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Original poster

What's an appropriate holiday for a SAHM?

184 replies

NoKissKissNoBangBang · 04/04/2018 09:20

Hi All,

Looking for opinions & perspective. Wife has said she'd like to go on holiday with her best mate for a week. We have two children and I have no problem looking after them for a week. As a SAHM I think she fully deserves a week off. Problem is, the best friend is single (both in their late 30's) and they want to go to a party island (not decided but Tenerife, Majorca, Ibiza, Crete have all been mentioned). The best friend likes living the single life (but is always looking out for a boyfriend) and meeting guys, so basically the best friend wants a "wing woman" to go away with. They both like a drink, scratch that, when the opportunity arises they like to get legless.

Is it fair that I am uncomfortable with my wife being in that environment for a full week with a friend who is likely to want to go out to bars and clubs to meet guys most (if not every) night with the inevitable drink fuelled shenanigans that would follow?

Before the inevitable "don't you trust your wife question", I do, to an extent, but an extended stay in this environment watching a single friend do what she wants is a worry.

So, what do you think?

OP posts:

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Charley50 · 04/04/2018 09:57

Why are people saying she'll only cheat if she's unhappy. It's a bit ingenuous considering the awful stories on here about husbands who have happy home lives but still cheat, 'because they can'.. because they had the opportunity, because they were greedy and entitled, because any reason really.

Op I think she's just going for a holiday. No point worrying about it, she'll love you more for not making a fuss.

auntyflonono · 04/04/2018 09:57

I wouldnt want my husband to go, whether a sahd or employed outside the home.

KennDodd · 04/04/2018 09:58

I don't think I'd like my husband to go on a holiday like that. I wouldn't stop him though.

Are you looking for alternative suggestions for her holiday op? If you do get some, well what are you going to do with that information, tell her she can't go and give her a list of acceptable alternatives?

Mynewnameforabit · 04/04/2018 10:00

I think its unfortunate that you framed the question around her SAHM status, by that aside, your concerns don't seem as unreasonable as people are suggesting. I don't think they'd be giving the same advice to a woman whose' SAHD DH wanted to go away with a single, party animal mate, and they both really loved to get legless. I can't honestly see people saying its entirely his business and he can do what he likes. I suspect people would also then bring in the fact that the OP was expected to pay for it as the working parent .
Personally, I'd be slightly unsettled if my partner wanted to spend a holiday like that (I know they can do what they want, but it isn't what I'd enjoy when in a committed relationship) and I'd expect them to be a bit sensitive about it and to be offering reassurance on why you have no need to worry. She may also not have thought about how it will be a bit different than holidays when she was younger and single.

TomRavenscroft · 04/04/2018 10:00

We have two children and I have no problem looking after them for a week

What do you want for that, a medal?

Any kind of holiday is 'appropriate' for an adult regardless of what their working life looks like. Who on earth do you think you are?

KennDodd · 04/04/2018 10:01

I think the only thing I'd suggest is that she brings a book because if her friend is off shagging blokes (as implied) every night your wife's going to have a pretty shit time on her own.

Love51 · 04/04/2018 10:01

The same as an appropriate holiday for a working Mum / working non parent / sahd / working dad / non working non parent - whatever the holiday maker wants within the constraints of real life (money, childcare, transport, what the holiday companions want to do). It's her holiday, she chooses, surely?
Having said that, there may be a tension if your partner has values not aligned with yours, but that doesn't mean mumsnet get to vote on where she goes on holiday.

Original poster

NoKissKissNoBangBang · 04/04/2018 10:02

To give the question context I'm just pointing out that as a SAHM she doesn't get a lot of time to herself outside the home. You're reading too much into it.

It seems the majority consensus is I have no right to an opinion or to be worried about the holiday destination decision, or, rather I can have an opinion/concern but it is of no consequence and wrong of me.

OP posts:

Thequeenisdeadboys · 04/04/2018 10:05

Just flabbergasted that this would be holiday break choice ! Party island ??? Ugh !

