Husband forcing to sell house after split

[Misschattyx]

Hi all I'm really looking for some advice. My auntie's husband left her 4 months ago due to the fact he didn't love her anymore and left. It was a massive shock. They were together 38 years! He moved out and got a rented place. We have since found out there was another women but no evidence this was happening when he was with my aunt and he denies it was. He said it was a silly fling and things hadn't been right at home for a long time and he couldn't put up with it anymore. My aunt can be abit mych at times and gets aggravated wheb things dont go her way and ive seen this first hand when he lived there. Apparently this relationship is over.

Anyway, when he left he was happy for my aunt to stay in the house they shared as he didn't want it. They had 3 years left to pay on the mortgage and it was all theirs and he walked away from it and everything in it. He had nothing but clothes on his back. I helped my aunt emotionally and managed to get uncle some cheap things online or charity shops and both started a life apart, though it was hard going between them. He works but was struggling as the rent is more then the mortgage but was making do and said he was happy how he was But did struggle to afford food etc.

The shocker came yesterday when he told my aunt he now wants to sell the house as he needs the money. My aunt is devastated and doesn't know what to do if she can do anything. She's not sleeping eating and started to drink alcohol at night and I'm worried. She had 2 weeks off work when he left due to stress and this has sent her straight back to that hole. Is there anything she can do? She is going to see a solicitor but this will be a struggle money wise. She's more devastated as this was inheritance for her 2 adult children and now they'll get nothing and they've found it hard going between them both and being there for them both. Can he force her out? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thankyou.

I said she can sell up and buy again somewhere smaller but all I get from her is I'm too old to start again.

It isn't a choice. The sooner she accepts this the better. She is separated and he's going to file for divorce at some point, her life has already changed, she's already starting over and it's going to eventually include living somewhere else unless she wants to buy him out of the current house.

He has said 50/50 and to give some to the children out of each of their money

He can say what he likes, it needs to go through a solicitor and be sorted as part of the divorce. He can do whatever he likes with his share of the divorce money, he shouldn't be mentioning, advising or demanding what she does with her share because it's none of his business.

he is very broke and from what he's said he can't afford much food either now the hours have been cut at work

And who's fault is that? He's been paying rent, so he had money. His choice to spend it on a rental where he could shag the OW instead of on a solicitor to instigate divorce. He's not an innocent party in all of this. He's made poor financial choices and now he's facing the consequences.

If he can't afford to live he should look into claiming universal credit, council tax credit, contact utility companies to check he's on the cheapest deal and ask if there's any help for low income, ask for referrals to food bank from GP and look into community food places in his area where he can obtain cheap food. All that should go some way towards helping fix his situation.

He'll still need a divorce though, I'm not sure UC will be willing to pay towards rent when he owns a house which he could be living in. Lots of people have to live with their STBX until divorce is finalised if finances don't allow for anything else. I noticed someone said your aunt may be abusive and I had wondered that myself, it might change where he's expected to live if true although I don't know how that works. UC can probably tell him though.

I have been very blunt with aunt and told her legally he can move back in if he wanted to and she's making this even harder than it needs to be. The daughter tried to take a step back, even telling them she would not be visiting or ringing them until this is sorted but then her mum will ring her in tears and make her feel bad or she'll text to say tell your dad I've found some clothes of his or a letter can you take them to him etc.
After my post today I've been very blunt with both if them and given some advice from here too. I've told them to both see a solicitor and sort it between themselves and stop getting the children involved by mentioning the other parent.

I've done what was asked by stepping in to help out to take the pressure off but it's now down to them to see a solicitor and get it started. My aunt really did need a kick up the bum and face reality as hard as it is and hopefully she's took it on board but as she's so stubborn I don't hold much hope she has but I've helped as much as I can.

@Hairdyemistake
or he could move back in to his home
that will save him money to start the divorce

That's good op (latest update).
You've shone a light on her reality and the way forward. Which is what she needs as she's emotional and not thinking clearly, so you've done her a favour whether she knows it or not.
Well done.
The rest is up to her, 'you can take a horse to water' etc etc...

If she chooses to dig her heels in and make it all difficult, all she'll do is reduce her own resources along with increasing everyone's stress.

If you can make her even pause to think about it, you'll have added much needed reflection.

They are both grown adults and need to act like it. If this carries on then it will just be a waste of money on solicitors and a lot of bad feeling. It's no longer someone's fault in a divorce like this and that's a good thing.

I would get a few estate agents around and value the house. People get real when the money does, ime

Their daughter rang me in tears this morning on the way to work because her mum rang her lastnight crying one minute and screaming she'll make his life hell

Aunt is drinking. This will be her in a drunken maudlin rage. Your cousin might want to never accept phone calls after a certain time in the evening. Alcohol-opening time, whatever time that is for aunt. Same for pre-1pm, because that's hangover time. If it's important, aunt will call when not suffering the effects of alcohol. If it's a rant she wants it'll be when drunk and if it's a pity party, when hungover. No point in your cousin indulging these. Aunt can't be reasoned with at these times.

I see uncle is in debt. As well as claiming any low income help he's entitled to, he should access help via CAB for debt. He needs to alter his thinking around this. He can afford rent/food/travel/utilities, but he can't afford to pay the debt so should seek help with this.

This sounds smart.

not really it doesn’t

Crap 'advice' from @JustOneLife

The couple contributed equally financially. The house is as much his as hers and he can move back in if he wants. She sounds ridiculous thinking she can somehow keep the house which belongs to both of them without buying him out.

She can tell as many people as she likes that he's an adulterer - it makes no difference, divorce can be no-fault these days and the fact he had a fling won't make a difference financially. Anyway he can go round telling people she was a pain in the arse to live with and very difficult if when things didn't go her way. Inflicting that on your partner for over 30 years is arguably worse than having a fling for a few months.

