Husband forcing to sell house after split

[Misschattyx]

Hi all I'm really looking for some advice. My auntie's husband left her 4 months ago due to the fact he didn't love her anymore and left. It was a massive shock. They were together 38 years! He moved out and got a rented place. We have since found out there was another women but no evidence this was happening when he was with my aunt and he denies it was. He said it was a silly fling and things hadn't been right at home for a long time and he couldn't put up with it anymore. My aunt can be abit mych at times and gets aggravated wheb things dont go her way and ive seen this first hand when he lived there. Apparently this relationship is over.

Anyway, when he left he was happy for my aunt to stay in the house they shared as he didn't want it. They had 3 years left to pay on the mortgage and it was all theirs and he walked away from it and everything in it. He had nothing but clothes on his back. I helped my aunt emotionally and managed to get uncle some cheap things online or charity shops and both started a life apart, though it was hard going between them. He works but was struggling as the rent is more then the mortgage but was making do and said he was happy how he was But did struggle to afford food etc.

The shocker came yesterday when he told my aunt he now wants to sell the house as he needs the money. My aunt is devastated and doesn't know what to do if she can do anything. She's not sleeping eating and started to drink alcohol at night and I'm worried. She had 2 weeks off work when he left due to stress and this has sent her straight back to that hole. Is there anything she can do? She is going to see a solicitor but this will be a struggle money wise. She's more devastated as this was inheritance for her 2 adult children and now they'll get nothing and they've found it hard going between them both and being there for them both. Can he force her out? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thankyou.

OP I think if you are involved at all you need to help your aunt come to terms with her new situation

Her marriage is over
The house needs to be sold so both owners can move forward
Obstructing will just cause her more pain and costs in the long run.

He should move back in and crack on with the divorce

She could always buy him out.

The children will still inherit from the separate estates of mum and dad. What makes you say they'll get nothing? Not that inheritance should be expected in the first place.

It's naive of your Aunt to think she can live in the house forever assuming kids are adults now and have moved out.

Yes, indeed he does - but he doesn't have any legal right to force a house sale, without first obtaining a divorce and a financial settlement.

Obstructing - No.

Awaiting her husband to follow the legal process of divorce and financial settlement that he wants, and engaging when necessary - Yes.

He is not perfectly entitled to do this without first obtaining a divorce and a financial order. If he proceeds with this option, of course she will eventually have to accept the outcome. But she is under no obligation to facilitate it up until that point.

Agree the process needs following

but equally if she’s obstinate, refuses to engage with it, stalls and delays beyond reasonableness, he can force it to court, and a judge can order a sale, and even remove her from anything to do with the sale-this is not in her Best interests and will only serve to costs money which she'll lose out of the total pot of assets

better she engages and negotiates in a timely manner

There is no suggestion that she should refuse to engage in the process when it is in her best interests to do so. But that point could be several years away.

The husband has yet to even begin initiating the divorce process. After that, there is the exchange of financial information, negotiation of a settlement, possible mediation; all of which takes months or even years. It is a long process, even if the spouses agree to an amicable arrangement.
There is no benefit to her that I can see in facilitating this at such an early stage.

Just to be clear I am not taking sides I'm helping both equally no matter who is in the wrong or who is right. I've helped my uncle with furniture and food because he was struggling and couldn't see him without things and helping aunt emotionally as she is at the moment more financially stable. I'm trying my best so the children can take a break as they really are suffering. The daughter can't do right from wrong. She visits dad and her mum moans or wishes him dead, she visits dad and gets upset because of his living situation. His other daughter has stayed out of it all so far but the other daughter is taking the flack because she tried to help both sides.

Aunt has said she'll drag her feet as she doesn't want to be the one that starts proceedings but uncle not financially able to start it with the little money he has. So to be honest I don't know where they go from here but it needs to be dealt with between them two but ends up in massive arguments and disagreements then he said she said. I understand both sides but dragging this on is no good for anyone.

She has to scrape the money together to get a solicitor. It should factor in her favor that he never paid any of the mortgage, but without a solicitor any resolution may not be fair to your aunt. Light a fire under her. Tell her to grieve later. Now is the time to protect herself. Wouldn't hurt for her to find her anger.

I have to say I’d find it hard not to advise your uncle and tell him to move back in.
Then he can save money, pay a solicitor and start proceedings in his favour.

Your aunt is deeply unreasonable.
She is going to lose the house - because it will have to be sold.
Her relationship to her dcs, mainly respect I suspect but also from other family members.
And she is likely to end up worse than if she had been reasonable and negotiated with your uncle in the first place.

Maybe signposting her towards a counsellor would be helpful?

Are they both absolutely sure they want to end the marriage? Or are they both stuck in a cycle of years of anger, resentment and hurt that they can't get out of? Could professional help from a marriage counsellor/coach get them past this?
She sounds like she has been difficult to live with for a long time, he sounds as if he has been passive and let things fester instead of addressing it with her directly. He has then run away because it is easier than speaking up, had a fling/exit affair, which has made things worse and given her more reason to despise him.