MumofBoysx2 · 04/04/2018 10:06

I'd more concerned about her safety - if she is inclined to get 'legless' then who's looking out for her while her friend is meeting men, and vice versa? I wouldn't do it, and wouldn't expect my husband to either.

TomRavenscroft · 04/04/2018 10:06

You're reading too much into it.

Can you tell me how one is to read 'appropriate'?

AnotherMIL · 04/04/2018 10:09

The thread title is awful. I hope it doesn’t reflect your attitude to her value. Just because she is a SAHM doesn’t mean she doesn’t work as hard as you or anyone else. Being a SAHP is HARD. I’m sure you know this.

I personally do not like my DP going on single type holidays. I don’t stop him though.

DeliberatelyAwkward · 04/04/2018 10:10

You have a right to be worried, and to an opinion.

But your worries and opinion sound entirely selfish and lack real consideration for her wellbeing.

snewsname · 04/04/2018 10:10

I'm all for having breaks away without your partner but I would be uncomfortable about this.
What is your wife going to do when her friend is getting off with blokes? She could be left alone in very vulnerable situations.

Livinglifepeachy · 04/04/2018 10:10

I think it might be good voicing your concerns to your partner and see what she says..

Personally I wouldn't want my oh going there.

colditz · 04/04/2018 10:10

I'd love to say it will all be fine but frankly the choice of venue gives me the heebies. "Party island" is a euphemism for meat market, and I'd be seriously worried about your wife's safety, especially as they both like to get drunk.

But I can see why she wants to go. Her friend wants somewhere fun for her, and your wife will go anywhere she can drnk with her friend.

Personally I would no more cheat on my partner than fly to the moon, party island or not - so what it really does come down to is - do you not trust your wife?

Livinglifepeachy · 04/04/2018 10:12

I think the op made it clear he thinks his wife doesn't get 'me' time so obviously believes she works hard as him.

colditz · 04/04/2018 10:12

"opinion/concern but it is of no consequence "

Not exactly ... it's just that this might be the hill she decides to die on. This might be the tipping point that makes her say "Fuck you, you do not tell me what to do, I'm going and if you don't stop trying to control me, I'm not coming back"

bonnyshide · 04/04/2018 10:13

A holiday like this wouldn't have been my cup of tea as a married woman, I would've found it boring watching my friend getting picked up in bars (if that is really her intention).

elisenbrunnen · 04/04/2018 10:13

What's an appropriate holiday for a SAHM? Anything, away from the kids. Anywhere.

HTH.

Same as for you, I imagine.

MagnaWiles · 04/04/2018 10:14

Can't see the problem. She wants to go somewhere sunny, and surely the appeal of having a break for once is to be able to go out, listen to some music and have a drink?

If you don't trust her then you have bigger problems than where she wants to go on holiday.

Original poster

NoKissKissNoBangBang · 04/04/2018 10:14

Exactry that. I was asking people if they would consider it appropriate for someone's OH to go on this type of holiday. You believe it is absolutely fine, thank you for your view.

OP posts:

ruleshelpcontrolthefun · 04/04/2018 10:14

Well my DH has been on 3 stag weekends/weeks in the past 18months (since our youngest was born). One was a week in Magaluf with a fair few single friends. Should I have been concerned? Was it an "appropriate" holiday?

elisenbrunnen · 04/04/2018 10:15

BTW - my marriage ended on the day my DH told me that I couldn't take a week to 'holiday' at a language course. He wanted his 'holiday' entitlement to be spent as a 'family', whereas he, of course, could jet off for up to a week per month with work, and I, as SAHM, would pick it up.

StarUtopia · 04/04/2018 10:16

How old is she?!

I went there aged 36 and felt too old - I didn't even have kids or a husband at the time (and could easily have passed for late 20's)

It's full of immature drunk 21 year olds.

I can't imagine that a married woman in her late 30's would be tempted by that!

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