Dear friends, happy 2022! Let this be a year of change for you all!
I have been checking MN through out the holidays but did not feel like posting as I had written plenty already and thought to give some other people a chance to chime in. I guess I needed a little break too. I see that in the meantime, this amazing thread, (thank you @lemonmeringue85 for starting it and please do start a new one as this one is nearing its 1000th post), has attracted many new posters. I would like to welcome the new friends and say, we are happy that you are joining us here, but I am sad at the same time to see how many of us out there are in the same boat. I wish I can reply to each one of your posts, but to save space I will just make a few points (sorry for the long post):
**As women we tend to feel guilty and accept all responsibilities for the breaking of the marriage, but remember, it takes two to tango, so I do not think it is all your fault that the union is not as strong as you want it to be. If your husbands were indeed amazing human beings you would not want to separate from them, would you. Are they really so amazing? Do they share responsibilities in the house? Do they tell you they love you? Do they show you they love you? Do they listen, really listen to you? Do they take you out? Do they buy you flowers, remember your anniversary? Do they respect and appreciate you? Do they appreciate your family? Ask yourself these questions and see where you land.
**Divorce by itself does not have to be harmful to the children. It is not the end of anything, it is just a new beginning. If parents continue to be loving and supporting to the kids and work together having the kids wellbeing in mind, everything should be ok. I know that some kids do take it harder than others as we are all different, but they mostly pick up on your own emotions and so it is important that you are ok with all of it, do not look at it as devastating and do not blame yourself for the breakage. These things happen you know, not every marriage is destined to last forever and to be honest, a lot of those that do are not that great. People are often miserable, and stay married for all the wrong reasons.
**Remember, it will get worse before it gets better. This period until you tell your partners that you want to end your marriage and the period after until they or you move out will be very hard. You will feel sick, you will feel anxious, it may feel unbearable, but once it is over you will feel like a whole new person. I once described this process of separation as a childbirth, in one of my posts and it is true. The idea of separation is like a child in your womb, once it is planted it starts to grow and eventually it has to be “born”, it has to come out and come out it will. Just like a childbirth, the process will be painful and almost unbearable, but once it is out you will feel a tremendous relief and almost immediately you will be able to move on and towards the better life for you and everyone around you, especially your children.
I wish I can be there in RL for you, to hold you hand, to give you a hug, I know I really needed this as I did not have a lot of support either, but being on MN helped me immensely, reading other people’s posts and posting myself helped me move things forward. I hope.. I KNOW you will get there, just keep moving in the right direction, stay strong, be brave and trust that all will be well. You CAN do this. Just remember you deserve to be happy.