I received inheritance 4 weeks before my husband said he was leaving

[Sofie19]

Hi

I received some inheritance from my parents a couple of months ago. I told my husband their house sale went through and I got the money. 4 weeks later he said we should separate and he moved into a rental he had already organized. I'm in my 30s and we have a young son. My lawyers have told me I need to use the inheritance for my future housing needs.

But I don't want to.

I don't want to be forced into using my parent's money for this. I wanted to reduce the hours of my current job and use the inheritance money to supplement my income because I don't want to work long hours. My job has been stressful in the past and I reduced my hours in the past few years and I have been happier and feel I have the right home/work balance. I want to stay working shorter hours so I can be there for my son and enjoy my life.

My husband is a high earner (100k +) for the last year and was obsessed with work. I am on less than 30k. We have a big mortgage which I can't afford on my income alone. I don't know what to do. Honestly, I want to give the inheritance away, flush it down the loo, put it in a trust for my young son, whatever. I feel sick to my core that my husband waited for it before leaving. He used our marriage to build up his income and take a new job and train for his high income. I actually wanted him to stay on the lower paid job. I feel devastated that, whilst it probably isn't part of the matrimonial pot, I will have to use it for my living needs because property prices are high near where we are. I wanted to keep some for my son, keep some for myself for when I am much older and need to supplement my pension and also some for IVF now as a single woman. Some could have gone towards property but nowhere near what is being suggested. My husband could meet his housing needs based on his salary because his borrowing capacity is high but mine isn't and I can't base it on my salary alone / the income I can make from interest.

Is there any way I can get rid of the inheritance? Everywhere I have read says don't spend it because it looks bad. But if it isn't my husband's anyway surely I can do whatever I want with it. I just feel so gutted. I might be coming across as greedy and selfish I know. But ultimately I don't want to be forced to spend it in a certain way, I want to choose how to spend it myself.

@Sofie19 you have to let it go and plan accordingly. You are still going to get 50% of the assets of the marriage. I hope you didn't pay the inheritance into an account he has access to. If not that will not be part of the assets. Just take you 50% and make it work you will be fine. Don't let this make you bitter.

It’s also possible that the second parent has recently died. My dad died this year, my mum is still alive. When she dies I will probably describe it as an inheritance from my parents as it was their joint house and savings.

Sorry for your loss, OP.

Is the inheritance money in a joint or single account. If under your name onky, I thought it couldn’t be used as part of the estate in divorce settlement (thus may need checking).

sorry for your loss, parent not dh.

Sorry fir the loss of your parents. ( or grandparents or whomever if your parents got the inheritance from them and passed it on to you directly, your post isn't totally clear, but sorry for your loss anyhow).

What are your plans for housing? Presumably you will have to sell and move to a cheaper property? (While taking local school proximity into consideration for your child so the area may still be expensive?)

Would doing that mean you'd still have a mortgage? If so you might want to use the inheritance for that. Then you don't have to worry about how to pay.

Yes we'd all like to reduce our working hours but sometimes it's not possible.

It could be that you get a good settlement from your ex if he's a high earner.

You have options. You may still keep the work life balance you want.

Park any ideas about IVF just now. Your son will have a lot of upheaval with his daddy moving out. He doesn't need a screaming sibling and different house in the same year. Plus you may meet another guy in the future and have a baby naturally. If anything I'd suggest freezing eggs but it's costly, uncomfortable, and the hormones can mess you up. But it would be better for you than ivf if you fear you're getting older as it would take the pressure off.

I was mortgage free following my divorce, thanks to a decent solicitor and inheritance. It took a long time to feel thankful for it, however. When someone you loves pulls something like this, it takes time to process and come to terms with it. It's hard to be thankful for anything when your life is in disarray.

OP - you have had some harsh responses here. Make that money work for you and your future.

op, I feel for you, I really do-but the part of your post that rings the biggest alarm bells is you saying that he left 4 weeks AFTER you received the inheritance. Which means that the inheritance IS part of the matrimonial pot. Now, if he has a shred of decency in him, he will refuse to take any part of your inheritance and will continue to support his son financially-but if he doesn’t then please, please make sure your legal team are utterly ruthless in family financial matters

Take legal advice and don’t rush into any big decisions, esp about the IVF. You might meet someone new to have children with.

