Further support for those starting the divorce process

[NotJanine]

New thread so we can carry on supporting each other

Pandora, well done for keeping calm - what a tosser.

We're so close to having the i's dotted and the t's crossed it's worth every moment of biting my tongue.

Signed up with 5 estate agents this afternoon. I know exactly what I want, just have to hope one comes up at the right time and price. Have said to EAs that if one does come on I'm willing to offer immediately without viewing (know these flats well already) so hopefully fate will smile on me.

Pandora - fingers crossed for you. I know what you mean about biting your tongue. It's so tempting to let rip sometimes. I have visions of telling him exactly what I mean when it's all done and dusted. It will fall on deaf ears though.

The fuckers borrowed my car again. Trying to keep the peace. I don't want another of his tantrums

I need to hear more about grey rock so I can practise it with my mum.

I've lost 4lb in the last 12 days, thanks to fairly considerable effort (I have a severely underactive thyroid). Made pancakes as a treat this morning and was was subjected to 40 minutes of lecture and insults about my weight and now mum is in tears and playing the victim.

I'm 'on' at the moment after a stressful week at work and with CC - have raging PMT and feel like I've been kicked in the back by a shire horse. Have to run round doing stuff with/for DD this morning and I'll I want is to have a peaceful afternoon at home. No bloody chance .

Parents are meant to be going put tonight for the first time since we've lived here and now making noises about cancelling. Just want to cry.

Christ I know what you mean about time to yourself. I get fucking none. I escaped to dbs last weekend, which was 3 hours away!

I'll have a look for a grey rock link.

lovefraud.com/the-gray-rock-method-of-dealing-with-psychopaths/

Hope everyone finds a little bit of peace somewhere in the weekend.

Pandora, I think I might be at the same stage as you - he is almost ready to tell me his final offer and he's doing things around the house to get it up for sale. I'm itching to go and view houses. The one I want is dependant of him giving me a bit more cash v pension and I know the style of house very well as a good friend of mine lives in one and I helped her with the interior design. I am getting so excited I can't wait.

This morning however he started being a pain so that has brought me back down to earth and with the realisation that he could just be playing me with regards to his offer. I've got my usual 4 hour shift at work this afternoon which will help relax me a bit.

I went to see Dirty Dancing at the theatre on Monday and it was brill so tonight I might just have to open a bottle of wine and get the DVD on.

I'm off now to look at GreyRock's link.

Thanks for the link Grey - will read that later this afternoon.

Things a bit calmer here and it looks like The Olds are still going out. Phew!

Jaffa we'll be getting a flat, almost definitely (good old SE house prices) but there are some nearby - 4 to a 'block', self contained, 2 double bedrooms and the GF ones have private gardens. They also have allocated parking and are handy for shops, public transport and GP. It's the area I grew up in which hasn't been so popular in recent years, hence them being in budget.

3 have sold recently though so just have to cross fingers and wait.There's about 40 altogether so 20 GF and quite a few owned by landlords but EA I spoke to yesterday said some are trying to reduce their portfolios due to changes in legislation so reckons there will be more in general on the market once the election is out of the way which would be perfect timing for me.

In the meantime I think I've found a Fathers Day present for Captain Cactus ...

Don't know where the pic went.

Pandora, so glad you are keeping a sense of humour! So sorry about your mum, I feel for you as I am treasuring a quiet house when dc with ex..its such a positive of the separation.I am Peri and pms seems to get worse esp when stressed.I take a low dose AD from mid cycle and that seems to help stabilise moods.

Hope everyone else manages to enjoy the weekend.

Hi, sorry I've not read other posts. I've got moved in to rental - with some drama (he's to take one of my helpers to A&E mid-move but he's fine). Got stbxh to move the beds - he messed me about on Friday preventing me moving the beds and I think me bursting into tears about how "I just want to leave and he keeps delaying it" in front of his girlfriend was a motivator for him to start helping.

I have no broadband though so might not get on much until it's installed at the new place (posting now from old house while I take a break from lifting bags of clothes).

Hope you're all ok and I'll catch up as soon as I can.

Glad to hear you've managed to move out Help even if it wasn't 100% straight forward. How are you feeling now?

CC seems to be absolutely determined to not let me within 100yards of the GF. I'm increasingly convinced that he's lied through his teeth about me and our break up and is shitting himself that I'll blow his stories wide open.

I'm sorely tempted to pop round and visit her when I know he's otherwise engaged. I've no desire to mess with their relationship but don't particularly want her thinking I'm some kind of She Devil and tbh would really like to put a rocket up his sorry arse!

Probably best to wait until everything's sorted though so he can't be a twat about it.

Well done HelpLTB. Moving is stressful enough without a divorce and OW in the background. Be kind to yourself. You can now shut your own front door and start to heal.

