Is a dad buying necessary underwear for his pre-pubescent daughter weird?

[Dadinhove]

I have my 11 yr old daughter 50% of the time. I bough her an extra first bra (same size and brand as existing) for her hols with me. Her mother thinks it’s “wholly inappropriate for me, father to my child, to be buying her underwear and gas threatened to take matters further if I do it again. Am I missing something? What on earth is wrong with a dad buying his daughter necessary underwear like this? Would love to know if in fact I am being unreasonable/ in appropriate.

WickieRoy
Because everyone wears pants but bras are highly gendered, obviously.“

So are boxers. They have a pouch. For testicles, obviously.

They're garments, FFS. Anyone reading anything into this needs to take a look at their own mind, frankly.

No one is reading anything into it. To adults, bras are just fabric (although I reckon most women wouldn't fancy discussing their bra with male friends or relatives). To an 11 year old girl whose body is changing they may be more private than that, and that's fine too.

Anyone who posted that their DH was annoyed that their DD wanted their mum to buy their bras rather than their dad would be told that her privacy and preferences should be respected. Obviously.

WickieRoy
Anyone who posted that their DH was annoyed that their DD wanted their mum to buy their bras rather than their dad would be told that her privacy and preferences should be respected. Obviously

That’s not so in this case. Obviously.

I have one breast. Buying bras is a pain in the arse. I discuss it with my husband and anyone else who’s in earshot. I don’t wear my prosthetic breast when I’m at home (often not when I go out either, depending where) and no-one, male or female, that we know has a problem with it.

Seriously. It’s a practical garment that some women need to wear. Like knickers, t-shirts, trousers, whatever. Anyone attaching anything sexual to it when it’s being bought for a child needs to rethink. Because it isn’t.

My dp would have bought underwear for our dd if necessary. But she would very much rather have gone with me. Not a big deal-just her preference. Which she is allowed to have.

That’s not so in this case. Obviously.

I've repeatedly said that if the DD is fine with it, then that's grand. In my first post the DD's feelings hadn't been stated.

That's great that you're comfortable discussing your bras with anyone in earshot, genuinely. Personally I wouldn't fancy discussing mine with, say, BIL or male colleagues. Underwear is private and personal for many people, and that should be respected.

No one is attaching anything sexual to an 11yo's bra. Obviously.

You sound great! Why should your daughter feel ashamed about wearing a bra?! Some people need their heads wobbled!
You've done nothing wrong, it's not bad or wrong to buy your daughter what she needs!

@ScrollingLeaves what boundary? It may be your boundary, but don't try to impose your ideals on everyone else.

You are in the realms of assuming all men are incestuous paedophiles. I pity any makes in your life.

OP it's fine and perfectly normal. Your DD will let you know when it's not, then you follow her lead.

What do you think widowed dads of pubescent girls do?

Please don't tell me you've bought toilet roll, that's really crossing a privacy boundary 😂

My first gut instinct was no problem. But when I reflect on my own DD (of divorced parents) I was the only one who bought her underwear or sanitary products. Led really by her.

In an emergency - say on holiday - I'm sure her Dad got her sanitary products if needed in an emergency but generally she preferred me to sort those things out. Up to DD. Not XW.

I’ve had such fun reading your comments and they’ve made me feel so much better! Thanks everyone.

Didn’t you read “extenuating circumstances”??? Hello???

It's fantastic if a father is relaxed and cool about buying his dd's underwear and tampax and so on. On two conditions. That his daughter is relaxed and cool about it too. She should be allowed to choose. AND that he's not being performative about it.

@PainintheProverbial Good grief. Written by a perv you say. All I can say is it’s so sad you have such a cynical view - report if you want, but you are wasting your time. Have a nice life

😂😂😂

Yeah, the ops just been hanging around for over a year posting mundane things on parenting just waiting for the opportunity to talk about pre teen underwear on dadsnet 🙄

**
No one is attaching anything sexual to an 11yo's bra. Obviously.

Great. Except you did. You said a bra was “obviously” “gendered”.

it’s a functional bit of fabric. Underwear. We all wear underwear. Thankfully, you’re in the
minority. Most people have no issue with dad buying daughter a bra.

@OnAndOnAndonAgain my thoughts exactly. 🙄

Seriously, you're the one bringing sex into it. I haven't mentioned sex at all. Bras are gendered, and something private for many women and girls. Just like periods. Which are also not sexual.

And for the thousandth time I have no issue with a dad buying a daughter a bra. I just said that the daughter might have a problem with it (as many posters have said they would have done with their own dads), before OP clarified that she doesn't and that he's aware that may well change.

I don't know how to explain it more clearly.

Dad buys dd a duplicate bra so she has more than one to take on holiday with her, yup , red flags all over that

I think you're giving that rusty antenna a little too much credit.

@PainintheProverbial how do you ever relax?

Absolutely nuts