The point is not whether DH has access to half the inheritance (I don’t think he does)

It is, as a PP says, whether or not the existence of the inheritance leads to the OP getting, say, half the joint assets rather than more than half, which might be what would happen otherwise if she is the main carer and lower earner.

Early inheritance is just a handout or gift.
You're in a tough situation, but ultimately better than you would have been without this extra cash. I'm not an expert but surely the existence of the inheritance won't leave you worse off overall, half the assets plus inheritance would still be more than the original higher portion of the assets? Unfortunately your situation has changed so your plans and budget need to change too, preferably with expert advice. Maybe you could move you and your son to a cheaper area and still go part time?

Invest some of the money in a really good legal team to sort your financials. My solicitor & barrister cost me an arm & a leg but the return was well worth it. It sounds like you're already unhappy with you solicitor, take what they're told you so far around as many free initial consultations as possible & choose a new one. Too many of them play the 'this is how we always do it' game which is easiest for them, you need someone who'll really understand your circumstances & represent YOU, not just blindly follow the process. My first solicitor wouldn't listen to me & was merrily plodding along assuming 50/50. My 2nd one fought for me to walk away with what was rightly mine (95%) & I got it.

Your parents legacy will be a secure home for you and their grandchild, not dictated by the whim of a man.
I get you, it's not fair but you are better off starting again now than in 10 years time.

I have to be honest and the bell ringing part for me was wanting to pursue IVF as a now single parent. Who would the father be? Would one child have a father (the ex) and one child be literally fatherless? It’s a very strange thing to be adding to the mix of negotiating a marriage break up, working hours, money, housing and single motherhood. (Unless I’ve just read it wrong).

Don’t forget your H’s pension pot will be an asset to be divided, probably quite a substantial sum given his income.

The IVF is an unwise pipe dream.

Get a good solicitor and hang onto the inheritance.

@Sofie19 You also are entitled to half your husband's assets- you are WAY better off than many women whose husbands are earning less and who haven't a home to split.

You are very lucky that an inheritance is coming your way.

It would have been discovered anyway, as women's assets are taken into account now as well.

The money won’t disappear if you invest in housing. It’s still there in the form of equity. Sell and move somewhere less expensive to release funds later. He will have to pay a fair bit of maintenance although be aware people get up to all sorts of shenanigans. My friends ex is apparently taking home £740 a month pays 40k into a pension and lives on £90k ish dividend payment. His parents are mortified and are paying the kids school fees.

You’re looking at this all wrong - your inheritance is buying you freedom. It’s buying you housing choices you wouldn’t have without it.
You will still get a settlement with your exh but this extra pot might be the difference between being under his power or free to make your own decisions.

Are people afraid of saying 'died' now?

Passed- where?

It's based on 'passed on to the other side'. Or maybe 'passed away'.

It's as if dying as become a taboo word like sex used to be.

I can see that you are blaming the inheritance for him leaving, your thoughts are (understandably) all over the place.

However, you need to give things a chance to settle. You need to grieve for the life you had planned, including working hours and future children with him. Once you feel calmer about where you are, you can start to make decisions that work for you and DC.

Using it for housing will be a good thing, DC will get money from Ex down the line but only you can give him a happy home life right now, so it's not a waste of money at all.

Take care, take time.

IVF as a single parent is insanity.

Why waste monetary on that when you have a son?

Get a house for yourself and son.

Purchased, not rented.

You sound unrealistic to be honest-

A house is a far greater asset than spaffing it up the wall.

Being a single parent is hard, the last thing you need is to be bringing a new fatherless IVF child into the mix.

Sorry for your loss. You haven't saud a word about loving your husband and being upset at him leaving ... its all about money. No wonder he left.

You can decline the inheritance and pass it to your son. It's not going to make a difference though, you're still going to have to work to house, feed and cloth you and your child.

Working part time in your thirties is a luxury which many desire and few achieve.

In his 30s and on 100k for one year or less? No it’s not likely to be substantial.

So so true.

My lovely neighbours lost their child and grandchild, and hated the term ''Passed''.

They too have died now {Nonagenarians}.

You can't time the death of a parent.