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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Husband forcing to sell house after split

187 replies

Misschattyx · 25/02/2024 21:41

Hi all I'm really looking for some advice. My auntie's husband left her 4 months ago due to the fact he didn't love her anymore and left. It was a massive shock. They were together 38 years! He moved out and got a rented place. We have since found out there was another women but no evidence this was happening when he was with my aunt and he denies it was. He said it was a silly fling and things hadn't been right at home for a long time and he couldn't put up with it anymore. My aunt can be abit mych at times and gets aggravated wheb things dont go her way and ive seen this first hand when he lived there. Apparently this relationship is over.

Anyway, when he left he was happy for my aunt to stay in the house they shared as he didn't want it. They had 3 years left to pay on the mortgage and it was all theirs and he walked away from it and everything in it. He had nothing but clothes on his back. I helped my aunt emotionally and managed to get uncle some cheap things online or charity shops and both started a life apart, though it was hard going between them. He works but was struggling as the rent is more then the mortgage but was making do and said he was happy how he was But did struggle to afford food etc.

The shocker came yesterday when he told my aunt he now wants to sell the house as he needs the money. My aunt is devastated and doesn't know what to do if she can do anything. She's not sleeping eating and started to drink alcohol at night and I'm worried. She had 2 weeks off work when he left due to stress and this has sent her straight back to that hole. Is there anything she can do? She is going to see a solicitor but this will be a struggle money wise. She's more devastated as this was inheritance for her 2 adult children and now they'll get nothing and they've found it hard going between them both and being there for them both. Can he force her out? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thankyou.

OP posts:
JustOneLife · 27/02/2024 19:53

Iamnotawinp · 27/02/2024 19:50

I’m going through a divorce after a very long marriage.

Most solicitors are very good at telling you what can be done and what can’t be done. They are very clear headed and explain why decisions can’t be made by your emotions.

I think your aunt needs some straight talking from a solicitor to explain that even if she doesn’t like it, most divorces without young children and complicated finances start at 50/50.

She won’t like it, but she will probably accept it easier from a solicitor. Family can’t help at this time, you’ll just keep going around in circles.

So you need to get her to a solicitor. They often will give a free first consultation. It’s expensive, but you just have to do it.

Using a trained Mediator is less expensive, but you still need a solicitor for some things.

Wikivorce is a very good website.

If the husband cannot proceed with petitioning for a divorce, the aunt has no absolutely no need of a solicitor at the present time - perhaps for a very long time.

lizzowhiz · 27/02/2024 20:26

Of course he can petition for divorce - it's not very expensive to start proceedings and if necessary he can move back into his home, save the rent and bills he's paying on a second property and will probably have the cash in a month or so.

OP your aunt is clearly struggling to accept the inevitable outcome.

JustOneLife · 27/02/2024 20:34

lizzowhiz · 27/02/2024 20:26

Of course he can petition for divorce - it's not very expensive to start proceedings and if necessary he can move back into his home, save the rent and bills he's paying on a second property and will probably have the cash in a month or so.

OP your aunt is clearly struggling to accept the inevitable outcome.

The OP states very clearly 'None of them have any funds to to pay any solicitor fees or anything like no savings either'..... and she reiterates the point several times over several posts.....

It's not expensive to start the petition, but to see it to conclusion, including the financial part, with non-amicable spouses can prove very costly indeed for the petitioner.

BlueSkyBlueLife · 27/02/2024 20:43

Misschattyx · 27/02/2024 18:08

Thankyou again for all your responses I've definitely learnt a few things myself. When he left he did try to talk to my aunt about coming to collect his clothes as he was actually staying in a shelter until a friend took him in but aunt refused to let him in. I then made her aware that she couldn't legally stop him but as he had a key he waited for her to go work and went to collect some of his things but from there the eldest picked stuff up and dropped it off as she refused to let him back in and the children didn't want arguments so stepped in.

I've mentioned him moving back for a while but he's concerned about her drinking and kicking off and making things worse. I think she's now starting to realise that she shouldn't have took his word for it that she could keep the house and shouldn't have been so hot headed about him going back to collect clothes and saying he can't cone in my house now etc.

That’s good!
The more down to earth and practical she is, the easier it will be.

