I received inheritance 4 weeks before my husband said he was leaving

[Sofie19]

Hi

I received some inheritance from my parents a couple of months ago. I told my husband their house sale went through and I got the money. 4 weeks later he said we should separate and he moved into a rental he had already organized. I'm in my 30s and we have a young son. My lawyers have told me I need to use the inheritance for my future housing needs.

But I don't want to.

I don't want to be forced into using my parent's money for this. I wanted to reduce the hours of my current job and use the inheritance money to supplement my income because I don't want to work long hours. My job has been stressful in the past and I reduced my hours in the past few years and I have been happier and feel I have the right home/work balance. I want to stay working shorter hours so I can be there for my son and enjoy my life.

My husband is a high earner (100k +) for the last year and was obsessed with work. I am on less than 30k. We have a big mortgage which I can't afford on my income alone. I don't know what to do. Honestly, I want to give the inheritance away, flush it down the loo, put it in a trust for my young son, whatever. I feel sick to my core that my husband waited for it before leaving. He used our marriage to build up his income and take a new job and train for his high income. I actually wanted him to stay on the lower paid job. I feel devastated that, whilst it probably isn't part of the matrimonial pot, I will have to use it for my living needs because property prices are high near where we are. I wanted to keep some for my son, keep some for myself for when I am much older and need to supplement my pension and also some for IVF now as a single woman. Some could have gone towards property but nowhere near what is being suggested. My husband could meet his housing needs based on his salary because his borrowing capacity is high but mine isn't and I can't base it on my salary alone / the income I can make from interest.

Is there any way I can get rid of the inheritance? Everywhere I have read says don't spend it because it looks bad. But if it isn't my husband's anyway surely I can do whatever I want with it. I just feel so gutted. I might be coming across as greedy and selfish I know. But ultimately I don't want to be forced to spend it in a certain way, I want to choose how to spend it myself.

I've read it as her parents have downsized and given her an early inheritance not passed away.

You’d class it as a gift then wouldn’t you, not say you’d inherited from your parents,

Your lawyers are right. And IVF is a fools errand. Keep the money to house yourself and your son, and appreciate what you have, not what you aspire to. Except finding a full time job.

@Sofie19 if one or both of your parents have recently passed, its such an emotional time for you and if he has now announced he wants to split is absolutely abhorrent. I dont want to play the guessing game though so there may be other factors that you can consider in this case.

dont let him have access to your inheritance
get legal advice asap
on the E1 form there is a separate section to add in any inheritance etc. so its not a done deal that he would get half
my sister is going through this and her not so DH's inheritance from his nan is not part of the settlement

She didn’t say if her parents are dead, ok? My mum passed away this year oh so sorry to offend you I should say my mum died this year. Happy now?!

Can you aim to live mortgage free? Either by your stbxh signing over his half the house to you and paying if the mortgage or trying to get him to split the house proceeds 66/33 so you have more towards a property for you and ds.
Living mortgage free will make a huge difference.
Then you can work out how much you have to earn to live well and adjust your hours accordingly.
As your stbxh is a high earner I’d assume cms would also be high.

You’ve had a lot hit you in a short space of time so don’t rush into anything. Take your time, plan.

I assumed they had downsized too.

But if they have both died at a similar time then the DH is harsh to do this now.

Hi OP,
Firstly I’m sorry to hear about your parents.
Secondly I’m sorry you are also going through difficult time with your separation.
I just want to say I think you’re in a very fortunate position if I’m being honest , regarding money and having a home .
I too am going through a separation after 15 year relationship though I wasn’t married.
On Tuesday next week I have to go to the council offices to declare myself homeless as ex wants me out . I have been told there’s a minimum 8 week waiting list to get a home so in the meantime I’ll probably be put up in a hotel (I have been told these are not very nice ) and during that time I won’t be able to have my children with me as they have school /college and it might not be in the area I live could be in a different town /city .
I also have severe anxiety and depression which I’ve been dealing with for a few years .
Oh and I was diagnosed with cancer in February this year and I had an operation, been hospitalised 7 times and had to stop treatment due to it damaging my nerves so currently can’t walk at the moment .
What is trying to say is I know sometimes life doesn’t go the way we want it but please realise how fortunate you are to be in the position you are in especially when life throws you curveballs .
If plan A didn’t work remember the alphabet has 25 more letters .

Her parents are dead and her husband’s leaving her? Yeah she’s really fortunate.

I thought inheritance could be treated separately from marital assets - you need a good lawyer OP. Sorry for your loss and the way your bastard husband has treated you

Agree with some PP on this. Either you need a better solicitor or you need to stand firm. If it was 6 years ago shared asset but just before not included, you're asset. Shouldn't be considered in division of equity. As long as you don't try to hide it or use it unless absolutely necessary then it just looks suspicious

OP one more to say that I understand your rage and your ExH to be is nasty. People shouldn't be focusing on the fact that you're getting money, that's not the point, the issue is how your husband is using the fact to his advantage.

