I received inheritance 4 weeks before my husband said he was leaving

[Sofie19]

Hi

I received some inheritance from my parents a couple of months ago. I told my husband their house sale went through and I got the money. 4 weeks later he said we should separate and he moved into a rental he had already organized. I'm in my 30s and we have a young son. My lawyers have told me I need to use the inheritance for my future housing needs.

But I don't want to.

I don't want to be forced into using my parent's money for this. I wanted to reduce the hours of my current job and use the inheritance money to supplement my income because I don't want to work long hours. My job has been stressful in the past and I reduced my hours in the past few years and I have been happier and feel I have the right home/work balance. I want to stay working shorter hours so I can be there for my son and enjoy my life.

My husband is a high earner (100k +) for the last year and was obsessed with work. I am on less than 30k. We have a big mortgage which I can't afford on my income alone. I don't know what to do. Honestly, I want to give the inheritance away, flush it down the loo, put it in a trust for my young son, whatever. I feel sick to my core that my husband waited for it before leaving. He used our marriage to build up his income and take a new job and train for his high income. I actually wanted him to stay on the lower paid job. I feel devastated that, whilst it probably isn't part of the matrimonial pot, I will have to use it for my living needs because property prices are high near where we are. I wanted to keep some for my son, keep some for myself for when I am much older and need to supplement my pension and also some for IVF now as a single woman. Some could have gone towards property but nowhere near what is being suggested. My husband could meet his housing needs based on his salary because his borrowing capacity is high but mine isn't and I can't base it on my salary alone / the income I can make from interest.

Is there any way I can get rid of the inheritance? Everywhere I have read says don't spend it because it looks bad. But if it isn't my husband's anyway surely I can do whatever I want with it. I just feel so gutted. I might be coming across as greedy and selfish I know. But ultimately I don't want to be forced to spend it in a certain way, I want to choose how to spend it myself.

Well done on the stupidest advice on the thread.

Personally I wouldn’t be doing any of that. For a start, unless you buy very very expensive jewellery you’ll get next to nothing back for it, 10% if you’re lucky.

Her priority should be not to play games but to knuckle down with a financial advisor and decide what’s the most intelligent way forward for her and her dc’s future security and well being.

I'm not sure how doing any of that is going to hurt her husband. It will certainly hurt OP who will end up living in whatever cheap housing she can afford, and working full time to do that. Having a lump sum (I'm assuming it's sizeable but realise that OP has not said) gives her the best chance for her own and her son's future.

I don’t think that pp realises all that spending and squirrelling will have paper trails if anyone should want to investigate those.

Ignore the advice from paperclip. I think they've been on the cooking sherry.

Put the money into a home, anything else would be stupid.

A home should be the number one priority. And please, no silly games as per the advice of Paperclip 🤦‍♀️

This thread is totally bat shit.

She wants to give away her inheritance so she doesn't have to spend it on a house which her dc would live in when instead she wants to spend it on some phantom if baby and expect the ex to fund her house etc.

Totally ridiculous.

She has money now that is hers and safe and ring fenced.

Instead she wants to wait for some random amount of maintenance from her scumbag ex.

I would reframe this as a positive. Thank God you have this inheritance now your DH is leaving.

Of course it's a positive.
However, the first world problem is that she can't reduce her hours and work less (in her 30s), the poor dear.

In everything housing is one of the greatest needs. See a solicitor, your inheritance is unlikely to be included as so recent.

What’s happened is the future you envisioned has changed and you are obviously upset coupled with your parents dying if this isn’t a downsizing gift you are not thinking straight at all. See a solicitor that’s the only thing you need to spend money on. I have two friends both divorcing their husbands one is paying £200PH and the other £250 PH to solicitors, apparently it’s £50 to write an email. Expect your divorce to cost a few thousand depending on how awkward it all is.

You would be very unlikely to get spousal maintenance if your H earns £100k and you earn £30k. The courts like to see a clean break where possible. Normally assets are split 50:50 or possibly a higher % to the parent who takes the lions share of child care. This often means a reduction in the standard of living for both parties. Sometimes the higher earning partner is required to allow the lower earning partner to stay in the family home with the kids but often the higher earning partner then doesn't pay the mortgage / house expenses - he or she is just unable to access the equity until the child reaches 18.

Without the inheritance you'd not get any higher % in the settlement nor would you get higher child maintenance. What it will do is allow you more choices here otherwise you'd be forced into selling the family home to release equity as you'd be unable to pay for it.

It sounds like you're in a panic, OP, so you're less likely to be able to see a way through what must seem like a big mess. You can disclaim your inheritance, but I really don't think you should do that. Surely your parents would want you to use the money for yourself and your son? What good would refusing it do?

