My husband is divorcing me. No lawyer, can he make me homeless after final order?

[Delilahsflowers]

Hi there everyone,

My situation is not good and I feel very vulnerable. Any advice I would really appreciate. I am so scared about my future and don’t know what to do. Apologies that my post is long!

My husband of nearly 20 years has applied for divorce this week. Over the last two or three years, he has changed and now broken every marital vow- even giving me a nasty STI that I’ll have for life after using prostitutes. He went on Tinder as well. He has bullied me in many ways, although not physically.

He has also been having an affair for two years I believe and is currently in this relationship after walking out on me and my children at Christmas. I believe it was all planned for months. He bought gifts for this woman in front of my face while lying about who they were for. I found a ‘grab bag’ by his desk for him to stay with her with the gift in. He encouraged her move to London from Glasgow which she has.

He has now issued divorce proceedings via a solicitor this week. He has removed his name from the council tax but says he will still pay it. He is living with his parents but seeing this woman when he works in London during the week.

I have been a full - time mum for many years looking after my 3 children. I also need major abdominal surgery and am only well enough to work part- time. I have now been referred for surgery but it could take months to get my operation as it’s complex.

I do have a job at the moment, but find it stressful and also not right for me, so need to find an alternative. I only started it in November and he left the following month. My health means I am quite weak and I only just manage with my condition. Although my children ( all teenagers) are helping, I’m coping alone in a house that needs constant maintenance.

I am very concerned about 2 things and am at a loss as to what to do now. I have filled in my home rights, benefits etc so that’s all done. I am 50.

1. I have no lawyer. I have no family to ask for financial support at all and no access to any resources. I can’t get a loan as I’ve not worked long enough and am not entitled to legal aid. I can’t find any lawyer who will represent me and be paid later from any equity. I know I may get legal aid for mediation but that’s all I might get.

1. I am very worried that my husband will force me to leave the house once the divorce is finalised. The property is in his name only. I cannot afford to run this house or pay the mortgage which alone is almost more than my wages!

We are currently on a debt management plan after he got us 60k into debt and didn’t tell me. He has only a pension of around 5k and a work pension. There is little equity and took out a secured loan of £35k a few years ago.

He has stated that he wants the house to be sold only once all the children are 18, which is in 3 years as they need a home and to finish their secondary education. But not told me I can stay here until that time.

I believe he might try to return to the house and live here with my children ( and even try to bring in his new girlfriend) while forcing me to vacate and basically be homeless as I can’t afford the bills. We have cats and one he is very fond if so he won’t want to be away from the pets either long term.

My job prospects are not good due to my years caring for the kids, my health and I have no savings or family support.

I literally have nothing or any assets in the house to sell. My wages only pay at the moment towards food, some things for the children plus my own costs such as dentist/ opticians and travel to work.

My concern is that without a lawyer, I cannot get any support at all and I might end up homeless. My husband is very much caught up in this affair, is younger than me and wants now to be free.

I honestly don’t know what to do. I have looked at seeing if I can apply for him to pay a solicitor’s fees - LMPS I think it’s called but I don’t know how to go about it. He is a high earner.

I am sorry to ask so much on this forum but if anyone has any ideas on what I can do legally to protect myself, please say. I know people say that I must get a lawyer- well I just don’t have any resources to.

They charge hundreds per hour and to open a file costs upwards of £500 even as a start.

It might be catastrophing the situation a little but I am very worried. My husband used to be a lovely man but has now got a big job, a big ego and has truly become so hostile towards me, I am stunned.

I would never have guessed that he could have done all he has to me these past two years. If I had known, I would never have married him.

sounds awful - I think in your position I would first of all register on the council housing list in case anything becomes critical

also if not done already, register your home rights www.gov.uk/government/publications/notice-of-home-rights-registration-hr1 asap

Thank you very much for replying

I will register for the council list. I have done my home rights.

You are married? Although house is in his name only that won't matter equity or no equity, you should be classed 50% owner. It does mean that he is entitled to come back to the house. If he does do absolutely nothing for him - no cooking, washing, cleaning, shopping etc.
Have you looked at what if any benefits you might be entitled to? www.gov.uk/benefits-calculators

I know it's hard, but you probably just need to take a breath.

Yes, I’ve been married for almost 20 years.

He is not returning to the house. He is living with his parents.

I am very concerned about what will happen after the divorce, that he wants to return here to live with my children for 3 years until my youngest is 18 and that I’ll be homeless by the end of the year. He is the sole owner. He can’t afford to live elsewhere except his parents’. He is already asking me to pay bills and in a new relationship.

I think any court would say the kids have to stay in the family home until their education is complete.

I have no lawyer to fight for me so I may not be able to dispute any poor settlement he offers me. I can’t afford to pay the mortgage and bills. My wages are very low.

Thank you anyway for your kind words.

“ I think any court would say the kids have to stay in the family home until their education is complete. ”

No, just that they are adequately housed.

“He is already asking me to pay bills”

Sorry, but you should be paying your bills.

