Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Victims of crime

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. For free advice contact Victim Support.https://www.victimsupport.org.uk/

Original poster

What to take to prison 2

609 replies

drinkswineoutofamug · 25/04/2018 08:21

Not a great title but can't think of anything catching this time of the morning. Will figure out how to link to the old thread.

OP posts:
tinytemper66 · 17/12/2018 19:43

We have made a decision not to see him at the moment and he is with SS even though he is over 30.
It is breaking my heart butI am so disappointed and angry with him, he needs to realise we can't be there for him this time.

Sammysees · 17/12/2018 19:59

I don’t know what his disability is but I guess there has to be a point where he takes responsibility for his own actions. I know with my own son, even with his autism, he knew what he did was wrong and illegal and he has to face the consequences. But by golly it’s hard. When he is inconsolable in my arms because he hurts too much to live is heartbreaking.

tinytemper66 · 17/12/2018 20:52

We haven't seen him since he was arrested yesterday. I didn't actually see him as I wasn't in and by the time I came home he was in custody.
He cried inconsolably last time but it didn't have an effect but fending for himself may make him realise what he has lost.
I am not sure my husband will forgive him or my other son but that is for another day!

Sammysees · 17/12/2018 21:37

It’s all still very raw and I’m sure you’re not thinking straight at all. It’s very easy to carry them when they have a disability. Mental or physical. I’ve made that mistake. You have support on here if you need to vent. I’m so glad I found this thread. Although I find it very difficult to not say something that is too ‘outing’ lol.

SheStoodInTheStorm · 17/12/2018 21:53

Have read both threads this evening. I have nothing but the upmost respect for you ladies Thanks

Sammysees · 17/12/2018 22:50

Wow that must have taken some reading! Although I did the same when I found myself in the position I’m in now. Hello to you Smile

Original poster
drinkswineoutofamug · 18/12/2018 07:41

Morning ladies. Big hugs tiny and sammy.

Everything is going good still in chez drinks. She now goes to a women's only probation group. Sorted her uc , again. She's doing this herself, no help off me as she's not fuddled with drink and drugs. Time will tell. She has court 11th January.

Started my new job yesterday. A training job which means every 3 months I work somewhere new within our nhs trust. I will be a nursing associate in 2 years which is the old SEN . One of my placements is my daughters prison. Strange to think I will be working there and not visiting.

OP posts:
Original poster
drinkswineoutofamug · 18/12/2018 07:43

shestoodthestorm wow that's a lot of reading! And thank you. We are fabulous. A strong group of resilient women. With some fantastic support from mumsnet.
Gosh I have blown our trumpets!

OP posts:
tinytemper66 · 18/12/2018 09:46

Don't blow my trumpet. I feel I have failed terribly 😔
Am in work and want to be elsewhere to ball my eyes out but keeping it composed due to my job. 😞
Thanks for all your wishes. How I am strong I do not know.

Sammysees · 18/12/2018 17:20

I think we ALL think we have failed miserably tiny. Isn’t that being a mum. I’m ashamed to say I have balled my eyes out many times at work (including today) in front of 7 men who share my office Blush.
Drinks that is brilliant news! You must be very proud of how far your daughter has come in the last few weeks.
Tiny - you ARE strong. And when you feel weak we are all here to hold you up!

Sammysees · 18/12/2018 17:22

And congratulations on your new job drinks!

tinytemper66 · 18/12/2018 18:05

Sorry Drinks I was feeling v v sorry for myself earlier.
Glad to see things are positive and congratulations on the job. X

MintyT · 19/12/2018 04:22

Tiny. Many years ago I was were you are, it was hard but for the best. My sons way of living has caught up with him and has caused MH issues, he is my child and I will always worry about him. After 2 years living with his dad he came back. And now although he is only just on the right side of the law he is living a "normal " life is in the whole, happy. But my goodness me reading this a brought back memories. Stay strong

