What's an appropriate holiday for a SAHM?

[NoKissKissNoBangBang]

Hi All,

Looking for opinions & perspective. Wife has said she'd like to go on holiday with her best mate for a week. We have two children and I have no problem looking after them for a week. As a SAHM I think she fully deserves a week off. Problem is, the best friend is single (both in their late 30's) and they want to go to a party island (not decided but Tenerife, Majorca, Ibiza, Crete have all been mentioned). The best friend likes living the single life (but is always looking out for a boyfriend) and meeting guys, so basically the best friend wants a "wing woman" to go away with. They both like a drink, scratch that, when the opportunity arises they like to get legless.

Is it fair that I am uncomfortable with my wife being in that environment for a full week with a friend who is likely to want to go out to bars and clubs to meet guys most (if not every) night with the inevitable drink fuelled shenanigans that would follow?

Before the inevitable "don't you trust your wife question", I do, to an extent, but an extended stay in this environment watching a single friend do what she wants is a worry.

So, what do you think?

I guess you'll get mixed replies with a fair few saying she can do what she likes
I wouldn't want my husband doing that kind of holiday though
I go away without him but with friends in the same position as me. Married, working and knackered so we go for a relax

I think you should let your wife go on holiday wherever she chooses. You either trust someone or you don't. There's no "to a certain extent."
Most women are fully capable of being away from a partner without any shenanigans.
If she often gets "legless" I would say that's a bigger concern.

Would you prefer her to go on holiday alone to a knitting convention?

Not your call, sunshine.

I genuinely thought from the title that this was going to be a thread about whether AI was better than self-catering so that a SAHM got a break from cooking etc.

And what on earth does the fact that your DW is a SAHM has to do with whether she goes to a ‘party island’ on holiday?

I don't like your thread title tbh, would you find it more appropriate if she was working?

Although I wouldn't be happy if my partner went on a holiday like this, and I would be more concerned about the getting 'legless' but that's just me.

A convent on a nice sparsely populated Scottish Isle.

Personally, I think you're a dick. You trust your wife 'to an extent.' What the hell is that meant to mean?!
Being in a drinking, male fuelled environment isn't going to make your wife cheat. Her being unhappy is going to make her cheat.
I don't know what you expect people to say. Would you prefer she went to a ladies only spa retreat where she did gentile activities and was in bed early each night?

What is it that really bothers you here?

The fact she might cheat?

She could go to a yoga retreat and do that.

God you're a sexist pig. Your title is awful. Why does her being a SAHM make it inappropriate for her to let her hair down and party? Are working women allowed to party but SAHMs must fulfill some 'frumpy' role you have in your head for them?

You either trust her or you don't. If you don't, you have more serious problems than the holiday

You have issues!

It doesn't matter if she is a SAHM or not.

It's her holiday, she can go where she wants

Get over it.

Prepared to be flamed.

I'd hate my dh to go on this type of holiday. He wouldn't do it though and it's because of this and other personality traits that we're together.

If it's to her taste then you're trying to change her.

Maybe she will go and meet someone who doesn’t police what she is and isn’t allowed to do.

I would have no problem with my husband going on a holiday like that.

How old is she? It sounds like the type of holiday you'd go on when you're 18 or early twenties. I couldn't think of anything worse.

Wtf am i reading here?!

It's not her, the friend or the choice of holiday destination. It's you acting like a fucking twat.

Is the SAHM bit of the title in order to let us know that you are paying for the holiday?

Ignoring the title, etc, it all depends on the level of mutual respect in your relationship. I wouldn't want my husband going on what is essentially a week long singles holiday, and he wouldn't want me to either. Chilled out beach holiday, city break, fine. So it depends entirely on what the boundaries are in your own relationship.

Is this a joke or the 1950s?

The bottom line is that you don't trust her.

It cannot be disguised as 'it's her friend i don't trust' or 'they'll be drunk' or 'she's a sahm'.

Utter tosh.

Your wife is a free person, do not control her.

Bloody hell what a question!

Surely the question is, 'I don't trust my wife, what should I do?'

As I'm sure you've gathered by the replies already, it's not really your call on what's an "appropriate" holiday. It wouldn't be my cup of tea but she's entitled to some down time doing whatever she wants.

I agree with pp that she'll only cheat if she's already unhappy.

The fact she doesn’t work outside the home is irrelevant here
I know most people will tell you you’re a controlling arse and maybe you are.
However, I would probably be a bit uncomfortable with my DH going on that sort of holiday, it serves a purpose but not if you aren’t single.
I do trust my DH and don’t think he would cheat but I would wonder why he wanted to go somewhere so tacky

Are you as controlling as your name suggests- from the op I'm thinking yes!

Not wanting your oh to go on a singles type holiday immediately equates to the op having trust issues?

Maybe so, but I'm willing to guess that quite a few people wouldn't want their oh to do this. It doesn't signify a crippling lack of trust imo or indicate problems in a relationship.

His wording is a bit off but some of you are frankly deliberately misrepresenting the reality of relationships to put him down for mentioning that she's a sahm.

Never a day passes on MN where I do not read a thread that makes me giddy with relief to be single.