I received inheritance 4 weeks before my husband said he was leaving

[Sofie19]

Hi

I received some inheritance from my parents a couple of months ago. I told my husband their house sale went through and I got the money. 4 weeks later he said we should separate and he moved into a rental he had already organized. I'm in my 30s and we have a young son. My lawyers have told me I need to use the inheritance for my future housing needs.

But I don't want to.

I don't want to be forced into using my parent's money for this. I wanted to reduce the hours of my current job and use the inheritance money to supplement my income because I don't want to work long hours. My job has been stressful in the past and I reduced my hours in the past few years and I have been happier and feel I have the right home/work balance. I want to stay working shorter hours so I can be there for my son and enjoy my life.

My husband is a high earner (100k +) for the last year and was obsessed with work. I am on less than 30k. We have a big mortgage which I can't afford on my income alone. I don't know what to do. Honestly, I want to give the inheritance away, flush it down the loo, put it in a trust for my young son, whatever. I feel sick to my core that my husband waited for it before leaving. He used our marriage to build up his income and take a new job and train for his high income. I actually wanted him to stay on the lower paid job. I feel devastated that, whilst it probably isn't part of the matrimonial pot, I will have to use it for my living needs because property prices are high near where we are. I wanted to keep some for my son, keep some for myself for when I am much older and need to supplement my pension and also some for IVF now as a single woman. Some could have gone towards property but nowhere near what is being suggested. My husband could meet his housing needs based on his salary because his borrowing capacity is high but mine isn't and I can't base it on my salary alone / the income I can make from interest.

Is there any way I can get rid of the inheritance? Everywhere I have read says don't spend it because it looks bad. But if it isn't my husband's anyway surely I can do whatever I want with it. I just feel so gutted. I might be coming across as greedy and selfish I know. But ultimately I don't want to be forced to spend it in a certain way, I want to choose how to spend it myself.

Your husband waiting for you to receive the inheritance money may be because he was waiting for you to be in a better position for him to leave. It’s not necessarily for any other reason. Particularly when it doesn’t sound like he is going to try and claim half of it. Without the money, you’d be in a much worse position. The plans you had will need to change.

100k for one year is hardly a lifetime of high earning.

At the end of the day you don’t get to benefit from his income during your marriage, while claiming the marriage is the reason for his earnings, and then view his money as joint but yours as your own. That’s not how it works.

It depends. If you keep the inheritance separate (in a separate bank account or ISA etc) then it is likely that it will not be treated as a matrimonial asset.

In contrast, if you use the inheritance for things that benefit both parties or invest in a property that they both live in then it is more likely that the inheritance will be counted as a matrimonial asset.

However, if there are not enough matrimonial assets then non-matrimonial assets can be used to meet the needs of both parties.

But, what is perhaps more likely in this case, is that it means the OP may get a lower share of the matrimonial assets than she otherwise would.

Without this inheritance, given that her DH is a very high earner, the OP may perhaps have been given 70%-80% of the value of their existing home. With the existence of this inheritance it is more likely that she will get 50%.

The courts do look at all assets that a person has, both matrimonial and non-matrimonial when deciding what to do.

I am sorry he has blindsided you like this op.

But if he had received a huge inheritance just before he left, would you want the court to take that into account?

Delay the money then. It's naive to have timed it like that.

You've had a lot to process with your husband leaving and your parent(s) dying.

I think you are now grieving the loss of the life that you wanted. Realistically, what would have happened if you didn't have this inheritance? Unless you (you and your husband) had a lot in savings you might be struggling to afford to buy anywhere and would be looking at cheap rentals. Not that there is anything wrong with cheap rentals but I'm guessing that is not the lifestyle you are used to either? Having the money gives you options.

How much is the inheritance? Everyone is assuming it's enough to buy a house?

"Matrimonial assets automatically go into the pot of assets to be divided. Non-matrimonial assets - such as an inheritance - do not automatically go in. It may be possible to exclude them completely from the financial arrangement you and your ex agree or from the order a court or arbitrator makes"

Plus remember everything else is part of the matrimonial pot,including every asset, pension, investment, savings, property and every bit of income your stbexh makes

The starting point is 50/50 and could be more in your favour given the disparity in income.

Look at getting every bit of evidence of all his accounts and credit card statements and a valuation of everything you own together or separately
I would also look at getting evidence of when he actually took on the rental he has moved into as that could be before you actually received the monies so it could be construed he left the marriage before the inheritance was paid out or at least show intent that he considered the marriage to be over.

