Husband forcing to sell house after split

[Misschattyx]

Hi all I'm really looking for some advice. My auntie's husband left her 4 months ago due to the fact he didn't love her anymore and left. It was a massive shock. They were together 38 years! He moved out and got a rented place. We have since found out there was another women but no evidence this was happening when he was with my aunt and he denies it was. He said it was a silly fling and things hadn't been right at home for a long time and he couldn't put up with it anymore. My aunt can be abit mych at times and gets aggravated wheb things dont go her way and ive seen this first hand when he lived there. Apparently this relationship is over.

Anyway, when he left he was happy for my aunt to stay in the house they shared as he didn't want it. They had 3 years left to pay on the mortgage and it was all theirs and he walked away from it and everything in it. He had nothing but clothes on his back. I helped my aunt emotionally and managed to get uncle some cheap things online or charity shops and both started a life apart, though it was hard going between them. He works but was struggling as the rent is more then the mortgage but was making do and said he was happy how he was But did struggle to afford food etc.

The shocker came yesterday when he told my aunt he now wants to sell the house as he needs the money. My aunt is devastated and doesn't know what to do if she can do anything. She's not sleeping eating and started to drink alcohol at night and I'm worried. She had 2 weeks off work when he left due to stress and this has sent her straight back to that hole. Is there anything she can do? She is going to see a solicitor but this will be a struggle money wise. She's more devastated as this was inheritance for her 2 adult children and now they'll get nothing and they've found it hard going between them both and being there for them both. Can he force her out? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thankyou.

That made me chuckle!

A solicitor won't tell her the best thing is to accept the situation and come to a sensible settlement splitting the assets fairly!
It's absolutely in their interests that she digs her heels in and lets the legal fees mount up. Not in her best interests though.

Really? You think that the husband asking for half if the house is not ok when they have similar pension and he actually has debts that she doesn’t have??? You think he is trying to pull the rug towards him and stop her from getting what she is entitled to?

Not everyone goes through courts to get to a financial agreement. Many people come to an arrangement wo Courts involvement or even solicitors.
The very big risk she is taking just now is that he is going to get more and more in debt (remember he can’t manage to buy food for himself). That will be taken into account during the split of finances because there is no financial separation yet - no one has started to proceedings!!

Thats why she needs a solicitor input. She might not want to start divorce proceedings but it might well be in her best interest!

Not everyone goes through the courts, but everyone has to have the arrangement - even if jointly agreed - approved by the court before a financial settlement is concluded.

His debt is very unlikely to be taken into account on divorce. Normally individuals are responsible for their own personal debt in their own name on divorce and settlement, unless they can show it is in fact matrimonial joint debt.
I think the husband would have a very hard time demonstrating that in this case.

Your question - Do I think the husband asking for half the house is not ok?
Not without following the established legal process for liquidating and splitting the marital assets. The process is there to provide proper protections for all parties involved.

Well he can't afford to start it all off. Aunts refusing to start it off. None of them have any funds to to pay any solicitor fees or anything like no savings either. My aunt was under the impression that you pay solicitor fees once the house was sold and not upfront. I absolutely know nothing about anything like this which is why I've stayed out of the legal part and just said the best thing to do is sell and split and start again but if none have any funds until the house is sold....how does it work? Sorry for my complete stupidness in this, hence is to why I'm asking advise. So I'm guessing until they do have funds nothing can ho ahead, is this right. My uncle has said to me he is literally broke once all his bills and debts are paid. He's sold his wedding ring, his phone and got a small cheaper one to get cash to pay for food. He's rang the council and is not entitled to benefits as his name is now on 2 homes and apparently he earns enough to not receive benefits even if that means the wages are gone the same day he gets them.

Its really rough because none of them have funds so from here I don't really know what to suggest. Aunt works and does end up with more than my uncle a month but not enough to cover legal fees.

He needs to move back into their house thereby saving the money he's spending on rent and bills in another property. Then he can afford to start divorce proceedings.

He needs to move back in.

There's literally no incentive for her to do anything so that's his only option.

He probably should have thought of this before leaving. We say to women to get your ducks in a row and sit tight.

There's really not much more to say.

They both sound stubborn - you're best off out of it!

@Misschattyx

In a nutshell concerning the practicalities of the house:

Your aunt is in luck - stay calm and stay put.

Your uncle is out of luck - there is nothing he can do, except move back in and save up.

Give tea and sympathy. It's the best you can do.

@Misschattyx has he looked at how much is needed to start proceedings?

And would he agree to move back to save some money?

Do I think the husband asking for half the house is not ok?
Not without following the established legal process for liquidating and splitting the marital assets. The process is there to provide proper protections for all parties involved.

Maybe you could explain what this legal process is @JustOneLife ? Apart from starting the divorce proceeding of course.

I think you have answered your own question....

I'm assuming you are in England or Wales as Scotland is different. E/W have only the no fault divorce now.

Apply for a divorce online, costs just under £600. You have to have a cooling off period of 20 weeks before you start the actual process. You will have to pay more then but I think it's £59 for court admin. Look on the UK Gov website.

During this time both sides get all their finances collated and fill in Form E(?) where they get bank statements, valuation of house and pensions and car etc, and give the other a copy. They can either decide themselves how to split finances, or pay for mediation. Then they pay a solicitor a one off fee to send the financials to the court to be stamped by a judge making it legal. If they cannot agree even with mediation then it's the very costly solicitors/court option where it's likely both sides end up with nothing.

