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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

My husband is divorcing me. No lawyer, can he make me homeless after final order?

189 replies

Delilahsflowers · 15/04/2022 12:19

Hi there everyone,

My situation is not good and I feel very vulnerable. Any advice I would really appreciate. I am so scared about my future and don’t know what to do. Apologies that my post is long!

My husband of nearly 20 years has applied for divorce this week. Over the last two or three years, he has changed and now broken every marital vow- even giving me a nasty STI that I’ll have for life after using prostitutes. He went on Tinder as well. He has bullied me in many ways, although not physically.

He has also been having an affair for two years I believe and is currently in this relationship after walking out on me and my children at Christmas. I believe it was all planned for months. He bought gifts for this woman in front of my face while lying about who they were for. I found a ‘grab bag’ by his desk for him to stay with her with the gift in. He encouraged her move to London from Glasgow which she has.

He has now issued divorce proceedings via a solicitor this week. He has removed his name from the council tax but says he will still pay it. He is living with his parents but seeing this woman when he works in London during the week.

I have been a full - time mum for many years looking after my 3 children. I also need major abdominal surgery and am only well enough to work part- time. I have now been referred for surgery but it could take months to get my operation as it’s complex.

I do have a job at the moment, but find it stressful and also not right for me, so need to find an alternative. I only started it in November and he left the following month. My health means I am quite weak and I only just manage with my condition. Although my children ( all teenagers) are helping, I’m coping alone in a house that needs constant maintenance.

I am very concerned about 2 things and am at a loss as to what to do now. I have filled in my home rights, benefits etc so that’s all done. I am 50.

  1. I have no lawyer. I have no family to ask for financial support at all and no access to any resources. I can’t get a loan as I’ve not worked long enough and am not entitled to legal aid. I can’t find any lawyer who will represent me and be paid later from any equity. I know I may get legal aid for mediation but that’s all I might get.
  1. I am very worried that my husband will force me to leave the house once the divorce is finalised. The property is in his name only. I cannot afford to run this house or pay the mortgage which alone is almost more than my wages!

We are currently on a debt management plan after he got us 60k into debt and didn’t tell me. He has only a pension of around 5k and a work pension. There is little equity and took out a secured loan of £35k a few years ago.

He has stated that he wants the house to be sold only once all the children are 18, which is in 3 years as they need a home and to finish their secondary education. But not told me I can stay here until that time.

I believe he might try to return to the house and live here with my children ( and even try to bring in his new girlfriend) while forcing me to vacate and basically be homeless as I can’t afford the bills. We have cats and one he is very fond if so he won’t want to be away from the pets either long term.

My job prospects are not good due to my years caring for the kids, my health and I have no savings or family support.

I literally have nothing or any assets in the house to sell. My wages only pay at the moment towards food, some things for the children plus my own costs such as dentist/ opticians and travel to work.

My concern is that without a lawyer, I cannot get any support at all and I might end up homeless. My husband is very much caught up in this affair, is younger than me and wants now to be free.

I honestly don’t know what to do. I have looked at seeing if I can apply for him to pay a solicitor’s fees - LMPS I think it’s called but I don’t know how to go about it. He is a high earner.

I am sorry to ask so much on this forum but if anyone has any ideas on what I can do legally to protect myself, please say. I know people say that I must get a lawyer- well I just don’t have any resources to.

They charge hundreds per hour and to open a file costs upwards of £500 even as a start.

It might be catastrophing the situation a little but I am very worried. My husband used to be a lovely man but has now got a big job, a big ego and has truly become so hostile towards me, I am stunned.

I would never have guessed that he could have done all he has to me these past two years. If I had known, I would never have married him.