Remember that you could go for 50/50 childcare or you could get CM based on his salary

I would get things like him paying school fees if you intend sending your dc to private school written into the divorce also things like school uniform and after school activities without affecting the CM
I would also say if he has 50/50 or EOW custody arrangements then he has to take your child to these activities.on his weekend.

Look at what it is you want yours and your dc's life to look like and look at realistically (without the inheritance) what the marital pot will look like divided by 2 and try work out what the difference is and how to get it to work

Passed? Do you mean they've died?
It's not clear.

Yes, of course 😱

Whet a ridiculous comment! Plenty of single women have IVF and there’s plenty of single mums in the world anyway with a non-involved ex!

An inheritance usually goes into the joint assets pot.

It's both your money now.

Your parents could have set up a trust fund or similar for your son.
OR you can change their Will - there's a legal term for this- so the money passes directly to your son (but it may be too late now if it's in your account.)

Check with a solicitor.

The dead parents are mentioned a lot. I don't think they are dead? She's only in her 30s. I think they just sold their house and gave her some money. Sorry if I am wrong OP xxx

As usual, so many harsh replies!

I get it. In your mind, you had a plan to reduce your hours, invest the money into a little nest egg and generally use the money to make life a little bit easier and nicer. Instead, you've had the rug pulled from under your feet with no warning. What a coincidence he has waited for the inheritance to come through. These are not the actions of a decent man. Who knows what he is thinking. Perhaps he had a grand plan that you would go back to full on work and build your career and earn £££££. Some men can be very greedy.

Get some good legal advice. Once you have that information, focus on what YOU want for the future. If it's working fewer hours, spending more time with your child and having a savings buffer then make decisions based on that. You might need to look at smaller houses in a cheaper area. Perhaps a fresh start somewhere new?

It feels rubbish now but you have no idea how this is going to pan out long term. In a year or so, you may be very grateful that this has happened. Try to reassure yourself that this will all work out perfectly even if it doesn't seem like that at the moment.

You're strong. You'll be okay.

To be fair, it actually isn't totally clear that the OP is using the term inheritance in the correct/usual way.

First, she said it came from her "parents" rather than "mother" or "father". Possible that they died together, but usually you get inheritance from one person.

Second, she says that the money comes from the sale of their house. Again, possibly she means that this happened as part of closing out the estate but read more like they sold their house and gave the OP some of the proceeds.

It seems possible that the OP is using the term "inheritance" to include money gifted by her parents before their deaths.

You can get early inheritance.

It's a marital asset now. You can't use it to reduce your hours. A court would take a dim view of that if you then think you can fight for a larger share of the rest of marital assets (ie what he has put in)

OP - Just put the money in a bank account where you can collect interest on it until you have stopped grieving and can think clearly again. You are drowning in sadness right now, don't ruin your future for it.

My SM did this to my dad. My dad was an only child and his mother died years ago, father was ill for quite a while - as soon as he passed, like 3 weeks later, she kicked my dad out of the house and sent him to live in his parents house, divorced him and kept the house they had been living in. Both properties had no mortgage and were worth about the same.

Have your parents passed? It's not clear from OP.

Would you not be entitled to a decent sum in regards to child maintenance?

Do you have a house between you to sell so you could downsize? You would be able to split any profit and use for a deposit which may get you a smaller property with a mortgage you could afford and not eat into your inheritance

This is good advice. Even if you have to downsize, the property will be yours alone, and will appreciate in value so you can leave your children more. And you can still work less with no mortgage.

If you just used your inheritance to fund daily life so you can work less, it would dwindle away to nothing.

It’s not clear though? She hasn’t explicitly said her parents have passed (at the same time?). My friend was given her inheritance while her mother was still alive (father passed years earlier). Perhaps OP could clarify.

Of course op would expect to share in inheritance if it was the other way round!
and every one on here would be saying husband was a bastard to try to exclude it, it’s rightly joint, his parents would want you to share it blah blah

typical double standards.

And maybe op ex waneed to leave as op won’t work more ? Who knows

I know.
Really frustrating to see.

I know my BIL inherited, his wife left him, claiming half the courts said no.

A friend her husband left her. She went after his inheritance, again the courts said no.

@Sofie19 you really need legal advice, fast.