Husband forcing to sell house after split

[Misschattyx]

Hi all I'm really looking for some advice. My auntie's husband left her 4 months ago due to the fact he didn't love her anymore and left. It was a massive shock. They were together 38 years! He moved out and got a rented place. We have since found out there was another women but no evidence this was happening when he was with my aunt and he denies it was. He said it was a silly fling and things hadn't been right at home for a long time and he couldn't put up with it anymore. My aunt can be abit mych at times and gets aggravated wheb things dont go her way and ive seen this first hand when he lived there. Apparently this relationship is over.

Anyway, when he left he was happy for my aunt to stay in the house they shared as he didn't want it. They had 3 years left to pay on the mortgage and it was all theirs and he walked away from it and everything in it. He had nothing but clothes on his back. I helped my aunt emotionally and managed to get uncle some cheap things online or charity shops and both started a life apart, though it was hard going between them. He works but was struggling as the rent is more then the mortgage but was making do and said he was happy how he was But did struggle to afford food etc.

The shocker came yesterday when he told my aunt he now wants to sell the house as he needs the money. My aunt is devastated and doesn't know what to do if she can do anything. She's not sleeping eating and started to drink alcohol at night and I'm worried. She had 2 weeks off work when he left due to stress and this has sent her straight back to that hole. Is there anything she can do? She is going to see a solicitor but this will be a struggle money wise. She's more devastated as this was inheritance for her 2 adult children and now they'll get nothing and they've found it hard going between them both and being there for them both. Can he force her out? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thankyou.

I think its obvious your aunt isnt going to get to keep the joint marital home - its irrelevant that she wants to keep it for inheritence. As said previously she needs to get legal advice. They need to stop using the children as go betweens, it will not end well.

The inheritance issue makes no sense anyway because firstly, the adult children aren’t entitled to an inheritance and secondly, they will still inherit 2 smaller properties rather than one bigger one (assuming neither parent ends up in a care home).

They need to take the emotion out of the situation, easier said then done I know. And come to an agreement themselves, regarding the financial split, otherwise they will lose more money on lawyers fees etc. better to go to court we an agreement, than let court decide. Which will be more than likely 50/50 split of marital assets in these circumstances. It doesn’t matter who earned the most, who paid the mortgage/bills/food etc. Good luck, wishing your Aunt all the very best for rebuilding her life.

Their adult kids can still inherit but two smaller properties. You said your aunt can be too much when things don't go her way, maybe your uncle didn't want the fight when he moved out, he just wanted to be able to leave.

He has since realised he is struggling and that he is entitled to half the marital assets. It's irrelevant who actually paid the mortgage, they are married and it's joint property.

Your aunt doesn't have the right to utilise the kids as a reason to refuse to sell, they are adults, they will still inherit and they are his kids too.

It is very, very difficult losing your home after a break up, especially a home you've been in for so long, but that's how it goes. Maybe she could start looking round at smaller properties and thinking of the advantages.....less cleaning, lower bills, maybe a different location somewhere she always fancied being...?

She can do this the difficult way by resisting all the way and wasting savings on solicitors -but the only people who win are the solicitors.

She said the agreement was she paid the mortgage and he paid the bills to an equal amount

Then their finances were equal and fair. It's not the case that the person who pays the mortgage has more rights over the house. That would be ridiculous and very many women would be screwed if that was how it worked.

I have seen time and again married couples being shocked that they can't have the same standard of living apart as they could together. Why did your aunt think she could keep the house? The children's inheritance has nothing to do with it.

So they both contributed equally throughout the marriage. One contribution paid the mortgage. One contribution paid their living costs.

The children will still inherit, just a smaller amount from each parent, rather than the whole lot from the former marital home. So the whole "losing their inheritance" is a red herring.

Your uncle was stupid to say he didn't want anything from the house he'd spent his life paying off, when he had no way to house himself. Turns out he does, that's pretty normal.

Your aunt is silly thinking she can just keep 100% of something she's only entitled to (circa) 50% of. Would she be ok gifting him the entire house? Of course not. But is very happy to take this for herself. Very silly to think this would be a long term solution for her when he has a very low income.

If she can't afford to buy him out, she will have to sell. That's what happens. Can she remortgage to pay him off and stay there?

I doubt he's been a cocklodger - they've ended up with equal pensions, which means they must have both been working (including when the now adult DC were small).

Or is this another thing that, in their combined naivety, they haven't checked properly?

I think the best help you can be now is to support on a familial/emotional level, and point them at solicitors to deal with the financial arrangements.

They are both in their 60's and decided to not buy again as the property was last valued at around 120k and both said they feel so old to buy again but that's a decision for them to make I suppose.

It's a 3 bedroom house which my aunt has been saying for years is too big for the 2 of them and hoped one day they could sell together downsize to a nice bungalow. Which I have said she now can do just that but on her own and rebuild her life as she pleases just like my uncle is now doing.

The worse part now is I rang my aunt to check she was OK lastnight and she's turned even more bitter by saying she will sell but then is divorcing on the grounds of him being unfaithful and will drag his name down. Now don't get me wrong she's hurt I completely get she wants to hurt him back but this is not the right way at all.