Original poster
drinkswineoutofamug · 23/12/2018 08:11

Morning ladies. How's everyone doing.
Well my daughter has somehow survived to the grand age of 21.
And somehow grown up. Her and friends went out Thursday night for another friends 21st. One of the girls kicked off and started to attack one of the group. My daughter got pushed over in the scuffle. And walked away. Last year she would of attacked back. She says violence isn't the answer. She's realised that . She doesn't want to go back to prison.
Last night she went out with friends again. Yes she's had a drink, but knew when to stop. Isn't reaching for a can at 10am as she now feels rough in the morning and now says what we all say the morning after. Never again.
So no drugs. Even saying no to a joint. And drink socially. I have my fingers crossed that we have turned a corner.

OP posts:
Sammysees · 23/12/2018 08:40

That’s brilliant news drinks!
Things my end still pretty bad. My son still wants to die and he’s getting no mental health help other than a leaflet on breathing exercises and anti depressants that they forget to give him at least a couple of times a week. Trial starts in March but not sure he will live that long. I’m inconsolable and not sure how I’m going to get thru Xmas. At the moment I’m pretending it doesn’t exist.
I hope everyone else is faring better!

Original poster
drinkswineoutofamug · 23/12/2018 09:34

I'm so sorry sammy. I hate the mh system in the prison. Useless. I see it first hand at work. I will also get to see it in my new job as I get to work in a prison. It's shocking.

OP posts:
Sammysees · 23/12/2018 10:17

I hope you can make a difference drinks. Even if you can help one person x

tinytemper66 · 23/12/2018 12:28

No news from me other than my son is safe somewhere but we do not know and have chosen not to know. He has some complex needs and SS are looking after him. I am hoping that they will assess him which should have been done 15 years ago or even when he was still in school.
We have only managed due to our strength but he need more than we can give at the moment. Christmas will be shit for us all and he will wake up without us on Christmas Day but he has to try to understand that actions have consequences and whilst we love him so dearly we don't like him very much right now.
I must sound like a bitch and a hard cow and a bad mother but after 30+ years I can't do it and I have no answers. 😔
I hope the rest of you have a good Christmas and hugs to you Sammy and your son. Drinks what lovely news to share about your daughter. X

Original poster
drinkswineoutofamug · 23/12/2018 12:42

tiny you are not a bad mum, a bitch or a cow. I've been there. I've had those feelings. They do stay with you. You do question your actions. Doesn't make you a bad person. They have to realise the actions of their ways. That's where I failed. I made excuses. Never condoned but bailed her out too often. I hope he now gets the help that he needs. Do you have any support in real life? How's your husband doing?

OP posts:
tinytemper66 · 23/12/2018 12:53

I have been overwhelmed by the support of friends, extended family and neighbours.
My husband is ok. He is quiet and still off work so he has had no escape whereas I did manage t go to work and function last week. Have two weeks off now. W e have also decided to go away between NY and me going back to work for a couple of days just to escape.
Thanks for reading x

Original poster
drinkswineoutofamug · 23/12/2018 13:48

I will always read tiny and will always be here to offer support xx

OP posts:
Original poster
drinkswineoutofamug · 25/12/2018 08:27

Merry Christmas my wonderful ladies. Xxx

OP posts:
tinytemper66 · 25/12/2018 13:30

And to you. A sad one for us as my son turned up yesterday and we had to turn him away as we are not ready to face him for what he has done. He eventually went back to where he is being housed but it has broken me all over again.
The hardest thing to do. We love him but we don't like him much at the moment. The police checked on him and he was back safe last night.

Weezol · 25/12/2018 19:58

Sending a hug Tiny. You're doing so well, sometimes the best thing to is also the hardest thing to do.

Getting away for a few days sounds like a good idea. A complete change of scene may help you decompress a little.

Groovee · 28/12/2018 10:24

Hugs Tiny x