I received inheritance 4 weeks before my husband said he was leaving

[Sofie19]

Hi

I received some inheritance from my parents a couple of months ago. I told my husband their house sale went through and I got the money. 4 weeks later he said we should separate and he moved into a rental he had already organized. I'm in my 30s and we have a young son. My lawyers have told me I need to use the inheritance for my future housing needs.

But I don't want to.

I don't want to be forced into using my parent's money for this. I wanted to reduce the hours of my current job and use the inheritance money to supplement my income because I don't want to work long hours. My job has been stressful in the past and I reduced my hours in the past few years and I have been happier and feel I have the right home/work balance. I want to stay working shorter hours so I can be there for my son and enjoy my life.

My husband is a high earner (100k +) for the last year and was obsessed with work. I am on less than 30k. We have a big mortgage which I can't afford on my income alone. I don't know what to do. Honestly, I want to give the inheritance away, flush it down the loo, put it in a trust for my young son, whatever. I feel sick to my core that my husband waited for it before leaving. He used our marriage to build up his income and take a new job and train for his high income. I actually wanted him to stay on the lower paid job. I feel devastated that, whilst it probably isn't part of the matrimonial pot, I will have to use it for my living needs because property prices are high near where we are. I wanted to keep some for my son, keep some for myself for when I am much older and need to supplement my pension and also some for IVF now as a single woman. Some could have gone towards property but nowhere near what is being suggested. My husband could meet his housing needs based on his salary because his borrowing capacity is high but mine isn't and I can't base it on my salary alone / the income I can make from interest.

Is there any way I can get rid of the inheritance? Everywhere I have read says don't spend it because it looks bad. But if it isn't my husband's anyway surely I can do whatever I want with it. I just feel so gutted. I might be coming across as greedy and selfish I know. But ultimately I don't want to be forced to spend it in a certain way, I want to choose how to spend it myself.

Poor you. Real lack of empathy on mumsnet today. How awful for you to have lost one or both of your parents recemetly and now your husband is leaving you. One of those things alone would have been awful. Both together! No wonder you are feeling awful. There is some good advice on here. Having the money is better. You need some solid legal advice but you also need some very good counseling for yourself. Use some of the money to get a good cohnsleor to help you navigate through this. There is a way through, I speak from experience. But getting help to let go of your anger, fir your child will help massively. Anger is a huge thing I'm a divorce and will only skew your thinking believe me. Much love and luck to you xxx

So you expect to work part time and have either your husband or benefits top your income up rather than use money you have if your own? Totally unbelievable

you may have helped your husband earn more, but by doing so you’ve benefited from that too! You need to take the inheritance and use it to provide for yourself!

and it’s not right to expect our husband to walk away from all the marital assets when you have a pot of money available to help provide fir your needs!

you are totally unreasonable

What a strange comment. Who looks after any child to any single parents?

You are in a fantastic position. You have been left an inheritance which will vastly improve your life. You have a job. You can afford to live, probably quite well.
I have never received any money or assets in a will. And when I was working I earned nothing like 30k despite doing a very responsible job in the public sector.
You husband will have to support your child, again that is to your benefit. At the moment you are angry, try to think rationally, not out of anger.

No one can make you spend it on a house. But I don't know how you expect to live without a house. What is it you think should happen!?

What a travesty that you’ll have to er, pay for your own living expenses? Work for a living?

Fucking heard it all now. Most people do that without the inheritance which you’re whinging about.

I agree you are being unreasonable but you are also suffering from huge grief - the loss of parents and now the loss of your relationship and the future you thought you had.

The money isn’t the reason he left you and it doesn’t make you worse off over all. It feels like it I am sure. But it doesn’t.

i agree with other posters, get some legal advice and get someone impartial and knowledgeable to talk it through. Although it doesn’t feel like it yet you are in a really good financial position and that’s a luxury.

This.

No legal advice from me but I wanted to commiserate - you’ve lost your parent and now this. I can see why you’re angry. As a pp said, trust your lawyer.

Do you expect the government to fund you reducing your hours op. Just get your parents to hold onto the money.

What a horrible thing to say @PrimalOwl10

i think some of these comments are quite harsh. You’ve just lost one or both parents and now your husbands walked out. This is just horrific and anyone would struggle with this pressure.

Could you use the money to secure housing for you and your child? Is it enough for you to be mortgage free?

With your ex’s wage even if you do 50/50 the disparity in income will mean he’ll pay a hefty amount of child maintenance.

Would it be possible to live on a part time wage if he pays the maintenance and you have no or very little housing costs?

Spend it on housing, OP. A house for your son is more important than a future and IVF for another child...

TBH and I mean this gentle, you should be grateful he isn't trying to get his hands on your inheritance. I've known men and women fight for years in similar situations. Literally divorcing their husband/wife months or weeks after inheritance has been received - and they've managed to successfully get their hands on it in the end.

Get a lawyer and take most of his pension. Presume because your kids are still young you'll be doing most of the upbringing - so you can claim it on that basis.
What a scumbag. Transfer everything you can into a private account he can't access (including 50 per cent of every shared account you have) and get the most expensive lawyer you can NOW

You'll get a decent amount of child maintenance if he has them say EOW.

I think some people are misreading this as the OP's parents sold their house and gifted her some money.

I’m sorry for what you are going through.

The inheritance itself may not be deemed a marital asset. But the fact it exists reduces the ops needs to the marital assets that there are. Rightly so

I can't understand your point of view, surely having money to buy a house outright or massively reduce your mortgage will take a weight off your shoulders knowing you've got less outgoings and therefore you won't need to be earning as much anyway. Your husband will still need to give you child maintenance towards your child regardless of your inheritance, its not taken in to consideration.

When my husband left us, my biggest worry, apart from the kids, was money. I could not see how I could live, run a house etc. you don’t have this. Your parents would want you to look after yourself and their grandchild. Be grateful for what you have and show that H of yours that you can be happy without him.

Can’t speak for England or rest of world but in scots law any gift or inheritance isn’t included in the marital pot. That won’t help if you’re not in Scotland tho.

This.

Tbh I find your post very odd that this is what you’re upset about.

Eh? Are you assuming her parents are alive… yet she’s received an inheritance? 😵‍💫

OP sounds like he’s waited until your inheritance came through on purpose. What a shit. I’m sorry.

Probably not much comfort - I’m sure she doesn’t only want to see her child EOW.

I understand your rage. You had a different life planned out when you got the inheritance. Now you feel desperation and anger that it’s gone, and later you’ll feel grief for the loss of the life you planned.

Maybe, gradually, you may be able to see some benefit in getting the money at this time.

On a side note, if the inheritance is not part of the divorce settlement, will it effect what you get from H at all?

Anyway, it must be a really tough time for you OP. You need time to grieve both the life you had and the life you planned. As well as time to adapt to your new life.
Hoping all the best for you OP.

If you can buy a house outright then you could change jobs, reduce hours because you won't need to fund a mortgage, plus you will always have housing security as it's bought and paid for. It's not as bad as it seems op, this money gives you choices.