Is a dad buying necessary underwear for his pre-pubescent daughter weird?

[Dadinhove]

I have my 11 yr old daughter 50% of the time. I bough her an extra first bra (same size and brand as existing) for her hols with me. Her mother thinks it’s “wholly inappropriate for me, father to my child, to be buying her underwear and gas threatened to take matters further if I do it again. Am I missing something? What on earth is wrong with a dad buying his daughter necessary underwear like this? Would love to know if in fact I am being unreasonable/ in appropriate.

You have done nothing wrong, actually well done to you for thinking that she will need a bra and getting it, because at 12 many of them are not ready to pack on tgeir own. I hope she likes it and you enjoy the holidays.

Regarding this advice of sending a 12 year old to be measured for a bra on her own with a female assistance.... I would not leave my child alone with anyone that needs to be measuring around her breasts. I could not care less that they were female or a unicorn...

@Dadinhove you seem to have a lively relationship with your dd.
Carry on like you are!

And I’d be ready to tackle the ‘I have my first period too’….

@ScrollingLeaves

Out of interest what do you think would be appropriate if her first period occurred on Dad's 50% time? Should he bung her loo roll, pretend it's not happening, call in a female?

I have two DD’s (both under 15) and I would fully expect my DH to be able to buy them underwear if required!

Your a parent and your ex is being spiteful. If your DD is comfortable then there should be no issue.

@jannier when my DD had her first period I ran screaming from the house then nailed all the doors and windows closed so she couldn't escape. I then smudged the surrounding area with sage. Was that wrong?

Don’t forget though though that in MN world all men are lazy waste of spaces, and most of them would abuse all women including girls if they could

🤣🤣

The mum's reaction is rather extreme. All I can think of is that she either feels like it's something she should be doing (as in a mum and daughter thing) or it's just to do with power and control.

To insinuate the OP is doing something inappropriate though is just ridiculous.

With regard to her saying she will take it further, I assume she means police, social services or court. Having been involved with all these services numerous times regarding children, I can say that they won't even entertain her report.

You are doing your duty as a parent OP, keep doing what you are doing and ignore your ex.

Absolutely ridiculous. I bought underwear for all my sons - would she think that's inappropriate? You're her dad, it's fine for you to provide whatever she needs at your house. Your ex would be laughed out of court if she took it further.

As a daughter who grew up with parents that divorced, my dad bought me anything I needed, Underwear, clothes, make up, sanitary products when needed and I didn't find it weird at all and wouldn't if me and DH were split up.

You've done absolutely nothing wrong at all. I can't actually see how anyone would think this isn't appropriate.

The fact you haven't ignored your daughter's needs is a wonderful thing.

It's just a piece of underwear. Mothers buy sons pants all the time.

Not sure you have done enough here ...
😂

My dad didn’t buy me my first bra. He actually made it for me - two half eggshells held together with string given to me as a joke when I started asking for a bra when I was about 8.

I don’t think the OP has done anything wrong, but the thought of my Dad ever buying me a bra is just toe-curling!

Kind of hoping the Ex does take it further. Maybe a little outside perspective would help her realise what a disservice she is doing to the Op and their daughter.
Carry on parenting well Op!

If the kid is fine with it, then no issues at all.

I would not be happy if my husband bought underwear for our daughter and thankfully there’s no way he’d even think of doing it. Unless there’s extenuating circumstances, buying a bra is something done between mother and daughter. And to all those mumsnetters who want to appear cool with their equality nonsense, don’t bother as I’ll be ignoring your rubbish.

I lament for times past when there were far more stricter protocols and people knew their place.

WickieRoy · Today 12:54
It's fine if your daughter's fine with it, but I think a lot of 11yo girls would be uncomfortable talking bras with their dad.

Why? Most mums buy pants for their sons. What’s the difference? What are kids without mums supposed to do?

OP: what on earth is she talking about, “take it further”? To whom?

It’s perfectly fine. My Dad is now in his 70s but I could have asked him to buy any underwear and period products at any age. As my daughters can with their dad. Your daughter is lucky to have a dad like you.

PainintheProverbial · Today 18:06
I would not be happy if my husband bought underwear for our daughter and thankfully there’s no way he’d even think of doing it. Unless there’s extenuating circumstances, buying a bra is something done between mother and daughter. And to all those mumsnetters who want to appear cool with their equality nonsense, don’t bother as I’ll be ignoring your rubbish.
**
I lament for times past when there were far more stricter protocols and people knew their place”

Oh for God’s sake. There are men doing a very fine job of bringing up their daughters alone. WTF has equality to do with a kid with just a dad needing underwear?

Do you buy pants for your son if you have one?

Why is it an issue though? It's just clothing. It's no different to buying a needed tshirt or dress.

@PainintheProverbial I agree. A father's presence in the family should be no more than a pair of hands either side of a raised newspaper at the breakfast table and to take the family to church on a Sunday.

At no point should he regard himself as an involved parent because that way madness lies and will inevitably lead to the downfall of the human race within days.

Why is it an issue though? It's just clothing. It's no different to buying a needed tshirt or dress.

I think you are pretending to miss the point

Not at all, I find that way of thinking absolutely ludicrous and says more about the person whose mind automatically goes to something sinister.

As long as OP's daughter is fine with it then I see no issue.

In the early 90s my dad used to to buy me sanitary products and neither of us were bothered it