Further support for those starting the divorce process

[NotJanine]

New thread so we can carry on supporting each other

Hi everyone. Form E have been exchanged. Stbxh wants me to either buy him out or the family home sold. My boys will be devastated. In 3 months they have had to get used to us seperating, him leaving, being introduced to the new partner and now the possibility of loosing their home

@notsureifiamwell, can you not tell them until you're sure you HAVE to sell?

They are 14yr and 10yr. First thing they asked was would we be moving. I won't lie as that will cause issues later on so l answered them truthfully and said l hoped not and I'd be doing everything possible gor us to stay

Gor = for

That sounds pretty reasonable to me, you're acknowledging their feelings, sharing a bit of yours, I hope that's the right way to do it because that's pretty much my answer when mine ask if we're staying or moving when daddy finally gets with the programme (he's ignoring the divorce from the spare room because he's so perfect why would I want to divorce him?)

I've checked out rental and sale properties but if I can keep enough equity I can keep the house

I can't get away from just feeling so angry about it! I know I'm not being blind when I say that he's walking away from me and our child for nothing but flippant reasons. I just really feel like he's done a number on me.

There should be some kind of warning that comes with wolves in sheeps clothing. He was besotted with me until I moved in and got pregnant.

I have felt ok so far... even when he introduced the boys to his "new" girlfriend only 4 weeks after we split. I won't be ok if we loose our home. I'll feel very bitter then

Sounds grim notsure. Sorry hope you don't lose your home. Unfortunately I will, not married... eurghh

I've been sent a draft copy of the divorce petition and I don't agree with the reason on UB. I feel they are exaggerated and make me look like a right loon! Do I reply via email to say I agree for the divorce to go ahead but I don't agree with the reasons then explain why? Will my email be shown in court or is it just a casual email between me and his solicitor?

gettingridofdickhead I didn't even see a draft petition from STBX and was disgusted with his UB listed for me. He did a whole A4 page! Some I agreed with but others were just like a little boy whining! Even my SOL agreed he went too far. But, I told my SOL even though I disagreed and some were downright pathetic I wasn't going to contest and just got on with filing the documents. It would cost more time and effort dragging it on.

Obviously it might be different for you, talk to your SOL (if you have one) and see what they say.

I may lose our home BUT I'm trying to see the positive side of it, that if we do move, it will be to a place (albeit much smaller) that's MINE that STBX hasn't set foot in and a fresh start. Obviously with smaller kids it may be a different experience, but if it has to happen maybe putting a positive spin on it will make a big difference?

Will the email be shown in court though. It's not exactly formal. More giving my twist on the reasons he's given. Say like the financial burden he says I have been , I written that it wasn't done to me we had no money as he still has no money now he's not with me and I suggest he maybe stops lovebombing his girlfriend who he has committed adultery with as it's already run up to at least £1000 of what I know of so far.

God we are all having a bit of a shit time right now. Saw a solicitor last week who was good but expensive. Re the unreasonable behaviour she told me that the best way to deal with it is to say that you do not agree but will not challenge the reasons. It's a private document so no one will see it except you and your ex and whoever is administering it. I hope that helps. And makes sense my brain has given up

On my side went through a weekend from hell with the mother in law turning up all fucking weekend- I cannot bear her. Almost saw nothing if my daughter as he wanted her to spend time with his mother. Blood boiled. But i grit my teeth and had a lovely breakfast with my girl and then took her for a play date with her friends and my friends who plied me with wine so it all felt a bit better.

We have agreed finances. I think it's to my benefit actually. I stay in the house for four years then we sell or I buy him out. Equity split in my favour. Payment to me to help to afford it. And I have a spare room to rent out as I wish. We have to live together for the next seven months though he is actually not being quite such an aggressive dickhead. Still annoying but not so bad as he was. I hope we can co parent propertly.

All gone a bit quiet, how is everyone? For me, STBExH went to MIAM yesterday so waiting to find out if he's prepared to try mediation. He's still in the house, being an arse.

