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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

I received inheritance 4 weeks before my husband said he was leaving

229 replies

Sofie19 · 02/10/2024 22:53

Hi

I received some inheritance from my parents a couple of months ago. I told my husband their house sale went through and I got the money. 4 weeks later he said we should separate and he moved into a rental he had already organized. I'm in my 30s and we have a young son. My lawyers have told me I need to use the inheritance for my future housing needs.

But I don't want to.

I don't want to be forced into using my parent's money for this. I wanted to reduce the hours of my current job and use the inheritance money to supplement my income because I don't want to work long hours. My job has been stressful in the past and I reduced my hours in the past few years and I have been happier and feel I have the right home/work balance. I want to stay working shorter hours so I can be there for my son and enjoy my life.

My husband is a high earner (100k +) for the last year and was obsessed with work. I am on less than 30k. We have a big mortgage which I can't afford on my income alone. I don't know what to do. Honestly, I want to give the inheritance away, flush it down the loo, put it in a trust for my young son, whatever. I feel sick to my core that my husband waited for it before leaving. He used our marriage to build up his income and take a new job and train for his high income. I actually wanted him to stay on the lower paid job. I feel devastated that, whilst it probably isn't part of the matrimonial pot, I will have to use it for my living needs because property prices are high near where we are. I wanted to keep some for my son, keep some for myself for when I am much older and need to supplement my pension and also some for IVF now as a single woman. Some could have gone towards property but nowhere near what is being suggested. My husband could meet his housing needs based on his salary because his borrowing capacity is high but mine isn't and I can't base it on my salary alone / the income I can make from interest.

Is there any way I can get rid of the inheritance? Everywhere I have read says don't spend it because it looks bad. But if it isn't my husband's anyway surely I can do whatever I want with it. I just feel so gutted. I might be coming across as greedy and selfish I know. But ultimately I don't want to be forced to spend it in a certain way, I want to choose how to spend it myself.

OP posts:
teenmaw · 03/10/2024 06:09

Life doesn't always go the way we want it to unfortunately. You need to get advice on splitting your assets and child maintenance and any help from benefits you may get and then see where you're at. You're lucky you have the inheritance or life would be about to get way harder!

PrimalOwl10 · 03/10/2024 06:13

Do you expect the government to fund you reducing your hours op. Just get your parents to hold onto the money.

Autumnalfun · 03/10/2024 06:13

Your husband isn’t getting it though. The matrimonial assets will be split equally. The money is you using it not him. You’re mot entitled to him supporting you when you’re no longer together.

Autumnalfun · 03/10/2024 06:14

PrimalOwl10 · 03/10/2024 06:13

Do you expect the government to fund you reducing your hours op. Just get your parents to hold onto the money.

What? They are passed?

Hercisback1 · 03/10/2024 06:16

PrimalOwl10 · 03/10/2024 06:13

Do you expect the government to fund you reducing your hours op. Just get your parents to hold onto the money.

What? How can you give money to a dead person?

OP lawyer up ASAP.

User37482 · 03/10/2024 06:23

So the problem is that your DH saw your inheritance as an opportunity to divorce you without having to take financial responsibility for you?

You can’t force him to stay married to you.

I’m a bit confused by you saying he took your marriage as an opportunity to earn more but you didn’t actually want him to and wanted him to stay in a lower earning job? Doesn’t that just mean your CMS will be higher vs him divorcing you and not being able to pay a decent amount of CMS? How would anything have been better if he earned less?

I understand he disrupted your plans, but honestly I think you should reflect on the fact that he could have left you when you had no money and he was only in a position to give you £20 a week.

You need legal advice on how the money is split. Just be aware that your inheritance may make up part of that pot too and you may need to defend it.