I don't quite understand what your solicitor is suggesting. Are they saying that the inheritance means you will receive reduced maintenance from your exH? In any event, although they can advise you, they have no influence over what you spend your money on. If you wish to use some so that you can reduce your working hours, that is entirely up to you.

This involves a lot of emotion and emotional processing. Not everybody can jump straight to a clear clinical evaluation of the harsh realities. I really feel for you OP. The point of coming on these threads is to get to the point where you CAN think clearly.

I've had some inheritance troubles with my husband. It's caused all sorts of problems and its not easy to process the emotions that come with that, and the fallout.

I don't know the full story or how ruthless your husband is but it sounds as if you are feeling manipulated and betrayed by the person who should have been your ally. There's no 'pull yourself together' in the short term, there has to be a lot of sorting through the debris.

Having said that, all the advice on the practicalities from other posters is gold dust.

Sending hugs.

I believe inheritance is ring fenced (unless invested in property, i.e you renovate the family home). Have you thought about changing location? So if London-based, move to the coast, this would mean you could buy a property outright using inheritance funds, your husbands pension and the house you live in (if owned) are matrimonial assets that get split 50/50. If you were to look after your little boy during the week (x5 days) you would also receive child maintenance, although given circumstances your ex may want to enhance this payment so you don’t struggle?

Don't waste your time with games.

Make sure you have the best lawyer that is capable of finding hidden assets.

Get a full picture of finances including all pensions and investments - then with lawyer and a financial adviser decide how you would want the split of assets to look, you may be able to keep your inheritance pot if you agree to not keep a stake in his pension for example (however, get advice on whether this is financially advantageous or not).

You also need advice regarding housing and most likely you are going to have to downsize / maybe rent once you have the full picture. Use the next couple of years to stabilise and given what you have said you probably have to go back to full-time work - so you need to look at childcare / wrap around care for school also.

The reality is if you have a large amount of money to even go down as a deposit then you are likely to be able to maintain reduced hours as you will have low outgoings.
You will need to be careful when buying a new home and your overall going and you wi hopefully be able to set up your lifestyle so you can stay on reduced hours. This will be financed by your inheritance, you cannot keep it aside as a pot for IVF or whatever else you might want.
Marital assets will be split and your exh will pay maintenance but he doesn’t need to fund your desire to part time.
You need to make peace with the fact that now you’re single that is on you.

I would ask the lawyer if you have a right to stay in the home if your ex can pay towards it as a higher earner. I know someone who was able to do this until their child turned 18. I guess it depends if ex agrees. It also depends how much inheritance you have. As he may be entitled to some if you are married. Have you tried gingerbread single parent charity for advice?

Sending hugs 🫂. Remember property is an investment. You and your DS can live in comfort, not worry about rent and the value of your home will rise.

If your husband is a high earner you should get decent child support.

Get a good lawyer. Good luck OP.

A court is very unlikely to make the exh pay towards housing OP in a home she can’t afford on her own until the child who has just turned 4 hits 18.

Op is NOT entitled to 50% of husbands assets or pension or marital
assets! She’s entitled to a fair share! Could be more or less BUT they will look at needs and her needs to those assets are now less.

op ex also earns well but they are young, he’s only just started earning those levels and courts don’t give 50% plus to someone who doesn’t want to work full time or use their Ian sssets/ nor should they.

No you’re right, that did raise a huge concern, very odd comment to make. But I chose to ignore that and give her the benefit of the doubt that she’s just in a bad place letting her mind run at 1000mph with future worries.

How much is the inheritance? Could you either buy property now and downsize it in future to release equity or buy two smaller places, one being a small rental property to provide income so you can keep the same lower working hours?

The vitriolic responses on here are unnecessary.

I would disagree.
Everything that this family has, house, incomes, savings, pensions, possible future inheritance, future earning capacity is now at a 50/50 split.

If this poster wishes to keep as much of her inheritance as possible she would need to spend it. Without accumulating another asset that’s also put into any financial disclosure.

Also, if the father wants 50/50 child care and one would hope he does. Then, that’s x2 two bedroom properties and the poster’s inheritance and the sale of the family property is likely to be the assets to fund this.

Maybe she can argue against a clean break and make a claim on his future earnings, but with a tidy sum of money ready for Financial disclosure, I very much doubt that would be given.

Don’t only seek the advice of a lawyer, see also a Financial advisor and ask hypothetical questions. Also, see more than one of both.

I'd be annoyed too, but you don't always get what you want in life. I don't want to get up ridiculously early every day and be stuck in the rat race, but needs must.

Sorry op, but definitely this. Lawyer up and count your blessings, some women would be in a real financial mess if this happened.