I don't agree, 'no fault' divorce is one option but it's still possible to choose from the other pre-existing grounds and why shouldn't she?!?

@youmustrememberthis she could, or he could initiate proceedings on the grounds of her unreasonable behaviour as it seems she's been bloody difficult for years. That really isn't a major issue though. Financially they've both contributed equally, the OP said they have equal pension provision, the point is that she seems to think (erroneously) that she can just keep the house without buying him out

No this is wrong. It's irretrievable breakdown caused by a list of factors of which you choose one.

True, either could, my post was because I was more concerned with reading the thread and so many people really believing that the previous grounds for divorce don't exist when they still do.

@youmustrememberthis
No you are wrong.

The only reason for divorce is your marriage has irretrievably broken down. There are no other factors.

Your aunt is very much like my mother I personality. She thinks the world should change so that her life doesn’t have to. She thinks if she finds the magic phrase (your uncle said she could keep the house… she will mention the inheritance… she will drag his name through the adultery mud etc) then she can make it so she doesn’t have to adapt.

Unfortunately, reality disagrees.

Its not a question of who said what, or who has behaved more badly than the other, or who contributed equally! These are moral judgements, not legal ones.

'Can he force her out? Any advice would be greatly appreciated'.
The OP specifically asked for factual advice about her aunt's position, and if her husband could force a sale.

And the fact is he can't, without first initiating and following the legal process for divorce and the reaching a final settlement. Legally, the aunt doesn't need to facilitate this in any way, at least for now. She doesn't need to cooperate because at this point no proceedings have been started by the husband. It might take many years.

You might not agree that this is fair - you might think it is crap - but the advice is simply stating the legal position and process.
And the aunt is well within her legal rights to best utilise this to make her life more tolerable and stay in her home, until circumstances change.

@JustOneLife the house will have to be sold though - so yes, she will be forced out unless she buys him out.

She can refuse to cooperate and try to drag things out, sure, though as most people have pointed out, that would be a stupid course of action, particularly as she wants to leave an inheritance for her kids and going through lengthy legal action is a sure fire way to burn through money. The most sensible thing she could do is accept that the marriage is over and come to an agreement without chucking a big chunk of her assets at lawyers.

The bottom line is though, he can force a sale.

You have no idea if the house will have to be sold - the husband seems to have no funds or inclination to initiate divorce proceedings in the near future.

She doesn't need to try and drag anything out - there is no divorce in progress to drag out. She is still very much legally married. She need do nothing except stay calm and stay put.

Whether it is a stupid course of action depends on her priorities - which seem to be to remain in her home. I suspect she can do this for several, (perhaps even many) years by maintaining the status quo for as long as feasibly possible.

She has absolutely no need of lawyers at all yet - perhaps not for a very long time. There is no legal process underway to discuss with a lawyer.
As she has no plans to initiate divorce, she need only seek legal advice at the appropriate points along the way on an ad hoc basis - if a divorce ever looks likely, which at this time it does not.

Staying calm and staying put at this point, when there is no divorce in the offing, and her husband is failing to act, will have absolutely no impact on the final divorce arrangements. Neither will it impact on her finances.

In fact - her husband should be paying half of the mortgage payment, whether he is living there or not - to preserve his right to his share of the house. The aunt would do well to keep careful records that he has not done so.

I doubt if he'll have an issue with paying half the mortgage as she can then pay half the bills. The OP explained that these come to equal amounts.

He'd be wise to initiate divorce proceedings which doesn't cost a huge amount at all. She can then drag her heels, shout to all her friends about him being an adulterer, carrying on drinking and throw money at going through the courts if she wants. It won't change the outcome which is that the house will be sold. Up to her if she's so bitter she'd rather see the assets thrown away rather than accept the situation and walk away with half.

So she paid the mortgage and he paid the remaining bills of an equal value.

The house is legally owned by both of them.

Regardless of the circumstances of the split he is entitled to half the house. A 50/50 split is totally fair.

They can sell the house and both other separate ways.

In the heat of the moment he may of said she can have the house. But that is not binding.

The uncle is under no obligation to continue to pay bills in this house, though. Electric gas water are all used by the aunt only and she should apply for a single person council tax status if she hasn’t already

Yes, he would be very wise to initiate divorce - but the husband does not seem accustomed to acting wisely, and it seems doubtful he will, or has the means to do so now - but the OP actually asked for advice about her aunt.

She doesn't need to drag her heels - she can just as effectively stay calm and stay put for now, and into the foreseeable future.
She doesn't need to throw any money at the courts or throw her assets away - that would be up to her husband to pursue if he chooses (and pay for), and he is showing no inclination to do so at present.

OP, you mentioned that they had about 3 years to go before the mortgage was paid off. Regardless of who actually paid what, is the mortgage in both their names?

Which is exactly the reason why he should be moving back in!!

Because just now she has no incentive to do anything about the situation and ‘just’ decide to stay put doing nothing whilst her ex is left with nothing, incl what is actually his.

It might sit well with you but imo it’s ethically wrong. And I’d say that for ANY partner that is pulling the rug towards them so much they are basically fleecing their partner.

I agree - yes, he would be wise to move back in. But the OP asked for factual advice for her aunt, and whether the husband could force a sale.

I didn't say whether it sat well with me or not - I simply stated the legal position and how the aunt could utilise it for her own best interests.
Do you think a solicitor would advise the aunt of the ethical position of this situation, or provide factual information on the legal process? Which one would a solicitor base their advice on?

At the moment it would seem that it is actually the husband trying to pull the rug towards himself - by trying to coerce his wife and bypass the established legal process for divorce and division of the marital assets.