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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

My husband is divorcing me. No lawyer, can he make me homeless after final order?

189 replies

Delilahsflowers · 15/04/2022 12:19

Hi there everyone,

My situation is not good and I feel very vulnerable. Any advice I would really appreciate. I am so scared about my future and don’t know what to do. Apologies that my post is long!

My husband of nearly 20 years has applied for divorce this week. Over the last two or three years, he has changed and now broken every marital vow- even giving me a nasty STI that I’ll have for life after using prostitutes. He went on Tinder as well. He has bullied me in many ways, although not physically.

He has also been having an affair for two years I believe and is currently in this relationship after walking out on me and my children at Christmas. I believe it was all planned for months. He bought gifts for this woman in front of my face while lying about who they were for. I found a ‘grab bag’ by his desk for him to stay with her with the gift in. He encouraged her move to London from Glasgow which she has.

He has now issued divorce proceedings via a solicitor this week. He has removed his name from the council tax but says he will still pay it. He is living with his parents but seeing this woman when he works in London during the week.

I have been a full - time mum for many years looking after my 3 children. I also need major abdominal surgery and am only well enough to work part- time. I have now been referred for surgery but it could take months to get my operation as it’s complex.

I do have a job at the moment, but find it stressful and also not right for me, so need to find an alternative. I only started it in November and he left the following month. My health means I am quite weak and I only just manage with my condition. Although my children ( all teenagers) are helping, I’m coping alone in a house that needs constant maintenance.

I am very concerned about 2 things and am at a loss as to what to do now. I have filled in my home rights, benefits etc so that’s all done. I am 50.

  1. I have no lawyer. I have no family to ask for financial support at all and no access to any resources. I can’t get a loan as I’ve not worked long enough and am not entitled to legal aid. I can’t find any lawyer who will represent me and be paid later from any equity. I know I may get legal aid for mediation but that’s all I might get.
  1. I am very worried that my husband will force me to leave the house once the divorce is finalised. The property is in his name only. I cannot afford to run this house or pay the mortgage which alone is almost more than my wages!

We are currently on a debt management plan after he got us 60k into debt and didn’t tell me. He has only a pension of around 5k and a work pension. There is little equity and took out a secured loan of £35k a few years ago.

He has stated that he wants the house to be sold only once all the children are 18, which is in 3 years as they need a home and to finish their secondary education. But not told me I can stay here until that time.

I believe he might try to return to the house and live here with my children ( and even try to bring in his new girlfriend) while forcing me to vacate and basically be homeless as I can’t afford the bills. We have cats and one he is very fond if so he won’t want to be away from the pets either long term.

My job prospects are not good due to my years caring for the kids, my health and I have no savings or family support.

I literally have nothing or any assets in the house to sell. My wages only pay at the moment towards food, some things for the children plus my own costs such as dentist/ opticians and travel to work.

My concern is that without a lawyer, I cannot get any support at all and I might end up homeless. My husband is very much caught up in this affair, is younger than me and wants now to be free.

I honestly don’t know what to do. I have looked at seeing if I can apply for him to pay a solicitor’s fees - LMPS I think it’s called but I don’t know how to go about it. He is a high earner.

I am sorry to ask so much on this forum but if anyone has any ideas on what I can do legally to protect myself, please say. I know people say that I must get a lawyer- well I just don’t have any resources to.

They charge hundreds per hour and to open a file costs upwards of £500 even as a start.

It might be catastrophing the situation a little but I am very worried. My husband used to be a lovely man but has now got a big job, a big ego and has truly become so hostile towards me, I am stunned.

I would never have guessed that he could have done all he has to me these past two years. If I had known, I would never have married him.

OP posts:
Villagewaspbyke · 15/04/2022 13:51

@Delilahsflowers - if there’s not much in the way of assets though there’s not much anyone can do. It’s unlikely you will get spousal maintenance for all period of time abs if there is little equity in the house, you obviously can’t afford to keep it. Rented isn’t the end of the world though and look into benefits.

