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Dadsnet

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Original poster

What's an appropriate holiday for a SAHM?

184 replies

NoKissKissNoBangBang · 04/04/2018 09:20

Hi All,

Looking for opinions & perspective. Wife has said she'd like to go on holiday with her best mate for a week. We have two children and I have no problem looking after them for a week. As a SAHM I think she fully deserves a week off. Problem is, the best friend is single (both in their late 30's) and they want to go to a party island (not decided but Tenerife, Majorca, Ibiza, Crete have all been mentioned). The best friend likes living the single life (but is always looking out for a boyfriend) and meeting guys, so basically the best friend wants a "wing woman" to go away with. They both like a drink, scratch that, when the opportunity arises they like to get legless.

Is it fair that I am uncomfortable with my wife being in that environment for a full week with a friend who is likely to want to go out to bars and clubs to meet guys most (if not every) night with the inevitable drink fuelled shenanigans that would follow?

Before the inevitable "don't you trust your wife question", I do, to an extent, but an extended stay in this environment watching a single friend do what she wants is a worry.

So, what do you think?

OP posts:

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Mellodrama · 04/04/2018 21:00

Sorry to disagree with the feminism here but I'm totally with @NoKissKissNoBangBang, and yes, as a grown woman and mother why on earth is she wanting to go to such a seedy, sex-fueled holiday destination?

I'm no prude, in fact I'm probably more at the other end of the continuum but I really do think the OP has every right to raise concerns

Original poster

NoKissKissNoBangBang · 04/04/2018 21:11

@LucyGayheart just provoking the double standards reaction I knew I'd get from the likes of you :-)

OP posts:

Mynewnameforabit · 04/04/2018 21:51

lucygayheart, you cannot really have it both ways, and claim to be in any way making a logical argument! If its fine for her to go where she wants and do what she wants, how can it possibly be 'retaliation' if he takes a similar holiday?

You've shown that you're fundamentally sexist, and will always find fault with the actions of men. Pretty low .

Whatsforu · 04/04/2018 22:24

Lucygayheart
Really!!!!

LucyGayheart · 04/04/2018 22:55

If its fine for her to go where she wants and do what she wants, how can it possibly be 'retaliation' if he takes a similar holiday?

Sigh. Read what the OP says. If he explains his issues to his wife and she decides to go ahead with her planned holiday anyway, then he says he has to 'suck it up', but he's going to suggest he books a holiday (to a destination in which he's never had any interest, purely because it was suggested here as a leery laddish sex tourism destination), and report back 'if she kicks off'. It's juvenile and retaliatory.

Fine, if he had long wanted to to go Thailand with his friends though no evidence of this but to decide to go there purely because his wife goes ahead with her plans for a destination of which he disapproves is not a grown-up act. Hope that clarifies.

Original poster

NoKissKissNoBangBang · 05/04/2018 05:12

@LucyGayheart what it clarifies is that @Mynewnameforabit is correct in her assessment of your approach to this topic and as per my previous post I included this comment purely to out your double standards.

For the record, I have a good friend, recently divorced, who seems intent on burning the candle at both ends, he would love it if I would go with him on a holiday like this. I've not, mainly because I didn't think my wife would like it and I'm not sure I could cope with 2 nights out on the trot, let alone a week.

OP posts:

Hillingdon · 05/04/2018 09:16

So all of those trashing this chap are quite happy for their partners to do this? Really - are you??

Snowjoker · 05/04/2018 09:17

I’m not sure I could cope with 2 nights out on the trot, let alone a week
..unlike your wife, who is clearly up for it! Perhaps herein lies the problem, that you feel middle aged already and she is in her prime?

ToriRay · 05/04/2018 09:30

So all of those trashing this chap are quite happy for their partners to do this? Really - are you??

Yes. I'd send him on his merry way, with a bottle of factor 50. As he would me.

Chardonnay73 · 05/04/2018 09:34

I do this twice a year, go with my best mates ( who have sometimes been single) to a 'party island'.
I laugh from the minute I get there, drink, sunbathe, dance. Very rarely have I been chatted up, a wedding ring is a good indication that you are not available and in that environment, honestly, someone that wants to pull won't waste their time on someone who is clearly not interested.
I return with a suntan, very hungover but desperate to see my family again.
If you put a gun to my dh head he probably would say that he'd prefer me to go to a quilting convention. But he waves me off with a kiss, secure in the knowledge that I won't cheat. I never have.
OP, I encourage you to do the same. My little breaks away only enhance my relationship, not ruin it.

BodakBlue · 05/04/2018 09:46

Oh please @NoKissKissNoBangBang stop trying to play the victim just because you didn't get your own way. Pathetic.

Hope you have a lovely time in Thailand btw, maybe a nice holiday will help you to get rid of that big ass chip on your shoulder :)

BodakBlue · 05/04/2018 09:47

So all of those trashing this chap are quite happy for their partners to do this? Really - are you??

Yes? I trust mine, that's why I'm with him.

PanGalaticGargleBlaster · 05/04/2018 09:59

I thought for some on MN ‘Thailand’ and ‘golf weekend’ was just code for drug fuelled prostitute laden holiday.