MiddleParking · 03/10/2024 06:26

I think we’d all like to spend our money on wants instead of needs OP. You’re incredibly fortunate to have a significant sum of money to house you.

olympicsrock · 03/10/2024 06:26

You are not thinking straight OP. Not having money will not make your life easier…
Unfortunateky this has happened and life will have to change . DH and you will
split assets but it is likely that you will need to work more as a single parent now.

Tanfastic · 03/10/2024 06:29

Lots of things are taken into consideration when people divorce like how young the kids are, length of marriage, assets and income and although it's a blow op and not how you imagined life would pan out, you should be thankful you've got that money.

A lawyer will talk to you about how assets are to be split and given the disparity in your incomes that is probs why it's been suggested you keep the inheritance and it's not split equally. Also obviously you have a child (assume this is your husband's child?).

When my dh got a lump sum when he retired in an ideal world I'd have loved to use that money to retire too but unfortunately we had to use it to pay off the mortgage. I still work full time and will do until I'm an old lady at this rate.

Nsky62 · 03/10/2024 06:30

Sofie19 · 02/10/2024 22:53

Hi

I received some inheritance from my parents a couple of months ago. I told my husband their house sale went through and I got the money. 4 weeks later he said we should separate and he moved into a rental he had already organized. I'm in my 30s and we have a young son. My lawyers have told me I need to use the inheritance for my future housing needs.

But I don't want to.

I don't want to be forced into using my parent's money for this. I wanted to reduce the hours of my current job and use the inheritance money to supplement my income because I don't want to work long hours. My job has been stressful in the past and I reduced my hours in the past few years and I have been happier and feel I have the right home/work balance. I want to stay working shorter hours so I can be there for my son and enjoy my life.

My husband is a high earner (100k +) for the last year and was obsessed with work. I am on less than 30k. We have a big mortgage which I can't afford on my income alone. I don't know what to do. Honestly, I want to give the inheritance away, flush it down the loo, put it in a trust for my young son, whatever. I feel sick to my core that my husband waited for it before leaving. He used our marriage to build up his income and take a new job and train for his high income. I actually wanted him to stay on the lower paid job. I feel devastated that, whilst it probably isn't part of the matrimonial pot, I will have to use it for my living needs because property prices are high near where we are. I wanted to keep some for my son, keep some for myself for when I am much older and need to supplement my pension and also some for IVF now as a single woman. Some could have gone towards property but nowhere near what is being suggested. My husband could meet his housing needs based on his salary because his borrowing capacity is high but mine isn't and I can't base it on my salary alone / the income I can make from interest.

Is there any way I can get rid of the inheritance? Everywhere I have read says don't spend it because it looks bad. But if it isn't my husband's anyway surely I can do whatever I want with it. I just feel so gutted. I might be coming across as greedy and selfish I know. But ultimately I don't want to be forced to spend it in a certain way, I want to choose how to spend it myself.

You are fortunate not waiting for your husband to fund housing, it will be yours, solely.
Be glad you have it, lots of life isn’t fair, as you know.
Hopefully you have your health

ivykaty44 · 03/10/2024 06:31

Unfortunately it’s not a coincidence he waited and his timing was on purpose, he’d had advice on that score

what do your solicitors suggest about his pension ?

CuriousGeorge80 · 03/10/2024 06:33

Just to say I understand your rage OP. He is going to use the timing of your parent’s death to his advantage. If they were still alive you would get a bigger cut of the matrimonial assets and then all of the inheritance in the future. He’s a twat and you have every right to be furious and hurt.

FakingItEasy · 03/10/2024 06:38

ivykaty44 · 03/10/2024 06:31

Unfortunately it’s not a coincidence he waited and his timing was on purpose, he’d had advice on that score

what do your solicitors suggest about his pension ?

Well you can look at it two ways: either what you have said, or he took the opportunity after she'd receive the money to leave knowing that she would be more financially stable and not leaving her high and dry.

