Partner asked me to leave cause I was upset with his mum

[KristyG]

My partner asked me to leave his house with our 5 month baby after I spoke about his mum. I moved into my partners house which is an hour away from where I’m from and got a new job. 2 years later we had a baby. Since he was born I have found his mother (while a caring, friendly person) to make annoying wee comments about my baby. These comments have always been to me and while small on their own, there have been quite a lot which has left me feeling more frustrated and upset, the comments have been to do with socks and outfits not matching, stains on his pram, giving him too much food, mark on his face that I said should fade in half an hour and she couldn’t believe it was still there. She’s also commented on my makeup and hair saying it looked better than it did the week before. I have not asked for advice from her on any of these things. She also likes to see me every week without her son there for coffees and asks to come along to his baby class. It came to a head the other day when I went round to collect the dog as my partner was working, in the 5 minutes I was there she told me she bumped into my neighbour at the shops who wasn’t happy that she hadn’t seen my baby in months and that I never answer the door to her even though she knocks “quietly” she then suggested I took my baby round to see the neighbour. Straight after that she said that my boyfriend told her we gave our baby a food pouch and proceeded to say that was a lot to give. After that, I got home and flipped telling my boyfriend I wanted him to speak to her subtly about the comments as I am stressed enough, tired with a new baby and don’t need that when I’m just trying to pick up the dog. He did not take this well, spoke to his mum who denied it all and said she’s just trying to help, he’s now accused me of picking on her and lying and asked me to leave the house with our baby and move in with my mum as he couldn’t take his mum being attacked. I feel so upset and frustrated that I’ve been accused of lying. I told him maybe I was more sensitive than usual with hormones, sleep deprivation etc as our baby still won’t sleep through the night but he wouldn’t hear it. I’m not sure what to do now I have this feeling of isolation there now and I made it clear I didn’t want it to be a big deal with his mum I just wanted the wee comments to stop.

Go/ leave now. I had same situation exactly after my MIL came to stay with us my youngest was 3 I stayed with a friend then got accommodation , I could have gone back to mums, but wanted to get own place , but ended up (stupidly) going back, only good thing about going back was having 2 more lovely kids, but I honestly wished on many occasions I had stayed away. All the best OP

He has shown his true colours for sure, a 'mummy's boy' with no support or loyalty towards you or his own child, what a creep!

If you are able to move to your mum's for now, do so - and start applying for the necessary child support from him asap. Maybe he thinks you will come back begging for forgiveness after a few weeks, after he has had a nice rest from parenting duties himself, but you must stay strong and not return, and look to your's and your baby's future in the long term - at least you won't have to put up with his mum's undermining comments in future.

This sounds like an excuse for telling you to go away. You are right in my opinion and he should just tell his mum she is making you upset, his reaction is not at all ok and the only reasonable reaction would to be annoyed that you both are fighting but telling you to go away sound to me like a huge excuse. Be careful to me something else is going on there.

Leave. He has shown you exactly who he is. Believe him and leave him. Phone your mum to help you move. Make sure he pays maintenance.

Get it in writing from him that he told you to leave WITH the baby and why he did it. txt him to say "o I cant believe you just told me to take the baby and go to my mother's because I asked you to ask your mum to tone down her comments to me." Just to guard against him going to court for care of your baby saying you are an unfit mother the minute you ask him for help or maintenance.

Best just pack and go love - from those of us who have tried to parent our children through out own relationship with a mummy's boy, you are in a no win situation which will just get more distressing with time. Galling as it is, just leave him with mummy and have a fabulous life for you any your child elsewhere. Also ignore any please for your return - mummy's boys boomerang their emotional states with a speed that would astonish Roger Bannister.

This sounds like good advice; be savvy and make sure he can't make you the villain here. Emotional as you must feel, you need to switch on and play the long game. He's dug a hole for himself here so let him keep digging himself into a situation he'll wish he hadn't started. Stay strong, although you must feel emotional and devastated, he's actually saved you from a life of bullying and nastiness and bringing up your child in an unhappy home. Good luck ❤.

If a grown up man cannot (seemingly) manage a history of an interpersonal relationships with two adult women both presmably he love and wants to be close to then there is an issue with his personality, ability. You need to reflect on this for a long term relationship that should ensure through thick and thin. Good luck.

I am so sorry to read this. As others have said, call his bluff and don't look back. It'll be hard but he'll likely do it again. He should have your! Back not his mother's.

There are challenging times in life when you have to face reality. If you cannot get him to face his responsibilities now, odds are you never will. In these situations my sympathy lies with the baby.

Go. Go now, it will get worse if you stay.Tell his mother he has told you to leave so that she doesn't think you've flounced off in a huff. It will be your fault no matter what but as other posters have said, if it's in a text it can't be denied. Good luck 🤗

I'd leave. If he's calling your bluff, as I suspect he is, he'll recognise what a fool he's been, apologise profusely and beg you to come back. If he doesn't, he's not worth it and he won't change. You deserve better than him and his mother.

I'm afraid he is not a good man or a good father. Start to work out what you want to do. It is really upsetting but if he wants to throw you and his baby out because of his mother, then I don't see much future in this relationship. Build in some distance from his mother.

He's gaslighting you so that you won't address any issues with his mum again ... do not buy into this level of emotional manipulation. Do not spend ANY time with her from now on unless he is present and if she makes comments, "I appreciate you're trying to help, I will ask if I need some advice. I've got it thanks"

I'm sad I didn't see this post when it first came up, I hope you were bare minimum contact while you were at your mums. The fact he would choose his mother over you and his child is disgusting - he needs to grow up and learn to advocate for his little family. His mother is now EXTENDED family and should not be his priority.

Has he worked out any arrangements for supporting his child ? That’s the most important thing now. Stuff him and his mom.

I'd leave op. The fact his immediate reaction is to kick his partner and tiny baby out tells you exactly where his priorities are. He will always choose his mum over you. He doesn't recognise that he now has a new family he needs to put first and a partner he needs to respect and support.

You need a man with a backbone and who will support you and help maintain healthy boundaries around your family to protect you all. Head back to your mum.

Just go and don't look back.

This op 👆🏻

It's his home and he can kick you and a baby out any time he or his precious mummy want.

Ditch the boy child and go to your mums op.

And this is why we don't have babies with boyfriends....

Being a single parent is hard… you have an invested partner and mother in law.. I would not sweat the small stuff but if I were to stay and be invested in this set up… then boundaries are needed: marriage and respect are required. The partner needs to support the mother of his child.

Take your precious baby and leave. He is not a man if he has said to leave at the slightest inconvenience and disagreement with his mother. He should have your back at all times and if he doesn't agree with what you've said be mature enough to hear both sides and manage it appropriately. Be with your mum and let her help you get through these tough months of no sleep. You deserve better and I know you must know you do too.

This is utterly ridiculous, your partner is acting like a child. Your partner should ALWAYS have your back, even if you're in the wrong. They should be willing to support you and help work out a way to make things better for you. It sounds like maybe something else is going on and he's using this as an excuse to get you out. Move back in with your mum, your partner is a weak man

I haven't read all the comments and this has probably been said a hundred times but he's showing you who he is, you should believe him. Go now, you'll regret it if you don't.

Please put yourself and your baby first and move back to your Mum's. This man is undermining your security and self worth. Bless you and sending hugs xx

Mums a prat. Neighbours a prat. Sons an absolute prat.

I echo everyone’s advice on leaving. Although appreciate it won’t be easy, I don’t think staying will be good for your mental health.

Sorry you’re in this situation, post partum can be a vulnerable time when you need people in your corner, not manipulating, controlling and working against you.