Husband forcing to sell house after split

[Misschattyx]

Hi all I'm really looking for some advice. My auntie's husband left her 4 months ago due to the fact he didn't love her anymore and left. It was a massive shock. They were together 38 years! He moved out and got a rented place. We have since found out there was another women but no evidence this was happening when he was with my aunt and he denies it was. He said it was a silly fling and things hadn't been right at home for a long time and he couldn't put up with it anymore. My aunt can be abit mych at times and gets aggravated wheb things dont go her way and ive seen this first hand when he lived there. Apparently this relationship is over.

Anyway, when he left he was happy for my aunt to stay in the house they shared as he didn't want it. They had 3 years left to pay on the mortgage and it was all theirs and he walked away from it and everything in it. He had nothing but clothes on his back. I helped my aunt emotionally and managed to get uncle some cheap things online or charity shops and both started a life apart, though it was hard going between them. He works but was struggling as the rent is more then the mortgage but was making do and said he was happy how he was But did struggle to afford food etc.

The shocker came yesterday when he told my aunt he now wants to sell the house as he needs the money. My aunt is devastated and doesn't know what to do if she can do anything. She's not sleeping eating and started to drink alcohol at night and I'm worried. She had 2 weeks off work when he left due to stress and this has sent her straight back to that hole. Is there anything she can do? She is going to see a solicitor but this will be a struggle money wise. She's more devastated as this was inheritance for her 2 adult children and now they'll get nothing and they've found it hard going between them both and being there for them both. Can he force her out? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thankyou.

If they are married then they both own the marital home. There are three options. He buys out her share or she buys out his share or it's sold and they split the equity (usually equally).

The starting point is 50/50 of all assets - house, savings, investments, bitcoin, pensions. If he has a big pension and she doesn't, he might give her a bigger share of the house instead of splitting his pension with her. A solicitor will help talk her through it.

Well, a court could order it to be sold yes

whether they will or not will depend on what total assets there are including any equity/savings/oensions etc

but after that long a marriage she’s looking at c50% split of the pot

but both their needs will be considered ( and adult kids inheritance won’t )

Well, it’s not unreasonable, the house half belongs to him and he needs somewhere to live as much as she does. Can she buy him out?

I’ve been with my DH about the same amount of time and were we to divorce, I’d automatically assume we’d have to sell the house and split the proceeds especially as it’s unlikely either of us could afford to buy out the other.

Our adult kids wouldn’t factor into the equation.

Unless she can afford to buy him out then she'll have to accept that it's a joint asset and needs to be sold so they each have a share.

it all depends on a lot of factors and your aunt would be best to have a consultation with a solicitor to find out her options. Your uncle may be able to force a sale if he can’t afford or is struggling to live and if selling will allow them both to buy or rent other housing - the outcome needs to be fair to both parties. They both need adequate housing for themselves and to be able to meet their own living costs and they may need to share the equity in the house for that to happen. However, all their assets will be looked at - savings, pensions, equity in the house, his earnings, her earnings…….as well as factors such as if your aunt gave up work or reduced her earnings to bring up the children - it may be that your aunt is entitled to more of the equity and will be able to buy something smaller or buy him out of his share. A solicitor will be able to advise and your aunt can go from there, it might not be as bad as she fears.

Thankyou for your replies. It is just the home they share and both have equal pensions. My uncle said at first he didn't want anything to do with the home when he left and she can keep it. He never paid towards mortgage as my aunt paid that and he paid some bills etc. His work have now cut wages and has said he's struggling for money once his bills and debts go out. My aunt is absolutely devastated about loosing the home. She's been there the whole time they've been together and he promised her he wanted nothing to do with the home but we obviously knew this was always a possibility. She's now panicking about selling, finding somewhere to live etc. She can't afford to buy him out unfortunately. She's been through so much since he left and just as we get her back on her feet, this happens and there's nothing we can do but support her. I did warn her so many times that this could happen if he continued to struggle with money.

Did he say in writing, in a message etc that he didn’t want the home?

She needs a lawyer asap if he didn’t pay the mortgage a good lawyer will help her and hopefully she won’t have to pay out as much

Why re his not paying the mortgage? Would/should these lawyers help stop a sahm/lower earner woman from having a claim on the marital home?