The thing is we don't know either of these people and their motivations (although this is mumsnet, so obviously the man will be at fault (😉) OP, it may not be what you'd hoped for, but you are in a much better situation than a lot of people. Why on earth would you want to give the money away? Is it because then he would have to pay you more? Because that probably still wouldn't be enough for you to reduce your hours like you would want. How much is the money anyway?

Soontobe60 · 03/10/2024 06:38

CuriousGeorge80 · 03/10/2024 06:33

Just to say I understand your rage OP. He is going to use the timing of your parent’s death to his advantage. If they were still alive you would get a bigger cut of the matrimonial assets and then all of the inheritance in the future. He’s a twat and you have every right to be furious and hurt.

Or maybe the OP’s DH had been wanting to leave for a while but felt trapped both emotionally and financially. Now he can leave knowing his wife will not suffer financially?
OP, use this money to buy yourself a house. You could be mortgage free and therefore not need to earn as much in order to pay down a mortgage. Your house will be a huge asset, the value of it increasing more than any savings would.

farfromideal · 03/10/2024 06:43

Unfortunately life doesn't always work out the way we want. I was mortgage free by 40 but at 45, I ended up with a mortgage again after a divorce. Tough shit.

You are a young single mum now. Keep working and be thankful that you have the inheritance to help you

Tomorrowisyesterday · 03/10/2024 06:48

So if the inheritance is not a matrimonial asset, and won't be split, then surely the divorce settlement and child maintenance will include enough money to help with a property to live in (maybe not buy) and the inheritance is extra on top?
He could have waited a year or two and spent the inheritance on joint things and then you would be much worse off.

Fescue · 03/10/2024 06:48

Trust your lawyers.

Berlinlover · 03/10/2024 06:52

IVF as a single woman? Who looks after that child if anything happens to you?

lololulu · 03/10/2024 06:56

Can you split assets and the house but not your inheritance? I thought everything was 50/50?

FUBAR77 · 03/10/2024 06:57

Hes shown you who he is OP, believe him. It’s time to sort yourself out, use the money for housing, work part time and claim CMS - sounds like your life would be practically the same as it was if he was never around x

Tomorrowisyesterday · 03/10/2024 07:01

It's a lot to deal with - grieving loss of a parent, loss of the husband you thought you had, future plans for more children together.

to a pp, inheritance has different rules about how/if it counts as matrimonial assets.

TemuSpecialBuy · 03/10/2024 07:05

He has betrayed you horribly but very bluntly you arent thinking clearly.

He sounds like a shit but unfortunately life isnt fair.
Given the timing the inheritance should not be part of the pot. Ie its yours on top.

Your post is a bit jumbled and im guessing you feel he has stolen your planned future.

I know it isnt what was planned but Getting rid of rhe inheritance would just limit your options and make your life harder.

You mention IVF now as a single woman.
You really need to slow down here. An additional child on top of a marriage breakdown is a huge change for your existing child. And having had a child you must know a. How expensive it is and b. How mentally and physically draining having a child is.

As hard as it may be you need to shelve all of this for now.

In the short term you either need to sell up and move to a smaller 2 bed or accept that to maintain and keep the family home you need to use the iinheritance. Given the costs of maintenance on a house would you consider selling and buying something smaller/a flat so you have more liquidity and can consider working 4 days per week or similar?

Genevieva · 03/10/2024 07:05

Inheritance isn’t automatically a marital asset. Especially when only received at the point of separation, so hasn’t contributed to the marital pot, as it were. However, that doesn’t mean it’s fully ring-fenced. Your husband will have to pay you maintenance and the proceeds of your house sale will need to be split. Overall, you are better off with the inheritance than without it.

Thisismetooaswell · 03/10/2024 07:08

I'd get a financial adviser and see if you can put some or all of the inheritance in trust for your child

Candaceowens · 03/10/2024 07:11

Don't you realise how fortunate you are?

Lots of us would prefer to use our money for different things (I'll take 5 holidays a year please) but reality doesn't work that way.

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