I'm a bit fuming (probably over re-acting). Waiting for transfer of equity and it was delayed because stbxh hadn't fucking paid. FFS.

Extra stressed because I'm trying to buy house, finish divorce, look at secondary schools with dd1, etc. All while working full time going into busiest time of year and trying to keep house sorted and do 3 hobbies.

FFS now it's waiting for his solicitor to do stuff and he's being arsey with me for chasing him about it.

Oh I'm going to lose a tooth soon from clenching my jaw so hard. Stbexh is still here, being a complete twat, petty things like not washing up but leaving piles of pans in the sink so I can't wash up. Then when I ask him to move his stuff, leaving the washed pots all over the draining board. He also keeps letting the dog out.

Onlymeeeeeee - omg that would really piss me off. Ex-h used to do that when kids were little (make his lunch & put washer on rather than make lunch & clear up, meaning I had to clear up from his lunch making before I could feed dc and put his washing into dryer if I needed to do laundry). It was so much harder once we split but we're living together. Occasionally I'd get fed up and dump all the crap in his room, could you do similar? Even if you just get a big box to chuck stuff in it might help.

And yes, I said ex-h in that! Now divorced and money side sorted too. House purchase is going along nicely.

Just found this thread! My stbex has gone from we can do this amically, diy divorce, mediation to sort financials to, there's no rush, put the house up for sale in the new year, long winded no fault divorce. He says we don't need to do form E. We trust each other bla bla.
Have any of you managed to do things amically without too much cost? If so, any tips?

Onlyme I'm teeth clenching so much I've had to get a mouth guard from the dentist!

Looking back I don't think mine has been too bad compared to some. It will be emotional, it will be a rollercoaster, you will hate each other at times but it helps if you stay focussed on what you need. Be blunt too and don't be afraid to put your foot down just because you're trying to be 'amicable'. For example, I said ex should pay my conveyancing fees for home transfer to him as he gets the benefit of keeping the house and he tried to argue about it (various reasons like I was benefiting from getting equity earlier, etc). I ended up saying to him "It's £120, I don't give a fuck if you keep the house or we sell it so if you want to keep it you pay the fee. I'm not backing down, now do you really want to spend a fortune arguing via solicitors over £120?" And bear that in mind too - don't let you solicitor make a load of money while you argue over a few hundred here and there.

Helpmeltb - that's my problem right now, I don't want to say too much to STBX as I don't want to rock the boat. I am biting my tongue! He holds all the cards IMO and will be fine after this is done with his OW. Me? Not so sure right now but I'll be trying.

Helpme it sure is a rollercoaster! Sounds like you have the right attitude to get through it. Def going to try to avoid costly solicitor fees. I have one set up for the consent order and hopefully can do the rest ourselves. Its such a fine balance with my stbex. He has agreed to UB now so that's a step forward🤔. I actually emailed him info about the process and that it's sealed as he reacts badly if i try to discuss in person!!
Itsover I bite my tongue when i think i need to (to win the war not the battle) too.
Mine has also now agreed to do a financial statement but not form E. I'm still saying we do form E though and will do mine first (though money is joint unless he's hiding some).
Not sure about putting my foot down as he has anger issues...

Hi, I'm popping in here having finally started the long-overdue "I don't want to be married to you anymore" conversations with EA H. His stance is that he will "not agree" to a divorce, is lecturing me constantly about how our daughter will never be happy again and I'm ruining her life, I'm the reason he wakes up in the morning and I am taking away everything he has to live for, he will refuse to move out of the marital home and DD will remain with him as he can provide "stability and structure" which it turns out I'm incapable of providing for her , blah blah blah emotional blackmail.

I've spoken with a solicitor but haven't gotten very far in the process yet. I would like to move out and rent a flat and have DD with me 50% of the time but will need to get more advice from solicitor first.

He is going to make the next few months absolute hell.