I remember an argument on here years ago that descended into chaos when some loon basically suggested that any man going on holiday to Thailand just had to be a sex tourist.

PinkbicyclesinBerlin · 05/04/2018 10:03

I’d feel uncomfortable too, not because I don’t trust my husband but because I believe that almost anyone, and I include me, could cheat given the wrong set of circumstances (queue up for the MN backlash to this assertion). Cheating 99 timed out of 100 in circumstances such as this is down to making an awful decision when shitfaced, it happens all the time to people who genuinely believe they’d never cheat. Going to a place where people specifically go on the pull just makes things a little more stacked up to do the wrong thing. Only in the land of MN is cheating the premeditated action of life long bastards, while in the real world more often cheating is the action of normal complex human being who makes a shitty choice when opportunity presented itself. Obviously people turn down these opportunities each and every day but sometimes in human nature it goes the other way.

TheSassyAssassin · 05/04/2018 10:05

Surely you mean Center Parcs Pan?

OP I know you have had mixed responses on here and I think, as I said before, you could have perhaps framed things better, but I do hope you are able to have an honest conversation with your DW and you are both able to see where you are both coming from on this. Listen carefully to her response though as hopefully you'll find reassurance in it

BlancheM · 05/04/2018 10:52

How pathetic.

Mynewnameforabit · 05/04/2018 12:32

Oh please @NoKissKissNoBangBang stop trying to play the victim just because you didn't get your own way. Pathetic.
You seem to be reading a completely different thread BodakBlue!

Mynewnameforabit · 05/04/2018 12:38

PinkBicyclesInBerlin I completely agree! Its not a popular way of seeing things, but I do think most cheating happens where circumstances are stacked, rather than it being the inevitable action of a bastard (and presumably a perfectly aligned bitch, where it's someone they know, who knows they are married..).

BodakBlue · 05/04/2018 16:18

@Mynewnameforabit in what way exactly? The OP has repeatedly made comments throughout this thread claiming that he has been "attacked", that everyone who doesn't agree with him is rude and horrible, and finally stated that he was going to fuck off on some mad sex holiday with his friend who loves to go out partying, because poor him, every one on the internet doesn't agree with his opinion, how terrible. Pretty sure that is classed as trying to play the victim

IntoTheFloodAgain · 05/04/2018 16:35

OP I think you’re better off just talking openly with your wife, than listening to most of these replies.

Posters can deny the double standard all they want, but if someone’s husband was going on holiday as his buddy’s ‘wingman’, that poster would be told it’s not acceptable by most.

Mynewnameforabit · 05/04/2018 16:42

claiming that he has been "attacked"
I found 3 posts on the first page, without even looking hard, which called him names (e.g. 'twat'), which is verbal abuse, not reasoned argument, just abusive name calling. I think the OP made light of it really, it was pretty nasty, IMO.

and finally stated that he was going to fuck off on some mad sex holiday with his friend
No he didn't, you have quoted what he said upthread, and it was:
And just maybe, I'll go somewhere myself (I think Thailand was suggested)

If that automatically means a 'mad sex holiday', then so does his wife going away to a place popular with singles with her single friend! You can't have it both ways, adjusting what you infer depending on whether its the man or the woman. You're making up additional material to try to support your attacks, which are based on your inferences, not what has been said.
I wonder if you really don't see the massive bias you've shown in your posts, its one thing to support women, but blatant prejudice against someone just for being male does none of us any favours.

BodakBlue · 05/04/2018 17:03

@Mynewnameforabit In what way was I prejudice against the OP for being male? I would still have the same opinion if OP was female and this post was regarding her DH, as I have mentioned above. The OP only mentioned Thailand after a few others had posted comments mentioning that some men who go to Thailand with their friends do so only so that they can pay for sex with prostitutes. I am in no way implying that Thailand is a "mad sex destination" or that everyone goes there for that. I am simply applying it in the context of which the OP mentioned it. Have you actually read through this thread?

Mynewnameforabit · 05/04/2018 17:19

I am in no way implying that Thailand is a "mad sex destination" or that everyone goes there for that. I am simply applying it in the context of which the OP mentioned it. Have you actually read through this thread?
Yup, and he didn't ever state that he intended to behave badly, at all, whereas you said he:
stated that he was going to fuck off on some mad sex holiday

He didn't, at all.

You inferred that plan based on your personal view (when the OP was clearly making a point about the double standard being applied), but you also stated that he had said it, when he didn't.

I can't make it any clearer, and am going to quit this now, as it seems you are determined to modify facts and words to for your view, and don't realise you do it.

ToriRay · 05/04/2018 17:20

I can't make it any clearer, and am going to quit this now, as it seems you are determined to modify facts and words to for your view, and don't realise you do it.

The irony.

Toyboysrus · 05/04/2018 17:24

Have you asked DW how she actually sees the holiday working on a practical level? If the friend does pull would DW lie there like a gooseberry in the next bed pretending to sleep while they shag lustily or would she take herself off somewhere if so where would she go?

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