I am not saying it would be easy, but after nearly 40 years together, is there really no way back? Kids have left home, they have time to work out where they each went wrong and what they want from a marriage. To look at whether they can provide it for each other now and learn a new way of relating to each other.

Your aunt needs to establish what she can afford to stay in the house.

She can be as pissed off as she likes but it won't get her anywhere. Someone needs to have a serious talk to her. The reality is, the law doesn't care how bitter and cross she is. She should seek counselling for this, and honestly grow up and accept that this is happening and she can't keep all of a house that is only half hers.

It's a really small pot to split. £60k is the maximum she'll have to give up. Perhaps uncle would accept £40k as settlement. She'd have to spend £40k (plus the £60k if the house was sold and split) to get a smaller £100k house so it's a sensible starting point for her.

You all need to stop pussy footing round this entitlement she thinks she has. All the hatred in the world is not going to stop the house being sold from under her if she doesn't grow up and accept the situation.

@JustOneLife to say that’s he should only engage when she’s ready m, which might be in several years is completely unreasonable. That is stalling and delaying

the uncle should 100% move back into his home

Isn’t he entitled to move back into the house as it’s partly his?

Would that motivate the aunt to sort it out rather than having to share a home with her STBX @Misschattyx

That's not what I said.

She should engage with the process when it is in her best interests to do so, and when it is reasonably required by the legal process.
She is under no obligation to facilitate a speedy conclusion when her husband hasn't even started with proceedings.

The OP in her opening post asked advice for her aunt, and if the husband could force her out of the house. This is what I was responding to - he can't, because he needs to initiate and follow the legal process, however long it takes. This is not stalling.

Her husband's current lack of funds doesn't give him an opt-out of the legal divorce process, nor a quick access route to liquidate the marital assets by swerving the requirement for a financial settlement.

Can I also add that being in their 60s is not near death! The next generation are going to be working until they are 70 and will not see house prices increase as much as those now in their 50s, 60s, 70s and 80s.
They will do what I’m sure their friends have done etc. see a solicitor, split the assets, and live hopefully for another 30 years at least.

@millymollymoomoo - if the OP had asked for advice on the part of the husband in her opening post - then yes, he should indeed move back into his home!

But the OP can't straddle two opposing horses and guide them on their way without getting hurt herself. She will be blamed for the mess by one or both.

Best just to advise them both to follow the legal process - that's what it's for....him by initiating and following it through when he is able; and her aunt responding and engaging when she must.

Tell both people they need to apologise to their children for their reprehensible behaviour and then just support your cousins.
Ranting and screaming to the adult kids about their father is pathetic. Him gobbing off to them is equally ridiculous.

Oh dear, how sad all round. They both need legal advice. They need to sell the house and split the money if she can’t buy him out. Why she ever thought he would walk away from half the house and not have that in writing, is beyond me. He is currently perfectly entitled to move back in, it’s jointly his house. Also divorce these days is No Fault - her accusing him of adultery or anything else doesn’t happen now and wouldn’t make any difference to the financial settlement. I say get the lawyers in, get it sorted as soon as possible for everyone’s sake and let the dust settle.

Of course they need to both engage the legal process

but trying to delay or stall or only do so when she’s ready which might be years is obstructive and not productive.
bad mouthing and calling all sorts of names is bad for their children and them, only making things more acrimonious and costly , damaging every party

She needs to stop drinking for starters. That's a road to destruction. Hers. If she needs something to help her sleep she can try OTC meds. If she needs medication to cope, full stop, then is a GP appointment for antidepressants. There's no excuse for turning to alcohol. If she's determined to self destruct, keep yourself away, you'll only get hurt and you can't help her if she won't help herself. I'd make an attempt to nip it in the bud by offering to help with getting the GP appointment and being a listening ear, but if she's not interested then leave her to her mess.

The daughter can't do right from wrong.

So advise her to step back then. Her parents are both adults and can sort their own shit out. If her mother wasn't such a bitch her husband maybe wouldn't be divorcing her? If her father wants to do orce her mother he can crack on and do that. There's no reason whatsoever for their DD to be involved in any of their relationship.

His other daughter has stayed out of it all so far...

Very sensible. You and their DD should do the same.

...but the other daughter is taking the flack because she tried to help both sides

Which is where you'll be in a year's time. Why not learn from her mistake and disengage now before your own life/health/finances/family are impacted?

All these people pushing the self-destruct button for no reason, you/they could all just stop.

Yes it's only fair that the house is divided 50:50. Your aunt was naive, I'm afraid, to imagine she could keep the whole house and he would have nothing, we have a no fault divorce system and that's what's right. It doesn't matter who left who.