And working more than is good for you stinks. But you'll have to rethink everything now, and assess how to meet your housing needs and keep your workload manageable once you know what your entitlements are. Maybe try a different lawyer if the current one doesn't see the problem. Hopefully you'll find a way.

Naive? Yes, they should have been able to see into the future and predict her husband would leave her...

It always amazes me what shits men can be to spouses who've looked after them and supported them, often to their own detriment. This is no exception.

Ffs so negative, so single woman across the world should never have children!!

Haven’t read all of the posts but it isn’t just a question of whether the inheritance is part of the matrimonial pot. Even if it isn’t, a court would see her as having £££ and therefore needing a smaller % of the pot for the future to make sure she is in a sound position.

If OP has just received an inheritance, because of the timings of probate (and house sale, if relevant) then the death probably happened several months ago.

You think he should be forced to stay with her?
Anyone can leave a relationship for whatever reason.
This isn't the 19th century when you are forced to stay married no matter what.

I know it’s hard but be grateful you have an inheritance which gives you options regarding housing. You’ll be entitled to half the equity in your current house won’t you? So you could use it to buy somewhere reasonable for uoirself and your dc.

Nope, but timing the separation so that he gets to pay her less is a really shitty thing to do.

I mean the DH is the one who has worked to fund the family.

This nonsense that someone can’t do their basic full time job without a spouse “sacrificing” to help them is ridiculous and isn’t a narrative that actually helps women.
OP reduced her hours because she wanted to, she didn’t do it for her husband and it’s stupid to suggest she did.

Reduce your hours now and use that money to supplement your PT income. A divorce will take ages anyway and when it gets to that point nobody can go back in time and make you unspend it. Do what you need to do now to keep your sanity at a difficult time

He won’t have to pay her less due to this but it’s 2024 and with a relatively short marriage he never would have had to pay spousal support regardless. The split of assets will be the same as it would have been and he will have a financial and moral obligation to his children.
However OP is unlikely to be entitled to keep the house equity herself and gain so much from the divorce that she can permanently work on a hugely reduced basis.

They are young and have an expensive mortgage, there likely isn’t even a huge amount of equity in the home.

Oh hello, the men have arrived.

There's a reason why men earn more and dominate the workplace at senior management/boardroom level, and that's because they've got to progress their careers and their salaries while their wives have provided support in terms of looking after the kids and household. Yes it's the 21st century, no we don't have gender parity and in fact it's gone backwards over the last few years (in terms of the gender pay gap), if you have a look at the stats. Happy now?

It's an awful situation OP and I'm sorry this is all happening to you.
Most importantly you need to allow yourself time to grieve, adjust and gather yourself.

Legal advice is definitely a must for you. Protect yourself and your son.

You haven't said how much the inheritance is but I'm assuming sizeable if you had all these plans. However, change your thinking, if it's enough to buy a house for you and your son then that's a huge weight off. If you can buy outright with no mortgage then there's a big monthly saving, would that allow you to reduce hours even if less than originally planned?
Property is also an investment for you and your son's future.

Will exh have your son and would that allow you to work some of that time so days you have him can be less hours or days off?

CMS is probably a little way off being agreed but factor that in to your income.

thinking about IVF really isn't needed at this stage, you might not want more dc or could meet someone else and have children with them. Whatever happens panicking over it now isn't what you need.

Spend it on assets such as watch, a ring, paintings, cloths, expensive bags etc.
The shock of your husbands divorce demands spiralled into a depression and the relief you sought was through shopping and gambling, lotto, bingo, scratch cards, slot machines and shopping.

Buy a super expensive bag and purse that got stolen.

After you realised the amount of monies you spent you’ve since come to terms with everything 😉

The assets you buy, buy in cash ideally and don’t declare these. Any large items you buy on a card, these have been away as gifts and you can’t remember who to 🙄 or stolen.

Make sure you purchase things that you can resale after the divorce.

Be sure to speak to your doctor about depression etc. Don’t take the meds.

He has a duty of care to his child and this he can’t get out of.
What he doesn’t want is to pay maintenance to you and will claim 50% of your inheritance despite his income.

Spend it, spend it on stuff but don’t show this stuff off. Stash it.
Seek financial advice of what you can put aside for your child’s future, that can’t be put into a joint income pot.

Spend it hard and fast, depression makes us all behave in various ways. Just don’t use or declare any of these items.

Also, take cash out and deposit in a safe deposit box, as you spent that also.
Ideally this box is not in your name.

Many will disagree with all the above, but if I was you, I’d start squirrelling.
Tell no-one.

This is your parents money, and a gift for your son’s future. Not your husband’s.

Don’t get mad, get even.
I wish you well