I received inheritance 4 weeks before my husband said he was leaving

[Sofie19]

Hi

I received some inheritance from my parents a couple of months ago. I told my husband their house sale went through and I got the money. 4 weeks later he said we should separate and he moved into a rental he had already organized. I'm in my 30s and we have a young son. My lawyers have told me I need to use the inheritance for my future housing needs.

But I don't want to.

I don't want to be forced into using my parent's money for this. I wanted to reduce the hours of my current job and use the inheritance money to supplement my income because I don't want to work long hours. My job has been stressful in the past and I reduced my hours in the past few years and I have been happier and feel I have the right home/work balance. I want to stay working shorter hours so I can be there for my son and enjoy my life.

My husband is a high earner (100k +) for the last year and was obsessed with work. I am on less than 30k. We have a big mortgage which I can't afford on my income alone. I don't know what to do. Honestly, I want to give the inheritance away, flush it down the loo, put it in a trust for my young son, whatever. I feel sick to my core that my husband waited for it before leaving. He used our marriage to build up his income and take a new job and train for his high income. I actually wanted him to stay on the lower paid job. I feel devastated that, whilst it probably isn't part of the matrimonial pot, I will have to use it for my living needs because property prices are high near where we are. I wanted to keep some for my son, keep some for myself for when I am much older and need to supplement my pension and also some for IVF now as a single woman. Some could have gone towards property but nowhere near what is being suggested. My husband could meet his housing needs based on his salary because his borrowing capacity is high but mine isn't and I can't base it on my salary alone / the income I can make from interest.

Is there any way I can get rid of the inheritance? Everywhere I have read says don't spend it because it looks bad. But if it isn't my husband's anyway surely I can do whatever I want with it. I just feel so gutted. I might be coming across as greedy and selfish I know. But ultimately I don't want to be forced to spend it in a certain way, I want to choose how to spend it myself.

I'm widowed, I'm OK for money. I own my home. However I never received any inheritance. The comments about the OP being lucky are because she will be able to make choices that others can't. Even if not enough to purchase a property outright it might be enough for a deposit and a small mortgage. There are many people who aren't in that situation at divorce. Clearly a divorce or death of a spouse completely alters the planned future, however not having financial worries makes it much easier.

I’m not bitter

still think op is unfair and unrealistic in her expectations

You have made that abundantly clearmany, many times. As you always do.

Good

as do you

I have nothing but empathy for the OP.

(Who this thread is about)

OP if you are hell bent on giving it away, I'd be more than happy to receive it.

Of course what you should do is follow your solicitor's advice and buy property for you and your son with it.

Clearly a divorce or death of a spouse completely alters the planned future, however not having financial worries makes it much easier

I've been mortgage free for the last 15 years but as a single parent of 3, all very young at the point of divorce, and no support from the ex, it is absolutely wrong to suggest that there were no financial worries. Money has been a huge worry - I have just been fortunate to have one less financial worry than many women in my situation. The house has needed massive amounts spent in terms of upkeep and continues to be a source of worry in that respect. Should have bought new but hey ho, you live and learn.

OP doesn’t have “no” financial worries - the inheritance is not enough to make her mortgage free and it sounds like CMS may be minimal if her ex wants 50/50.

Exactly

It does, I had a lump sum post divorce, enough to buy where I am now, solved lots more of worry
After some monies enough to renovate which it needed years later

Could people please remember that there is a real woman at the end of this thread, who has lost both her parents in the last two years, whose husband has recently walked out and who had plans for the rest of her life with him, including IVF, which they have been doing recently?

And maybe be a tiny bit kind?

I dont think she sounds entitled.

I think she sounds distressed and like the life she planned has fallen apart so she isnt thinking clearly / logically.

Who actually wants to throw / give away money they need? The distress in the op is pretty palpable.

I disagree, the OP doesn't sound entitled, she sounds bewildered, lost and unhappy and fearful for her and her child's futures.

Of course we are kind, a good of reality is needed too.
She is young enough to hopefully meet someone else, and have another for filling relationship, time will tell.
Naturally some will compare with a much harder times, money buys choice, health too.

If you are kind, then the post wasn’t directed at you.

Naturally, she needs some help from those who really know, citizens advice probably.
She is more fortunate money wise than most

I answered for others too

Did you? That was presumptuous of you, wasn’t it?

Could you use the inheritance to buy mortgage free or put down a huge deposit on something modest to reduce your mortgage?

Having a small mortgage will effectively give you same benefit in being able to afford to reduce your hours. Except that rather than drawing on the capital every month it will be invested and growing.

Which brings us to the final benefit: you’ll be leaving your son in a far better financial position having invested all the money for him rather than giving him a small lump sum.

Ok, I made an assumption, I believe lots are kind

Yes, lots are, some aren’t. My post was directed at the ones that aren’t.

Hope that clears up any confusion.

Get a really good feminist lawyer who will ensure you get a share of your joint assets and pensions. You are probably right in feeling played but in the long run having this money will help set you up for your future.
Wishing things were different shouldn’t be your focus - you need to influence arrangements to suit yourself as much as possible. It will work out in the end.

Some posters are not understanding that he has planned this/secured possibly hidden assets/seen a lawyer/made a (cynical) plan/knows how his future looks and is prepared.

OP has been thrown in the deep end and has been betrayed at a very bad point in her life.

She is not entitled,she has had her world turned upside down.
If she were a milionaire, I would say the same.

Really genuinely mystified by some of the comments on this thread. How people can be saying things like 'you seem entitled' to a woman who has had two recent deaths and her husband leaving her, seemingly in a very calculated way, is beyond me. I never understand when people say you are 'lucky' to have an inheritance in any case! Money can never replace a parent. I have recentlyish gone through a horrible horrible divorce. I didnt have an inheritance as I am actually LUCKY that my parents are still alive and really supported me through a horrible time. In fact, when I allow myself to be melancholy at all I think what I would have done if my parents weren't around. No inheritance would have replaced the amazing support they gave me. The poor OP doesn't have that. She is grappling with unbelievable change in the past two years and quite understandingly holding onto the life she thought she would have had. OP, don't listen to any of the comments which come across as callous and jealous that you have a bit of money. There are very hard times ahead. I think your STBXH is self employed so be very aware he is likely to play down assets and income. Please please get some help and support for your own resilience as you will need it. But please also know - this will pass. Work to let go of the anger. The day I let go of the anger I held towards by exH was the day I was finally free from him. Much love to you.