She needs to remember that things do NOT have to be acrimonious and that actually the more amicable they are, the better it is. And the cheaper it will be.
She will avoid doing stuff like not letting him go into his own house which was illegal!!

millymollymoomoo · 27/02/2024 21:10

Welll he should move back in as I and others have stated. He has zero choice in this ifaubt simply refuses to engage and discuss.

The uncle can petition online himself and get the ball rolling. This can be done quite easily and he can be a litigant in person / and spend money only when needed. Its absolutely possible to do most work yourself with some guidance along the way.

yes she can draw it out and only engage when it suits her - but that means she has years of living with him only to achieve the sane outcome/ sale of house and 50%

More fool her

SheilaFentiman · 27/02/2024 21:18

Also, if either of them need any kind of finance to get a new place, the more working years they have left, the better

livelovelough24 · 27/02/2024 22:01

While I totally empathize with your aunt and can understand how she may be feeling right now, all I can say is to reiterate what all the posters said, no matter why the marriage broke down, their property is equally his as it is hers.

Also, while it is really nice of you to be supporting her at this difficult time, please remember to set boundaries with her. Some people are prone to over exaggerating, catastrophizing, and in doing so, they can be very selfish and often do not think about others around them. I would tell the same to her kids. While it is nice of them to be supportive they should absolutely not be a go-between in this situation. If your aunt cannot communicate with her exh, she should get a mediator or a lawyer, she should definitely not use her kids or other family members.

JustOneLife · 27/02/2024 22:29

millymollymoomoo · 27/02/2024 21:10

Welll he should move back in as I and others have stated. He has zero choice in this ifaubt simply refuses to engage and discuss.

The uncle can petition online himself and get the ball rolling. This can be done quite easily and he can be a litigant in person / and spend money only when needed. Its absolutely possible to do most work yourself with some guidance along the way.

yes she can draw it out and only engage when it suits her - but that means she has years of living with him only to achieve the sane outcome/ sale of house and 50%

More fool her

I would agree with most of your summary as regards the best course of action for the uncle. But the OP asked for advice about her aunt in her opening post - and it's in her title.

The OP has indicated that the uncle is not willing to move back in, despite her advising him to do so.

Whilst the uncle can petition online himself and get the ball rolling relatively easily for a few hundred pounds, I would strongly disagree that in dealing with an unwilling respondent, it is possible to do most work yourself with some guidance along the way. It is a long, difficult and complex process and a costly one. There are over a quarter of a million people who have not been able to divorce in the UK because of the prohibitive costs involved.

'More fool her' - on the contrary, she seems to have hit on the most effective strategy to protect her own interests and stay in her home unhindered for some time to come.

lizzowhiz · 28/02/2024 07:08

@Misschattyx you say he's worried to move back into his home because of her drinking and the fear she'll kick off. No one should have to be fearful of being in a house they have every right to be in. She sounds like a nightmare, thinking she can get what she wants by that sort of behaviour and it's very unfair on the children too.

millymollymoomoo · 28/02/2024 07:42

I say more fool her yes

because she’s tying herself for years potentially to a man , in the sane house, with emotions and acrimony increasing, not moving on with her life, causing unnecessary hardship and fall out for her children, all to stay in a house that is owned jointly for a bit longer which ultimately she will lose and have to move.

so yes, if that’s what she wants, perfect strategy.

she won’t come out of this positively at all.

better to engage, negotiate and move onto the next chapter of her life.

and the more op writes, the more I think she’s a bully, and no surprise husband left !

millymollymoomoo · 28/02/2024 07:44

snd While uncle currently doesn’t want to move back in - ultimately he’ll have little choice and no other option as he can’t afford rent, nor should he

BlueSkyBlueLife · 28/02/2024 13:16

lizzowhiz · 28/02/2024 07:08

@Misschattyx you say he's worried to move back into his home because of her drinking and the fear she'll kick off. No one should have to be fearful of being in a house they have every right to be in. She sounds like a nightmare, thinking she can get what she wants by that sort of behaviour and it's very unfair on the children too.

⬆️⬆️ this.

Esp adding the fact she didn’t want to let him back in to get his stuff etc…

Your aunt isn’t covering herself in glory there.

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