LunaAndHerMoonDragons · 15/04/2022 13:52

Focus on the immediate,
First step see if there are benefits you're entitled to and apply for anything you qualify for, also apply for child support. Do you currently get child benefit? If not or if it's currently not in your name make sure you apply for it. This website is good for funding out what benefits you can get www.entitledto.co.uk/
While getting the ball rolling on that if your stbxh has left financial documents in the house, things like loan balances, mortgage statements, pension balance, car loan, savings accounts. Make a copy or store them somewhere your Ex can't get. Also look for birth certificates, marriage certificate, passports, whatever's applicable. Basically any financial or legal documents you can find. When you start to feel all those doubts jump up remind yourself you are doing everything you can, he can't just kick you out and make you homeless, focus on the current step and the next step, the practical things you need to do to get through this and come out OK. Good luck with it all.

EatsQuorn · 15/04/2022 13:53

You have been married for 20 years , he has an interest in 50% of What is yours and you have an interest of 50% of his . So that means you split everything 50% each irrespective of if you worked or not.

Villagewaspbyke · 15/04/2022 13:54

@littlelowerdown - all assets put into pot minus all debts. If there is nothing to divide then no one gets anything. If he is a very high earner op might get spousal maintenance but this will come off any benefits anyway so unlikely.

Original poster
Delilahsflowers · 15/04/2022 13:55

Yes his debts are his.

I didn’t know about the large debt- no idea at all. He sat me down 3 years ago and said we don’t have enough money to pay for food and by the way we are 65k -70k in debt and I’m bankrupt. So he went to Stepchange and got a debt mangement plan

OP posts:
Original poster
Delilahsflowers · 15/04/2022 13:56

He salary is 90k plus bonuses.

OP posts:
Original poster
Delilahsflowers · 15/04/2022 13:59

There is fine equity- we have been here 8 years. But not much - the mortgage is 180 still plus his secured loan of 35k.

OP posts:
Villagewaspbyke · 15/04/2022 14:00

That’s not likely to be enough for any significant spousal especially if you need benefits (likely if you are renting in Kent). If he is on a debt management plan it’s unlikely there are any assets but check pensions. Speak to citizens advice and see if you can make an agreement with him that works for you both.

Original poster
Delilahsflowers · 15/04/2022 14:02

He’s taken all the financial documents with him. I have not seen any for quite a while. He’s given me a breakdown of allexpenses but I have no proof as such.

OP posts:
AskingforaBaskin · 15/04/2022 14:02

If you are unable to run the home as a singleton then you may have to look at alternative accommodation.
What are the ages of your children? Are any over 18 and living at home? They can contribute to the bills.

Spousal maintenance can be awarded but it can be rare and won't be a permanent solution.

Use the child maintenance calculator and put the figures and claim in now.

But divorce does mean a change of lifestyle. It's absolutely horrific how you have been treated but the reality is your way of life is absolutely going to drop.

AskingforaBaskin · 15/04/2022 14:03

Who was the car registered to?

Villagewaspbyke · 15/04/2022 14:03

Even if you were to get 100% of equity though op you say you couldn’t pay the mortgage and bills: so sounds like a non starter. You will likely need to sell or give equity to him perhaps for share in his pension (then it won’t stop you getting benefits).

Bananarama21 · 15/04/2022 14:03

Stop mentioning spousal maintenance its rarely awarded. Op once the house sells you need to apply for council or private rented it suckd but many woman have to do it.

RagzRebooted · 15/04/2022 14:08

You will likely have to rent and claim universal credit. But the amount you get will go down a lot when your children are 18 (presumably child maintenance will also stop), so you will have to plan ahead for that stage and either downsize or they will have to contribute financially.

