It is his house, and you don't appear to be married ?

If your Mum can't house you for very long, get yourself down to the Council offices and declare yourself homeless - as your boyfriend threw you out his house.

Whyherewego · 19/11/2024 19:47

This is an incredibly immature response from him. I'd take him at face value and leave, give him some time to reflect. Have some reflection yourself and then sit down and have a long conversation with him about the future. Including whether there is a future with him. And if there is then it needs to with him being more rational

TiredWife · 19/11/2024 19:48

User860131 · 19/11/2024 19:36

If his mother had a shred of decency then she would be telling her son not to be such a twat even if she did feel that she was in the right. I can't imagine ever wanting my child to essentially render their partner and my grandchild homeless for the sake of my ego. Disgusting behaviour.

We don't even know if the MIL knows that her son has asked the OP to leave - I suspect not. She says she was just trying to help. Perhaps she was. After all, we only have one side of the story here, and it's from a very fragile, sleep-deprived sounding OP who is seemingly traumatized by being asked to go for a coffee with her MIL.

And yet somehow a bunch of strangers on the internet just know that the right thing to do is to split up a family?

Parenting is stressful. People make mistakes and overreact. They discuss things, apologize and move on, trying to do better.
The time to LTB is after you've tried to make things work over a period of time and things don't change, not the first time you have a bit of a wobble.

OP, by all means go to your Mum's for a bit of space, but don't rely on a bunch of anonymous MNers for relationship advice. Only you know whether your relationship is worth fighting for. And single parenthood is hard.

PinkyFlamingo · 19/11/2024 19:48

Go. And don't look back.

HowYouSpellingThat10 · 19/11/2024 19:49

This all seems very high tension.

There is a lot of encouragement here to go but I think you all need to breathe and calm down before acting rashly.

The comments are annoying but pretty minor. Some people just say stupid things. My FIL is one. He will comment on kids clothes etc. But he is helpful and supportive and well known for saying whatever comes into his head with no filter.

Does your MIL show you care? If so, learn to ignore it.

Your boyfriend has gone from zero to a 100 with this. He needs to apologise and calm down.

Your MIL has probably not reacted well to suggestions that she is picking on you and has gone in the defensive.

You may well decide to leave for wider reasons but all this sounds a bit like lots of people a bit stressed and sleep deprived so don't rush or say or do things you can't go back from.

SometimesCalmPerson · 19/11/2024 19:51

His mum sounds like a pain in the arse but she’s still his mum.

Be honest with yourself. Did you calmly tell him you were upset because of things his mum
said or did he have to listen to a high pitched rant slagging his mum off?

Meowingtwice · 19/11/2024 19:51

I'm so sorry OP. His mum sounds like she was trying to help but being way too involved.

But what kind of guy kicks out a five month old baby! You're better off without him.

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