If she's been paying the mortgage (and the mortgage is only 3 years from being fully paid off) then she's hardly going to be destitute! If she can't buy him out then yes it will mean selling the house but it sounds like they'll both walk away with decent money. She would be wise to seek legal advice and make sure that the settlement is fair but she's burying her head in the sand if she thinks she can just remain in the house.

True - good point I suppose my own issues with a cocklodger got me angry then

She needs to get a solicitor but I expect the marital home will have to be sold and then they can both buy somewhere smaller.

What a mess. Maybe he is beginning to regret his decision to leave. They must be heading towards retirement too. Shame he's behaved this way. Personally I think I'd want to sell up and get somewhere new to live and to never speak to him again

I hate to say it, but she was quite naive to think he'd happily just walk away from everything

The best way to help her is to get her to accept that he’s not doing anything wrong and that moving house doesn’t have to be seen as a disaster. It’s only bricks and mortar after all, it’s the people living in it that make a house your home.

It's sad but not unreasonable they will need to sell up if she can't buy him out. He has presumably been paying towards the mortgage for a long time it's only fair that proceeds get split.

OP I don’t think it changes anything unfortunately but just wondering did your uncle not pay the mortgage while he was with your aunt or did he only stop paying it when he moved out recently? If it’s the former, why not? And is he the father of your aunts adult kids?

it's unfortunate but the way of the world -when a couple split, they split their assets too. Your aunt needs to buy him out or sell up and start again.

How large is the house? If it has been their family hone and their children have now left, the obvious option is to sell so that they can both buy smaller places.

Your aunt should see a solicitor. I would encourage her to start to look forward to her new life and a new place just for herself. In the meantime, has your uncle looked into whether he is entitled to any help with rent or council tax?

Your aunt and uncle will still (potentially) be able to pass on the same amount to their children between them, dependent on care costs when they are older.

I've seen this happen before.

The man has another woman and they imagine themselves starting this new life with her with leather sofas and a black fridge that dispenses ice in a city centre flat and want nothing from their previous life.

When they realise that's unrealistic they come back out of necessity. It was unrealistic of him to declare that she could keep the house.

He never paid the mortgage from what I can gather. She said the agreement was she paid the mortgage and he paid the bills to an equal amount. I told her from the beginning that him walking away from everything didn't seem right to me as he's on a low income and did overtime for the extra pay and the property he is in is £500 rent and onto of that he has debts she was not aware of.

They are his children who have both have their own lives and have struggled to be a go between for each parent as they are both close to both parents and both parents play he said she said. I was contacted by one of his children as she was struggling to cope knowing her dad was living alone and struggling with nothing to his name and her mum heartbroken with the break-up, drinking, and basically being a go between because neither parent will speak to the other. She's tried to be there for both parents but now it's proving hard and I stepped in to take the pressure off her.

My aunt always believed he would stick to his word of allowing her to stay there and wouldn't sell and I tried to tell her he can change his mind at any point. She went down the route of its my home, he's no longer welcome etc and it did turn bitter. I understand my aunt it's heartbreaking how he went about this from the beginning but legally its his home too and he left nothing in writting to say he's happy for her to stay there. I've tried to get her accept so many times that it is his home and legally he can move back if he wanted. He always told his kids he'd never take the home as he's the one who left and they brought it for their inheritance but obviously things have changed with his job and he's now struggling so much he's made this decision.

Gosh, neither of them is thinking clearly / pragmatically, or they are both very naive. He walks out leaving everything behind, without considering how he‘s going to cover his living expenses. Meanwhile it seems never to have occurred to your aunt that marital assets are split when a divorce happens. I don’t envy you trying to help these folks.

I think your aunt is starting to sound unreasonable. Ok she paid the actual mortgage but if he paid bills to an equal amount then why should she be entitled to everything? He will get a solicitor and it sounds like he needs one & so does she.

@PivotPivotmakingmargaritas Don’t be silly, they’ve been married for 38 years. All money is family money. The courts won’t care in whose name the payments were actually made. The house is a joint asset.

I know you didn’t ask, but he was absolutely thinking he would shack up with his new girlfriend, she’s obviously put the kibosh on that now he realises he’s got nowhere to go so has to sell the house.
Which as others have said he’s perfectly entitled to do.