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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

I received inheritance 4 weeks before my husband said he was leaving

229 replies

Sofie19 · 02/10/2024 22:53

Hi

I received some inheritance from my parents a couple of months ago. I told my husband their house sale went through and I got the money. 4 weeks later he said we should separate and he moved into a rental he had already organized. I'm in my 30s and we have a young son. My lawyers have told me I need to use the inheritance for my future housing needs.

But I don't want to.

I don't want to be forced into using my parent's money for this. I wanted to reduce the hours of my current job and use the inheritance money to supplement my income because I don't want to work long hours. My job has been stressful in the past and I reduced my hours in the past few years and I have been happier and feel I have the right home/work balance. I want to stay working shorter hours so I can be there for my son and enjoy my life.

My husband is a high earner (100k +) for the last year and was obsessed with work. I am on less than 30k. We have a big mortgage which I can't afford on my income alone. I don't know what to do. Honestly, I want to give the inheritance away, flush it down the loo, put it in a trust for my young son, whatever. I feel sick to my core that my husband waited for it before leaving. He used our marriage to build up his income and take a new job and train for his high income. I actually wanted him to stay on the lower paid job. I feel devastated that, whilst it probably isn't part of the matrimonial pot, I will have to use it for my living needs because property prices are high near where we are. I wanted to keep some for my son, keep some for myself for when I am much older and need to supplement my pension and also some for IVF now as a single woman. Some could have gone towards property but nowhere near what is being suggested. My husband could meet his housing needs based on his salary because his borrowing capacity is high but mine isn't and I can't base it on my salary alone / the income I can make from interest.

Is there any way I can get rid of the inheritance? Everywhere I have read says don't spend it because it looks bad. But if it isn't my husband's anyway surely I can do whatever I want with it. I just feel so gutted. I might be coming across as greedy and selfish I know. But ultimately I don't want to be forced to spend it in a certain way, I want to choose how to spend it myself.

OP posts:
caringcarer · 04/10/2024 11:42

PrimalOwl10 · 03/10/2024 06:13

Do you expect the government to fund you reducing your hours op. Just get your parents to hold onto the money.

OP got inheritance because her parents died.

caringcarer · 04/10/2024 11:54

Sorry you lost your parents and your husband was such a scum bag to wait until you got inheritance to leave you. It never ceased to amaze me how horrible some ex partners can be. Courts often don't count inheritance when everything else goes into the melting pot. Get house valued by 3 separate EA's. Use the average. Check with the bank how much equity is in the house. It's the equity that counts. Find out how much pension contributions you have in your pot and find out how much your husband has. I bet he has more. In divorce you can ask for pension sharing. That means they add both of your pensions together as Nd you'll get half. In reality it means he will have to get some of his pension paid into your pension. You can't get this pension as a cash payment until after you are 55, soon to be 57. You could try to trade using his pension eg. He keeps more of joint pension but you get more equity from house. He'll have to either care for kids 50/50 or pay maintenance for his share of care. It's important you use your inheritance to keep a roof over your DC's head. Use it as a deposit or depending on how much you've got to buy a house outright. You might want to cut back your hours but the reality is you'll probably have to work more hours to keep your DC. A court would expect you to work full time once youngest is in nursery. Get best legal advice you can afford because it is an investment in you getting everything you are entitled to for you and DC. A tip I can give you. When my first DH was feeling guilty after an affair and I divorced him I got him to agree to me having DC every Xmas day and he got Boxing day.

lololulu · 04/10/2024 12:05

@caringcarer

OP got inheritance because her parents died.

  • Do we know this for sure
BlackStrayCat · 04/10/2024 12:11

rtft.
we do.

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