The above poster is right I think he thought this would be easier, he left without wanting drama, realised he can't afford it and now decided this is the only option and I think he's known he wanted to do this for a while but as aunt is very hot headed, he waited and its gotten messy either way. Their daughter rang me in tears this morning on the way to work because her mum rang her lastnight crying one minute and screaming she'll make his life hell the next then dad rang saying he's not got a choice and he wouldn't be doing it if he wasnt desperate etc. She ended up putting the phone down on both of them. My uncle is very laid back and opts for the easy life and my aunt wants everything there and then and very much stuck in her ways and I do feel this was maybe the lead to the split to be honest as my uncle did say he couldn't put up with how she was acting, her wants and attitude all the time. God help us from here because I have no idea how this will pan out.

The best thing she can do is get some legal advice but it’s reasonable that the house is a joint marital asset so will need to be sold or she buys him out, he’s paid his share through bills and in any case if you’re married then that’s how it works.

The inheritance issue isn’t relevant, the kids can inherit the new property they buy in the same way they’d have inherited the existing one.

Oh and to add the children have told them both they are not bothered by the inheritance or any money. They just want their parents to live happily separately and do not want them to play one off against each other. The eldest has children of her own who are now picking up on things as the grandchildren are very close to their grandparents and are now asking questions she can't really give answers to.

Very common when men leave for another woman they promise everything or a super generous settlement out of guilt/relief or just wanting to cut ties or walk away.
Of course the reality of having no assets and no money quickly bites.

The worse part now is I rang my aunt to check she was OK lastnight and she's turned even more bitter by saying she will sell but then is divorcing on the grounds of him being unfaithful and will drag his name down. Now don't get me wrong she's hurt I completely get she wants to hurt him back but this is not the right way at all.

She might be angry but technically shes not wrong he has left for another woman, so yes she can divorce him for that.

God help us from here because I have no idea how this will pan out.

I think you’re now being as melodramatic as she is, I understand this is a shock and him leaving is very upsetting but the house can be sold and they can both live their lives, lots of people do this.

@determinedtomakethiswork I absolutely agree!

When a couple buy a home, pay all the bills, buy food, etc etc jointly, it's crazy that they imagine they can go their separate ways and maintain the same standard of living.

Dh and I bought our house on the basis of both of us earning. We both contribute to bills. Taking it further, we cook and eat the same meals, we wash our clothes in the same machine, we sit on the same sofa! Why on earth would I expect both of us to afford the same standard of living if we split up and lived in two separate houses? It's bonkers.

The court will go for a no fault divorce so theirs no dragging his name through the courts.

Of course she can tell everyone why he left her.

She is nieve to assume that once the divorce went through all assets weren't going to be split equally.

And actually she is now sounding unreasonable.

He’s entitled to half the house and to be honest she needs to try and do this as amicably as possible unless she wants her share to be eaten up by solicitors fees.
My friends amicable divorce and clean break agreement cost her over £6k another friend hasn’t even got her order and is already at £8k. A work colleague’s acrimonious divorce and clean break financial order cost over £30k.
She needs to wise up and realise how much she could lose if she decides to fight this and if it’s really worth it in the long run. No one tells you before you get married how much it costs to divorce

It's not normal to walk away and want nothing,that alone makes me think your Aunt was much worse than just hard to live with. It sounds much more like she was abusive in some way.

There is probably no point in wasting money trying to delay this. Buy out or sell and split the money are the only two viable options.

Firstly, wow, where is a 3 bed house £120k!

So she can take her 60k and get a 2 bed house for £100k?

A £40k mortgage is hardly the end of the world and not expensive to repay. Your aunt needs to get over her emotions because the courts won't care, callous as that may sound to her.

She can house herself quite easily it seems. Just not entirely free. Like your uncle.

Only thing I'd add is to check what value of pension lump sum that either might be getting in a few years time ... especially since the house is relatively low valued compared to most English properties, so it might be possible to trade off pensions against that.

Surely a three bed house that is too big for her is worth more than £120k, where on earth does she live?

Is she sure the house is only worth £120k ?? Its the kids I now feel sorry for, adult or not its out of order to have your mum crying and screaming down the phone about your dad.Im glad she put the phone down on them both, downright selfish.

I know the price of a 3 bed home for £120k seems amazing, I used to live on the SE coast, now in East Anglia on the coast Gt Yarmouth, Lowestoft, Caister you can buy a 3bed around £100k, needed a big of renovation. Not a chance on the North Coast of Norfolk or Norwich city outskirts, but it is possible in Norfolk generally and in of other areas of the UK.

They're both extremely fortunate to be able to pick up another home so cheaply, to be honest. They must have been able to save loads, surely? The mortgage must have been tiny on a house that's worth £120k now (so must have been in single figures when they bought it).

I'd tell them both to get legal advice and leave it at that. My divorce lawyer said to me 'no-one shows themselves at their best during a divorce' and she was so right.

Although you want to help everyone, it's too easy to allow yourself be drawn in to the drama of a divorce. I'd withdraw a bit, for your own sake.

If you are the higher earner and pool money currently, you might well end up better off as some of your income is not going towards supporting the other person.