Is a dad buying necessary underwear for his pre-pubescent daughter weird?

[Dadinhove]

I have my 11 yr old daughter 50% of the time. I bough her an extra first bra (same size and brand as existing) for her hols with me. Her mother thinks it’s “wholly inappropriate for me, father to my child, to be buying her underwear and gas threatened to take matters further if I do it again. Am I missing something? What on earth is wrong with a dad buying his daughter necessary underwear like this? Would love to know if in fact I am being unreasonable/ in appropriate.

I don't think it's weird per se.

That said, I didn't have a great relationship with my dad and the thought of him buying either period products or underwear at that age would have been mortifying.

I'd go by how your dd feels, it's not comparable to a widower as in this instance there is a mum around to pick up that stuff if the dd feels more comfortable.

It's not 'wrong' though.

If your daughter is fine with it, then fine.

As someone whose dad would refuse to stand in the supermarket line with her if she had pads or tampons, I don't see an issue with this at all.

I was going to say, if a widower didn't buy underwear for his child he'd be accused of neglect so how is he supposed to win.

What the actual fuck?

This has got to be one of the nuttiest takes I've ever heard.

My DP is out of the country for 3 months of every year. By your logic if DD needs new underwear at any point during that time I should just go "Nope, sorry, by purchasing that I'd be breaching your privacy barrier. You'll have to go without."

What else? Presumably I'm also breaching her privacy by knowing what brand and type of sanitary towels she prefers?

I thought that when separated parents had 50:50 custody each parent was expected to provide for their DC whilst with them? Why are you getting a hard time?

What does your daughter think, how does ex even know. Let her take it further, stupid woman creating drama out of nothing. I'm sure she won't mind you buying a big item for dd when she needs something special. If she feels so strongly then she can buy extra of everything. I presume she knows you'll be washing them and putting them on the line.

It's perfectly normal for dads to get female items such as bras and sanitary products. My dad always got them for me at that age, I'd just tell him what I needed and he'd bring it from the weekly shops! Once I was old enough (and more developed so needed a bra with added support) I went with friends as we were all in the same position.

No, nothing wrong.
I’d have been embarrassed if that was me as a child but that’s says much more about my relationship with my father.
My daughters wouldn’t have batted an eyelid if DH had done the same because they have a fantastic relationship with him and we have brought them up to not feel embarrassed about their bodies. (Which doesn’t mean they don’t have body issues but that’s related to peer group and media pressure not home.)

Can't believe that your ex has reacted like this. It seems completely fine to me that you've bought your own daughter a bra, she presumably is fine with it.
What dues your ex mean she'll take matters further? Sounds threatening.

I would absolutely say this! Excellent response.

I don't understand how peoples minds work when it comes to things like this. A father has the same responsibilities to provide for his child as does the mother and it looks like OP is doing his job and being a good father.

This is one that depends entirely on your DD. If she was uncomfortable and would prefer all this sort of thing to be handled by her mother, fair enough. In which case, if you are on 50/50 and you feel she needs more bras for at your house, you text your ex and ask her to buy a few extra and send her a tenner to cover the cost.

if, on the other hand, your DD is totally fine with it, then your ex is being ridiculous.

DH bought DD "training" bras the other day. total disaster as they're about 10 sizes too big but she asked him to pick up a few and she didn't have a cue either so we now have bras she'll probably never wear. sigh.

Were you in the changing room with her or something?

Assuming not, her mum is wrong. I would just keep in mind that your dd could feel embarrassed and could have said something to her (which doesn't mean you've done anything wrong, it's just something you may want to be aware of).

@ScrollingLeaves ...are you OK 🙄🤐

My mum had agoraphobia. My dad had 3 girls, he had to do the whole bra shopping for all 3. There is nothing wrong with it. You are a father buying your daughter essential items.

Your ex is being unreasonable.

I think it says more about the exes state of mind to be honest and that is quite concerning.

@Dadinhove You say it’s the same brand and size, but is it the same bra? How did you know what bra your daughter wears?
I am not trying to sound accusatory, it’s just that her mothers reaction is very strange (will take it further?) unless you bought her something inappropriate. So is it the same bra and how did the purchase come about?

I would imagine he does the washing while dd is with him so he would see the bra.

No of course not, i have teen & tween DDs and wouldn't think it was weird if DH bought them underwear!
Obviously if you bought her something "sexy" questions might be asked but not just normal everyday underwear no!

@CascaChan how does any parent know what size clothing the child needs?
They read the label 🙄
I also assume he does the laundry.

I was coming on to say this.

My mum gets dp boxers and socks every Christmas as well!

No-one has threatened me for buying my sons’ underwear.

Wow

No.
You absolute fool.
Pre-teen girls find bra fitting the height of embarrassment.
Going in with dad picking up the size and style she is used to perfectly normal.
Have your dads never been there when you’ve bought a bra? Bloody hell, my dad has picked them up for me as an adult if he’s seen my size on sale.

You're making this into something it's not. People like you are the problem here.

Shes being fucking ridiculous. This is how dads should be.