Regardless of what happens with the house etc, you need to plan for being a single parent on a low income. Which means universal credit and renting (ideally from a housing association as rents are so high).

gogohm · 15/04/2022 14:10

As part of the divorce you will need to come up with an agreed split of assets. This is all assets not just the house, usually this is a final settlement unless a very high earner. If there's not sufficient assets for you to keep the house and he gets his share of assets from other sources then the house will need to be sold. My suggestion is you need to talk and see what he's suggesting, my ex immediately offered me 60% of assets and to delay the sale of the house until youngest graduated (3 years at the time), I accepted

Goodbyetowinter · 15/04/2022 14:10

@Delilahsflowers

I don’t have a car either and he’s taken that so me and the kids are a big stuck. We live in a small town in Kent so I’m quite isolated especially with no transport.
The Law School at the University of Kent may be able to help with legal advice. If you can get to Faversham, the West Faversham Community Centre has an advice scheme to help people in your situation. You may be able to claim benefits because of your health.
Original poster
Delilahsflowers · 15/04/2022 14:26

Thank you for all advice. Actually I live in Faversham so I’ll go the community centre. I don’t know they ran a help service.

OP posts:
Original poster
Delilahsflowers · 15/04/2022 14:27

My children are 18,16 and 15

OP posts:
needmorethanthis · 15/04/2022 14:31

You need a solicitor. Find one who will represent you for a charge on your property. Call rights for women.
rightsofwomen.org.uk/
Call all the solicitors. Email them. He’s financially abusing you.

TheBigDilemma · 15/04/2022 14:31

Sorry you are in such position, some very useful stuff I learned from my very contentious divorce process:

  1. he could have slept with the world and it’s dog and be a massively bad parent and husband, but when it comes to splitting the assets it does NOT matter but… it can help for the divorce to go through much quickly even if you don’t want that.

  2. solicitors are very very expensive and you are not going to get all the support you need from pro bono, the CAB or legal aid. The aid that they can provide will be limited so whether you get help for legal fees or not, use your solicitor’s time sparingly. Get The Which Guide to Divorce from Amazon for all the general questions and only use the solicitor for court preparation and questions that are very specific to your case.

  3. As much as you feel like it, don’t use your solicitor time for reassurance (they don’t have a crystal ball, they are only providing indications of possible outcome) or counselling (you can get top of the range counselling for far less than 50% of what your solicitors cost)

  4. Don’t assume he would be asked to pay your legal fees, most likely he won’t.

  5. Don’t expect spousal maintenance unless he is loaded, the court won’t make him pay for what he cannot afford.

  6. Don’t fight to keep the house unless you can buy him out and take over the mortgage. But fight for a higher percentage of the equity as much as you can.

  7. Don’t ever negotiate child maintenance in court, use the CMS. Going through court could be massively expensive and the benefits of an order short lived: either of you can go to the CMS and revert maintenance to the minimum CMS calculation just one year to the day after the court order was issued.

  8. Hold on to your job for dear life. If you are working at least 16 hours and have children you can get far more support than if you are unemployed (you can calculate this at entitled.co.uk). Apply for universal credit ASAP, it may take months to get sorted. Having a job would also allow you to apply for a mortgage, you will get none if you are unemployed even if you have a big deposit.

  9. Benefits won’t help you pay the mortgage but may help you to pay your rent.

Going through this will be difficult but you will manage, so get your fighting attitude on (fake it until you make it and do not succumb to self pity, as tempting or justified it may feel, you need to be strong to go through this)

Original poster
Delilahsflowers · 15/04/2022 14:32

The car is in his name and I don’t drive at the moment although I’m learning .

My concern is that he will force me to leave and live without my children. I can’t possibly afford to rent nearby so I’ll have to leave the area completely. I’ve always been the full time carer.

OP posts:
Bollindger · 15/04/2022 14:36

On 100k a year child maintenace comes out as this,

Your child maintenance
calculation is
£319.64 a week or £1,384.17 a month

I think you should do a proper claim..

AskingforaBaskin · 15/04/2022 14:37

@Delilahsflowers

The car is in his name and I don’t drive at the moment although I’m learning .

My concern is that he will force me to leave and live without my children. I can’t possibly afford to rent nearby so I’ll have to leave the area completely. I’ve always been the full time carer.

Who do the children want to live with. Can you afford to live there?

What properties can you afford? Can you afford to house all 3?

IDontHaveAnOutingHobby · 15/04/2022 14:46

Have you had his pension valued?