I need to leave after what has just happened

[Itshapenned]

I posted a while back in ‘relationships’ under a different name. My (D)H and I have been having issues for a while.

we were at my family’s today. Our DS son had a melt down as he was overtired and overwhelmed and all of a sudden my H came pounding down the corridor and said ‘fucking’ something (I didn’t quite catch what he said) grabbed DS by his jumper so he was in the air and took him outside. My DS screamed for him to put him down and I instantly followed telling my H to let him go. He took him outside where he did calm down but he left a mark on his neck. Family didn’t see as they were in a different room, not that it’s excusable. He then tried to block me from going upstairs as he wanted to talk.

we are now home and DS is asleep. I’ve told him I’m packing a bag and leaving in the morning, but I’ve nowhere to go with 2 young children. He’s now crying on my DS’s bed saying he would never hurt him and he’s sorry, but it’s too little too late.

I genuinely don’t know what to do or where to start, but I can’t hang around in case it happens again.

OP, I assume your last thread was the one where you gave three examples of what was wrong with your husband starting with calling you a "fucking idiot"

If so then I'm glad you are going to LTB.

Can't you go to your family's?

Or could you tell him to leave?

Have you taken photos of the marks?

This has gotten worse since the last post OP, it seem unlikely it is going to get better. Only continue to get worse. I would take photos and also call the helpline the PP mentioned

It has got worse since the last time he did it.

He is testing boundaries to see where you will draw the line.

It will be worse next time unless you protect your child and get rid of him.

You need to call the police. This is horrifying. I thought you were going to say your DS was an older teen (not that it would make this ok!) but he is FIVE YEARS OLD. Your DH could easily kill him. Protect your baby ffs.

A grown man doesn't need your help.

His emotions and behaviours are his own. He is a very weak willed man who acts impulsively and I bet it's only towards those that are vulnerable as he wouldn't do it to a big built bloke.

Get this piece of crap away from your children before he damages them mentally and emotionally as well as physically.

Bruises and cuts heal, the damage done inside of being terrified of your dad can last a lifetime.

If you stay and “help” your husband, your son will have two parents who have let him down.

If he wants to make amends his first port of call is to leave the marital home. He then needs to commit to counselling and parental classes, and then you need a period to decide if you still want to be with him. Only then should you even consider letting back in the house with you.

If you stay you are only adding further trauma onto your poor little boy. The only reasons you could possibly stay are rooted in selfishness. You know this was wrong, you know he’ll do it again. Why are you still there? He is a grown man who is capable of looking after himself, a 5 year old is not. I have a 5 year old and my blood runs cold at the thought of someone treating them like your husband has treated your DS.

Call social services tomorrow and report both incidents and tell them you need help securing housing. They can help you with this as they work closely with housing. If you don’t tell social services it’s likely your child will disclose something at school or to a friend and then they will become involved and be concerned you may not be protective because you’ve hidden the abuse from professionals.

No excuses, he needs to go now before he seriously injures your child. Report it to the police and get the locks changed.

If you don't get him out now, you'll be equally as guilty the next time and there will be a next time.

This is horrific and I don’t understand why you aren’t kicking him out and reporting him for physical abuse of a five year old child?! And why has this been the second time - HOW was him pinning your 5 year old child down not enough for you to realise how dangerous he is? How could you not report this? I’m sorry but you have not protected your child.

thank you all for taking the time to respond. I appreciate your advice. I am going to start by calling woman’s aid in the morning. I am staying in the spare room tonight (I prefer sleeping in here than H because it’s easier for me to feed the baby in the night) and will take both DC out tomorrow so we’re not around him. I just don’t know what happened.

safeguarding my children is the only thing I care about.

@14q yes that was it. I do feel safe (as in no immediate threat tonight), but know that the line has been crossed. I just don’t know how to start getting things in motion when I can’t/wont leave them with him.

Imo you need to report him to the police.. Build up a case against him or he will likely gain unsupervised access to your dc..

What the fuck have I just read??!! He’s 5!!! Fucking 5!!! Why aren’t you calling the police ffs!

If you care about safeguarding your children, call the police and have him removed from the house.

He has abused your child, twice. I am willing to bet my house that these two incidents aren’t the only time he has been abusive to your child. Maybe not physically, but it’s escalating isn’t it?

If you stay with him you are failing to protect your child and are complicit. Get him out the house, now.

safeguarding my children is the only thing I care about

It’s not though is it? This is the second time it’s happened and he’s still in the house. Your poor son. You aren’t protecting him at all.

Good luck OP, as well as Women’s Aid I can also recommend NSPCC, they were really helpful to me in a similar sort of scenario.

thank you @CrapBucket .

Can you ask him to leave? Tell family what has happened so they know why you are splitting up so they can support you

OP tell the police and have HIM removed. I’m sorry you’re going through this.

I also think you should be calling the Police. Firstly, when you separate you need the seriousness of the abuse on record to avoid him having unsupervised contact.

Secondly because he’s abused his own child and should face the consequences of that. Lastly, given how he has now shown violence on two occasions, I would want them to be the ones to remove him from the house to keep you and your children safe.

Why cant you stay and H pack a bag. Its the least he can do

I agree with this.

@Itshapenned

I'm sorry your in this situation but your def doing the right thing.

You will never trust him alone with his dc again

He's obviously acknowledged he needs help but that's not your place to help him,that's his place to help himself whilst you are the decent parent looking after your children and he should be respectful that at least you can be trusted with them.

I hope he's bloody ashamed of himself