OP posts:
Villagewaspbyke · 15/04/2022 14:46

If you are on a low income and have no assets you will get help with rent. Look on the entitled to link someone posted

needmorethanthis · 15/04/2022 14:46

Are you claiming CMS? They can take it directly from his salary. Are you getting child benefit? Are you claiming all the benefits you should be?

needmorethanthis · 15/04/2022 14:47

You are entitled to a share of his pension which will be substantial.

needmorethanthis · 15/04/2022 14:50

samuelphillips.co.uk/blog/need-a-divorce-lawyer-but-have-no-money/

Ring these people

WildBlueAndDitzy · 15/04/2022 14:53

@Delilahsflowers

I will ask Citizens advice yes.

He’s told me he can’t afford any more child maintenance than what he is already paying. I have agree for the moment as it does cover the basics.

He pays what the CMS say he pays, not what he wants to pay. Put in the claim
Original poster
Delilahsflowers · 15/04/2022 14:57

The children want to live with me. I can’t afford anything in the area of Kent where I live, it’s extremely expensive.

No I can’t afford to house them all

OP posts:
WildBlueAndDitzy · 15/04/2022 14:57

Also apply to go in the council house list. You might not get it, but it doesn't hurt to be on the list if you're allowed on it. If things do turn out that you end up homeless through no fault of your own then you'll have additional priority under those rules, your health condition limiting your ability to work will probably help too with priority. Get I the list now if you're allowed, even if they say it'll be 20yrs before you get somewhere, because if your circumstances change then updating your new circumstances with them is quicker than initially getting onto the list

Original poster
Delilahsflowers · 15/04/2022 14:58

Ok I’ll put a claim in for CMS

OP posts:
AskingforaBaskin · 15/04/2022 15:01

You will not be able to claim for the eldest so they will either have to move, pay their way or you will have to afford that as well.

Do you know if they will be spending any time with him?

You say he is paying the council tax. He isn't obligated to do this so ensure that if he cancels this in retaliation you have y the funds to cover it.

Original poster
Delilahsflowers · 15/04/2022 15:03

Ours thank you , I’ll do the council list although once my children are 18, I plan to leave Kent as I can’t afford to live here and I want to move away anyway. I’ll do the things everyone has advised me to do.

OP posts:
AskingforaBaskin · 15/04/2022 15:05

You can do this. Just tackle each task one at a time and don't let him overwhelm you. You can work at a good pace and ensure you are protected.

Original poster
Delilahsflowers · 15/04/2022 15:05

My 18 yr old is going to Uni either here or in London. My husband has said that she can apply for a higher grant to help her as he’s moved out.

OP posts:
Westfacing · 15/04/2022 15:06

I'm sorry that you're in this position - glad that another poster was able to recommend the community law centre in your area that may be able to help you.

I can offer no advice as am long-divorced in different circumstances but I do hope that your sad situation will alert some younger members as to how easy it is to end up so vulnerable:

You are the main carer for three children and as a result you don't earn much; don't drive; you've been married many years but the house and car are in his name only.

I'm in my 60s now and see so many women who just coast along and don't take much of an interest in financial matters then when the husband runs off/dies, in debt, they and their kids are in the shit.

Savvy women with children don't want to 'have it all' they just realise that they have to look after their future!

Thestagshead · 15/04/2022 15:13

Child maintainamce for the two younger is 1185 a month, but that’s assuming they never stay with him, the more they do, the less he pays. As you cannot afford to pay the house and he’s not playing nicely if he wished to live in the house he would not have to pay anything in maintenance if the kids lived with him.

You need to apply for benefits and I’m sorry I think you need to find somewhere to live. It’s highly unlikely he will pay nearly 1200 a month in maintenance permitting you to keep the house.

WildBlueAndDitzy · 15/04/2022 15:14

@Delilahsflowers

My 18 yr old is going to Uni either here or in London. My husband has said that she can apply for a higher grant to help her as he’s moved out.
This 18yr old is going to need a job part time and pick up extra hours in holidays, as a minimum.