Both need to take emotion out of it for it to work, hopefully they can see it's better to be a part and happy rather than being angry, fighting and broke.

So there is no complex process right? There is no need to use complex sentence that make things look more daunting and complicated when it’s just about filling a form on the government website.

What is needed is £600. That could easily be put as a common expense of the marriage and paid by CC/loan and reimburse with the sale of the house. There is also some help for people on low wages but I don’t know if your uncle would qualify @Misschattyx

They can get an agreement together with no further cost as long as the aunt decides to not obstruct the proceeding, meaning needing mediation etc….
REGISTERING the agreement so there is full financial separation is essential though.

This might be how it works in practice in some cases, but it is by no means the only route.

There is no requirement to fill in form E, unless directed to do so by a court. Each spouse may choose to do this voluntarily, or not. The couple may decide to dispense with Form E entirely and fill out a simpler form of statement of affairs.

It is incorrect to assert that both sides will likely end up with nothing if they do not resolve things in mediation or decide between themselves. In fact there are number of circumstances where mediation is not at all advised, and divorces still go ahead.

Who bears the cost is often dependent on who is taking the process forward, how much legal advice they seek and to what extent they depend on a solicitor to see the process through.

Yes, they could do all of these things.
Whether that would be in the best interests of the aunt at this time is another matter....

If you think the divorce and financial settlement with non-amicable spouses isn't a complex and very costly process, you are very much mistaken.

Thankyou again for all your responses I've definitely learnt a few things myself. When he left he did try to talk to my aunt about coming to collect his clothes as he was actually staying in a shelter until a friend took him in but aunt refused to let him in. I then made her aware that she couldn't legally stop him but as he had a key he waited for her to go work and went to collect some of his things but from there the eldest picked stuff up and dropped it off as she refused to let him back in and the children didn't want arguments so stepped in.

I've mentioned him moving back for a while but he's concerned about her drinking and kicking off and making things worse. I think she's now starting to realise that she shouldn't have took his word for it that she could keep the house and shouldn't have been so hot headed about him going back to collect clothes and saying he can't cone in my house now etc.

It is incorrect to assert that both sides will likely end up with nothing if they do not resolve things in mediation or decide between themselves.
If they are both broke now with only the house equity left then yes, if they go down the solicitors/court route they will likely end up with nothing. How else are they going to fund it?

They don't need to fund anything together;
They are not required to go down the solicitor/court route together.

The petitioner (in this case the husband) is responsible for covering the cost of the preparation and submission of the divorce paperwork, together with obtaining legal advice and paying the Court fees.
The Respondent will only be responsible for covering their own legal fees, which could be minimal if they take ad hoc advice as an when needed.

the house is a martial asset, regardless of whether he paid the mortgage or not. They will have to sell it and split if 50/50, pensions 50/50 too.

Not until there is a divorce and financial settlement - and that could be years down the line....

are all the advocates of the aunt just sitting tight ignoring the fact that she is going to underpay/default on the remaining 3 years mortgage as she can’t cover bills and mortgage on her on and the uncle doesn’t have spare cash to pay towards either and cover his own rent?

This is a real life problem, not a theoretical exercise. Please address that.

I'm going to ignore a certain argumentative poster.

I hope you've got some reasonably helpful replies OP, that help you and your aunt/uncle find a less stressful pathway towards their new future.

I can't see in any of the OP's posts where she says her aunt is not able to cover the bills or the mortgage, and the OP has not asked for any advice on that.

The OP says her aunt works. She says she can't afford a solicitor - but she has no need of one at present as her husband seems to have no prospect of petitioning for a divorce in the near future.

Hi OP,
This sounds a rough situation all round.
I only wanted to comment on one aspect. If your Uncle has debt and paying it is leaving him unable to feed himself he needs to stop paying non priority debts and take debt advice.

You uncle should contact a free not for profit debt advice charity such as Stepchange or Christians Against Poverty (don't pay for debt advice). They will perhaps advise him to ask for breathing space which is a pause on his lenders seeking repayment while he gets debt advice. Then he will set up with his lenders an affordable repayment plan or token payment.

Not paying debts will have impact on your Uncle's credit file and make it difficult for him to get a mortgage - but having no money for food is not sustainable.

In addition the new mortgage charter allows people to go interest only for 6 months without penalty or impact on their credit file (I believe but do check!!). This might free up a little money for legal advice. Avoiding litigation as far as possible will save them both money so it would be best if they petition for divorce/financial settlement but can agree between them to split the house 50:50 and keep their own pensions for example, otherwise a chunk of their 120k house value will end up going towards the legal action.

I’m going through a divorce after a very long marriage.

Most solicitors are very good at telling you what can be done and what can’t be done. They are very clear headed and explain why decisions can’t be made by your emotions.

I think your aunt needs some straight talking from a solicitor to explain that even if she doesn’t like it, most divorces without young children and complicated finances start at 50/50.

She won’t like it, but she will probably accept it easier from a solicitor. Family can’t help at this time, you’ll just keep going around in circles.

So you need to get her to a solicitor. They often will give a free first consultation. It’s expensive, but you just have to do it.

Using a trained Mediator is less expensive, but you still need a solicitor for some things.

Wikivorce is a very good website.