Is a dad buying necessary underwear for his pre-pubescent daughter weird?

[Dadinhove]

I have my 11 yr old daughter 50% of the time. I bough her an extra first bra (same size and brand as existing) for her hols with me. Her mother thinks it’s “wholly inappropriate for me, father to my child, to be buying her underwear and gas threatened to take matters further if I do it again. Am I missing something? What on earth is wrong with a dad buying his daughter necessary underwear like this? Would love to know if in fact I am being unreasonable/ in appropriate.

Totally fine! You were just ordering another of what she has already chosen and wears. It is also a training bra…not some lacy push-up bralette and lingerie ensemble. I can’t believe people are freaking out over this.

@ScrollingLeaves please explain.

My DD always preferred her DF taking her shopping because he would spend far more than me 🤣 including underwear

It's completely fine. She's a child and you're her parent. How on earth does your ex think fathers manage if their daughter doesn't have a mum?!

When I was 11 my dad definitely bought me bras, knickers and sanitary pads.bHe used to do the big weekly supermarket shop and when I needed anything like that, either my mum or I would just ask him to add it to the shopping list and he'd get it.

Pretty sure that throughout our teens, my sister and I were giving him stern instructions on our specific tampon absorbencies and styles (me - super, non-applicator, Lil-lets; my sister - extra super, applicator, Tampax) and the poor bloke was admirably unfazed.

That was in 1987, so I'm pretty sure it's acceptable in 2024.

He didn't take her for a bra fitting and watch her change, he just bought another bra the same as the one she had, may even have been on line, so no embarrassment, no pervy thing going on. People's minds are horrible.

Generations back it would have been unheard of, I can't imagine my (Victorian) GF buying bras but now it's not like you have to go into a ladies lingerie shop, you can pick them up in Tesco or any other supermarket. If he had refused to buy her a bra because 'men don't do that' (and the mother complained that he didn't)) he would have had all sorts of abuse for that too.

Of course it’s OK as long as your daughter is happy with it.

Your ex is ridiculous- you bought duplicates of items that she already wears. I assume you did something like order it online, not go to a shop and ask a shop assistant to measure and fit your DD’s bra because the former is discreet and the latter embarrassing. It won’t be long until you can ask dd to buy her own underwear when she goes shopping with friends.

Buying a kids' bra in the same size and brand as her existing one does not 'symbolise a privacy barrier'. He didn't take her out and stand there while she was being measured up for her first ever bra. He literally just duplicated the one she already has and which he's presumably had to wash for her in the 50% of time that she lives with him.

Sorry but I'd have found this mortifying as a teen/pre teen girl! I'd have hated the thought of my dad looking at my underwear for the size or buying me any at that age. 6 yes, 11 nooo.

I think you probably came from a good place and it's sweet, but I'd imagine your ex is kicking off because your daughter has expressed discomfort. She can pack what she needs and if she needs anything she can ask right?

I'd back down on this one.

She sounds absolutely unhinged.

My reply would be:
"I will continue to provide all necessary clothing for X whilst she is in my care. I am not sure who you intend to refer this matter to, but you are welcome to take it to whoever you feel might be relevant if you feel strongly about it."

Absolutely normal.

My dad was there when we were buying stuff like that and so was my husband for my girls.

Tell her to get her head out of her ass ffs.

It's no different than a mother buying underwear for their sons is it not??

Just when you think it's become more equal
For dads,after all she's happy for you to do 50/50 every other way.

Well done you for doing it.

So what do you "imagine" the mother's threat to take things further means?

Asked a female assistant and fitter?!

Apart from the fact that the OP clearly says that he simply bought an exact duplicate of the bra she already has, so no assistance was necessary, she's an 11-year-old getting a stretchy trainer bra from M&S or something, not a middle-aged woman getting underwired scaffolding from Rigby & Peller. How much 'fitting' do you think the average 11-year-old needs? Training bras don't even have any actual support to speak of. They're just to get girls comfortable with a bra before they 'need' one.

Of course it's not inappropriate. How bizarre? Does she think it would be inappropriate if you bought period products for your daughter or female family member when they needed them?
The only thing I'd say is I'd probably have gone one step further and said to the child to pick a bra she likes within reason, as long as it's right size. Kids of that age should be choosing their own clothes with a bit of supervision now I'd have thought.
So you've done nothing wrong at all. As long as she actually likes that bra and it's comfortable!

It's fine.

What if you were a single parent? Would your daughter have no underwear? Of course not, because you would just buy it. It's what a parent does.

it Is your role to provide your daughter with what she needs and she needs bras so of course you need to buy her one.
your ex is being ridiculous.

Can you explain why you think so? This man has presumably changed his daughter’s nappy at some point, do you think the same ‘boundaries’ apply to that?

No it doesn’t. This is bloody ridiculous. How do you think single dads to girls manage? And I hope your not hypocritical and think it’s equally wrong for mothers to buy their sons underwear too but I bet you don’t

Your ex is being ridiculous. Are daughters meant to go without if they only have their dads in their lives? No.

My dad took me shopping for my prom dress when I was 16. When asked if I needed anything else, I said yes, a decent bra to go under it. I'd have been annoyed if I couldn't have it because he was paying and just happened to be male.

The people saying you crossed a line are nuts.

Your ex wife is being a proper div!! She needs to come down off whatever moral parenting pedestal she has put herself on and get a life. Of course you can buy your daughter what she needs and it’s not weird. Men are constantly castigated on here for being absent and shit, you are showing up for your daughter! Buy her what she needs.

This totally. Is her comment more a reflection of your relationship with her mum and about power?

Your ex seems to be sexualising a parental purchase and that’s weird. My 2 DD’s would ask my DH to pick up sanitary wear for them. Be led by your DD, just put it in her drawer. No need for a song and dance but I suspect your Ex will have already planted the seed to your DD. I also bought underwear for our DS and condoms but put them in his drawer and didn’t say anything to him. It’s how we react about things that make them embarrassing and I would never want to do that.

My partner was widowed when his daughter was 11. He buys her underwear and sanitary products. How on earth is this weird?

She doesn’t model the underwear for him!!

Haven’t heard ‘ a proper div’ for years! Bravo 👏🏻👏🏻

She only had one ?!!!