Sit them down and have a chat about how you can't afford to support them. If you're renting a house with an extra room for this child they're going to have to contribute towards your rent as well as bills and food. They need to understand the situation you're in before they start taking out loans for uni. Children take parental support for granted and won't understand all the costs involved. An additional adult over 18 costs you in council tax too, with only one adult and under 18 you can get 25 percent discount, so this is another cost the 18yr old will have to contribute to. Going to uni may not be their best option. They deserve the right to make an informed choice, knowing all the facts

WildBlueAndDitzy · 15/04/2022 15:18

You mentioned no family to ask for help. If you have family in another area, apply for the council house list in that area too.

I don't know what your medical condition is but it's possible you'd qualify for PIP so look into that if you haven't already.

How many rooms in this house and what sex are the DC? If they can share a room to enable you to rent one out to a lodger, that might need to be done if its the only way to get the bills paid. If husband isn't there he's not liable for bills, they're yours now.

Ask utility companies about schemes for those on low wages or with health problems

Original poster
Delilahsflowers · 15/04/2022 15:19

He thinks the divorce won’t harm the children as they all older now. That really upsets me as this has happened when I’ve got two children in final year exams.

They are coping but support me. He won’t listen to their pleas to stop him doing this. My children are angry, shocked and my son is not sleeping at all well.

It’s because he’s with another woman and I’ve told them nothing they say will make any difference.

He is seeing them either once a fortnight or every weekend. I let them make arrangements with him obviously but he’s also putting me under a lot of pressure to constantly take them out. I think it’s because he knows he is planning on returning to the house after the divorce.

He appears very happy and smug. I did let him back to “ co - parent” as I wanted to save our marriage if possible but he kept on blaming me and just still wanted sex.

He didn’t say what he wanted from that situation except he returned for “peace” to be with the kids and house- but that our marriage was “parked” and he still wanted a divorce. It has been awful, absolutely awful.

OP posts:
Original poster
Delilahsflowers · 15/04/2022 15:21

I have no family here unfortunately but I have cousins in another area. I could try the council list for that, thank you .

OP posts:
Original poster
Delilahsflowers · 15/04/2022 15:24

My children have a bedroom each but the house is very small. I’m not sure how we would all manage with a lodger. I did think about it or a refugee but my house is really only suitable for a family. I will keep it mind though.

OP posts:
Original poster
Delilahsflowers · 15/04/2022 15:27

I have checked and I don’t qualify for PIP. I can do all the basics for myself. My condition is limiting for me, painful and I can’t do things like ride a bike, swim or run much but I can walk normally.

OP posts:
WildBlueAndDitzy · 15/04/2022 15:28

I meant to say family in another area counts as a local connection there for getting on the council housing list

Stay on the list even if you get private rented now, because one of the factors is how long you've been on the list (if everything else is equal for need, they look at this). When you're old and if all you've got is state pension, you're going to be fucked if housing benefit doesn't cover rent. With private rent even maximum housing benefit rarely covers rent, with social housing rent is not higher than housing benefit.

WildBlueAndDitzy · 15/04/2022 15:34

@Delilahsflowers

I have checked and I don’t qualify for PIP. I can do all the basics for myself. My condition is limiting for me, painful and I can’t do things like ride a bike, swim or run much but I can walk normally.
Fair enough, I didn't know if you had care needs. PIP is based on your need not if you actually receive care or not.

If nothing else it probably means universal credit won't expect you to work full time, if your condition has a limiting effect on your ability to work, so definitely tell them for the claim.

PS for the record, your husband is a shit

Villagewaspbyke · 15/04/2022 15:35

@WildBlueAndDitzy students don’t count as an extra adult for council tax so that won’t be an issue for op.

Original poster
Delilahsflowers · 15/04/2022 15:38

I’ll call Samuel Phillips thanks for the link .

I will have a chat to my children especially my oldest about bills and council tax. Thank you 🙏

OP posts:
lonelydad2021 · 15/04/2022 15:44

@Delilahsflowers

The children want to live with me. I can’t afford anything in the area of Kent where I live, it’s extremely expensive.

No I can’t afford to house them all

Apply for universal credit. If you are in a low salary, UC will cover most of of your rent. Google entitledto website. Child maintenance doesn't affect universal credit.