“ He is the sole owner”

You’re married, that doesn’t matter.

You need a solicitor I had no money but they did take a charge in the house and that was fine. House is at least 50% yours if not 100% and he will need to pay you a spousal allowance. Please find a good lawyer. Have you any savings £500 would get you started with a good solicitor - post what area and maybe people can suggest

Of course it's worrying but there will be solutions.

Try and contact "rights for women" who maybe able to help with legal organisation who will defer payments.

Do you have access to finances.. mortgage statements, pension, his salary? When you say high earner how much?

The divorce ends the marriage but it's the financial settlement that works out what happens with assets I.e house. Its not usial to grant a divorce (the absolute) until finances resolved. It is a worrying time but there will be a solution. At 50 you will be able to get some level of mortgage.

Are you in England or Scotland?

I did try to explain that I’ve been a stay at home parent for many years and my wages now do not cover all the bills of running the house which are very high.

I’ve also stated my poor health. My husband has left without warning so I have had no time to organise being independent.

Ok, well I will try to get advice from Citizens Advice. Thank you all anyway and I wish you a lovely Easter break.

“He is already asking me to pay bills” Sorry, but you should be paying your bills

He should be paying child maintenance and, very possibly, spousal maintenance. But I'm pretty damn sure he is not. He is demanding she pay bills whilst he is not paying her what he is due to.

Sorry OP that he is such a shit. So many men turn into absolute shits. I know mine did.

Have you been to the CAB? They can help to make sure you are claiming all the benefits you are entitled to.

Where I used to live final year law students would give free advice, you could always see if that is a possibility. If you cannot afford a lawyer you will need to gem up to represent yourself.

I don't really know much about this area and I am so sorry you are in this position. I truly despise men like your husband.

I’m in England. I have no savings unfortunately. I

My wages would be too low to get a mortgage really. The equity is not much due to all the debt.

You need a solicitor. What assets are there? What do you mean by him being a “high earner”?

Please ask citizens advice about your predicament and also whether you qualify for universal credit. You should also be able to get a council tax reduction if your children are under 18. You own half the house through marriage, plus you should be entitled to some of your husbands pension fund. Don't agree to anything without advice, you may be in a better position than you realise. Good luck

Yes my husband has become abusive and I’ve struggled to cope. Thank you 🙏 for being so kind

Try and contact "rights for women" who maybe able to help with legal organisation who will defer payments

Do this. If there is substantial equity in the house your solicitor will definitely get paid as you will definitely get a substantial stake in the house.
You say he has a work pension - this could be worth a substantial amount so you want to make sure you get a fair share of this too.

House is at least 50% yours if not 100%.

Can I ask how the house becomes 100% one person's or the other's? Is it based on need or something? I've only ever seen on here that the house is a joint assest to be split. But you're saying the house could be 100% hers and the husband has to carry on paying all her bills ad infinitum? I guess it's not usual but does this happen?

Well, you’re married. Regardless if he’s the sole name on your home, it’s at least 50% yours. If there are any other assets such as savings and pensions and investments, these are at least half yours too.
Do get legal advice from somewhere as he’ll probably try to con you into thinking everything is his. It isn’t. He’s lied to you for so long, so he’s a devious cunt.

I will ask Citizens advice yes.

He’s told me he can’t afford any more child maintenance than what he is already paying. I have agree for the moment as it does cover the basics.

If there’s no equity and you can’t afford the mortgage or bills you would be looking at moving into a rental property. Have you done an “entitled to” calculation to see what benefits you could get. Unfortunately in the south east you are unlikely to get council housing.

As you are separated you can apply to CMS for child maintenance which will help (it’s free). There’s a calculator online to see what you would get. It’s not great unfortunately but it’s something.

Good luck

Don't agree to anything without advice

Yes, I know a guy who persuaded his wife to divorce him without them using solicitors. She got a tiny amount of his enormous pension (he retired at 50 to live a life of luxury), no spousal maintenance, nothing of any of his other assets. She got the house whilst he kept their second property. She had been a SAHM and still facilitated his working life by doing all the school runs (lived rurally and kids had no transport to and from school). Fucking shit he was, he ripped her off and told everyone how generous he was by giving her the house.

You can ask local universities if they run any legal pro Bono clinics too OP

I will contact rights of women thank you. It’s bank holiday but I’ll email and call next week.

I am totally devastated by what hrs done. If I was healthy, I’d work full time but I have a painful abdominal condition and have to have complex surgery in London by specialists. I am not lazy and have gone back to work as much as I can.

www.gov.uk/calculate-child-maintenance

That’s the online child maintenance calculator

I don’t have a car either and he’s taken that so me and the kids are a big stuck. We live in a small town in Kent so I’m quite isolated especially with no transport.

The equity is not much due to all the debt
Get a lawyer to look into this. I would have thought if those are his personal debts they can't be counted against your legal half of the house? But I a not a lawyer so you do need advice.

I won’t agree to anything without advice.

I will contact universities to see what they say thank you 🙏