Partner asked me to leave cause I was upset with his mum

[KristyG]

My partner asked me to leave his house with our 5 month baby after I spoke about his mum. I moved into my partners house which is an hour away from where I’m from and got a new job. 2 years later we had a baby. Since he was born I have found his mother (while a caring, friendly person) to make annoying wee comments about my baby. These comments have always been to me and while small on their own, there have been quite a lot which has left me feeling more frustrated and upset, the comments have been to do with socks and outfits not matching, stains on his pram, giving him too much food, mark on his face that I said should fade in half an hour and she couldn’t believe it was still there. She’s also commented on my makeup and hair saying it looked better than it did the week before. I have not asked for advice from her on any of these things. She also likes to see me every week without her son there for coffees and asks to come along to his baby class. It came to a head the other day when I went round to collect the dog as my partner was working, in the 5 minutes I was there she told me she bumped into my neighbour at the shops who wasn’t happy that she hadn’t seen my baby in months and that I never answer the door to her even though she knocks “quietly” she then suggested I took my baby round to see the neighbour. Straight after that she said that my boyfriend told her we gave our baby a food pouch and proceeded to say that was a lot to give. After that, I got home and flipped telling my boyfriend I wanted him to speak to her subtly about the comments as I am stressed enough, tired with a new baby and don’t need that when I’m just trying to pick up the dog. He did not take this well, spoke to his mum who denied it all and said she’s just trying to help, he’s now accused me of picking on her and lying and asked me to leave the house with our baby and move in with my mum as he couldn’t take his mum being attacked. I feel so upset and frustrated that I’ve been accused of lying. I told him maybe I was more sensitive than usual with hormones, sleep deprivation etc as our baby still won’t sleep through the night but he wouldn’t hear it. I’m not sure what to do now I have this feeling of isolation there now and I made it clear I didn’t want it to be a big deal with his mum I just wanted the wee comments to stop.

Even if he changes his mind and takes it all back because he 'doesn't really mean it'.......the fact that he even said it at all is a huge sign post telling you that he will ALWAYS find problems with you and resent you and his child. Your child may grow up in a household where daddy doesn't prioritise or provide support for his wife and child. He has problems with empathy that will make him a terrible father and partner. If you have any way of starting a new life - please try now. At least if you can - have a break from him and stay with your family.

Defo call his bluff, then he will have time to realise what a dick he is ,!!! Goodluck x

So sorry you are caught up in this situation. You don't have to put up with being belittled by his mother. As sad as it seems he appears to have chosen his mother over you and his child. Go to your mum's, have yourself a bit of breathing space and some self care. He's a mummy's boy always will be, and definitely not worth wasting anymore of your time on someone so willing to tell you to leave. It will be hard for you now but you are worth more than this. Good luck OP x

How are things going, @KristyG ?

I agree with everything you say.....except the last bit. The courts will ultimately decide parental custody/contact arrangements. How the father spends his time with his child is up to him. If he wants to spend that time with his mother, then he can do so. The court will not rule that his mother has no contact unless there's proven danger, which is doesn't sound like there is. She may be interfering but not a danger. So she can't tell her (hopefully ex-) partner that his mother with have no contact with the child. SHE can refuse to visit the mother with the child, but she can't demand that the father doesn't visit his mother with the child....

This "male" (I won't say "man" because he's not acting like one) is not the one for you....or indeed, the one for anybody if he acts like this towards the person he should be protecting! As others have said, his behaviour raises so many red flags. You and his child should be his number one priority. Yes, a son should protect his mother if the need arises, but unless there's much that hasn't been disclosed, his mother did not need protecting! And as his default stance is "leave my house now and take my 5 month old baby with you", this shows that you'll never be safe and secure there, even if he ultimately relents and "allows" you to stay. Being a single mother, especially at a young age (and you seem young), can feel daunting, and it will be hard work, but no where near as hard as constantly living under the threat of homelessness! If your mum will take you in, go to her. Take your baby, and the dog if it's yours, and call his bluff. And please don't look back! Don't let him persuade you that he acted on impulse or whatever, because this will happen again. And again. And again. I don't usually advise immediate termination of a relationship (contrary to many Mumsnetters), but this is different. He's shown his true colours early on, you need to accept what he's showing you and act accordingly....

It is so hard, even if MIL says she means to be helpful it is so hard when you are exhausted. I think they all forget how hard it is. I have a one year old who is still up every couple of hours some nights and my patience has never been so short. Your partner is a weasel, it is really poor of him to kick you and your baby out and just believe his Mum. Is your family supportive? Will they help you? They can't think much to what your boyfriend has done... Lets see how your MIL likes not getting weekly visits and trips to baby group. I think you've been very patient the little comments are unhelpful and mean. It's none of the neighbours business to see the baby. tell them to get stuffed.

I think you've had a lucky escape. It might not feel like it but I think you should thank your lucky stars. Bad enough kicking you out but a wee baby too? Kick this absolute w⚓ into touch and get on with your life🤗

I've found that men who are controlled by another petson can never have a normal relationship with their partner.

Just wondering how you're getting on now @KristyG ? Have you made any decisions yet?