Hermonie - I used to have killer PMS. It's awful. I'm peri atm. It's shit. Delightful hairs, night sweats and sagging south. Grim. I'm trying to be positive as I don't have many physical problems with it, which I'm grateful for. I'm on ADs permanently. Have been for years. But I know when I'm free and in recovery, I will be gradually coming off them. I seem to be perfectly happy when fuckwits not around.

Pandora - love the Father's Day pressie! May I suggest: step away from the GF? She will find out the truth of the matter eventually. And even if she doesn't, he will show his true colours. Their drama, you're free!

It's been relatively quiet with fuckwit. Trying to keep myself busy and not chew things over. Have been reading up on helpful stuff I've got the months trial with kindle unlimited. Making the most if my time whilst hiding away in my room.

May I suggest: step away from the GF?

Indeed you may...tbh I'm basically just a nosey cow . DD is spending the day with them both next weekend and she'll no doubt report back anyway!

I've also been on AD'S for years, depression and more recently anxiety compounded by the aforementioned thyroid issues. Have had to double AD's and throw the occasional small dose of diazepam into the mix since the beginning of the year but hope to get back to where I was at least once all this is over.

Had my hormone levels tested last year as thought I may be heading for PM (only have one ovary so thought it might have hit a bit earlier) but came back clear so I guess it's just stress and classic PMT driving me nuts!

Also. Have been thinking...would any of you be up for starting a private (secret) FB group?

Feel free to PM me if you fancy it but don't want to say so on here.

Hi all good to hear the news, well done Helper, sympathise with all your PMS/PERI stuff though I was well past it all some symptoms have reappeared! Though I'm still lucky with sleeping OK. But am sat here weeping, though also laughing at Pandora s photo. Why? Cos I just found this, the little stick that changed my life forever in 1991. Mustn't forget what we've achieved, no-one else could've done it! And yes, time it went in the bin! Quite funny really.

I kept mine for years too

Good to here I'm not the only sentimental twerp Pan.
Went out with friends last night Utes's good. Then solicitor has emailed saying to fill in a form to get decree nisi. It's so weird being still the same living situation yet everything is different...

I still have the scrapbook with a photo of it!

Estate agents today. I turned up unannounced but went ok. He and the GF have actually done a pretty good job although it's not to my taste.

We've agreed on an estate agent and asking price - subject to Consent Order it's going on the market by the end of next week.

Can I join in please? Have been lurking for a few months since telling X that I don't love him any more. Somehow managed to get through mediation and (reluctantly) agree everything to save on legal fees, house on the market, and divorce petition arrived today which is making me feel very emotional even though I'm the one wanting it. Kids are ok which is the main thing, and I have some wonderful family and friends seeing me through.

Hi all.

Oooooh to Vienna and Amsterdam. Both fantastic cities. I've also been booking - the DCs and I are going away on an activities hol with two other families (met via school gates) next Easter. The children (9 altogether, aged 11-17) are all sports mad so it should be fun. The other two mums and I have been checking out the price of alcohol!

My nisi is due very soon. Now need to sort out the consent order before the decree absolute. We've agreed terms - so is the Form E essential?

Pandora your situation (only child to elderly parents) is similar to mine and you were lovely to me when I joined here in December. I'm glad that you're nearly in a position to buy a flat. I hope something comes up asap. I think that mid/late June will be key - post election but pre summer slump.

Aw, thank you Treetop .

It's exciting but nerve-wracking. I know I shouldn't have but I've really set my heart on that particular development of flats that I mentioned, so I'm desperately hoping fate throws me a bone. In the meantime I'm doing a lot of fantasy shopping online! I've have largely designed the entire place already.

Draft Consent Order came through via email a couple of hours ago so have just read and inwardly digested that and all seems ok.

Welcome plasticcheese. It sounds like you're doing pretty well on the practical front and great that the kids are coping. How old are they if you don't mind my asking? My DD is nearly 13 - was coming up 12 when we split. She's has some counselling and is doing incredibly well under the circumstances.

It is emotional even if it's your choice (it was also mine). However much you know it's the right thing it's still sad and disappointing and worrying, and I certainly found myself feeling guilty and sorry for him, even though he was an emotionally abusive twat on and off throughout our marriage and consistently for the last year of it.

Then I found I was getting angry at myself for feeling that way. It certainly is a roller coaster of emotions!

Hello all

Just saw that pic of the pencils and let out a snort fantastic!

I am hopeful that the consent order will be sent to wasband this week for signing. I think I'm going to need to get a cheque book for paying the court fee. I just never got given one by the bank and haven't missed it.

Went for therapy session this afternoon and she (proper qualified psychologist) told me she thinks he has a personality disorder, possibly narcissistic. Also told me that she has trouble saying that word and a patient once misheard it as 'nasty shit'...

Treetop - we haven't done the form E s. The solicitor can't give you advice without them but they're not essential.